Sanctuary
by Mrs Muir
Summary: Complete Fantasy William Nagle and Alexander Harris are best friends but, one of them holds a deadly secret that will affect William’s future with Buffy. Will Buffy be able to hold onto the man she loves or will the secret rip them apart?
1. Discovery

Title: Sanctuary

Rating: NC-17

Author: Mrs Muir

Disclaimer: All things BtVS belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Fox and anyone else that can lay claim to them. It's not me.

Full Summary: William Nagle and Alexander Harris have been best friends since the first day they met at Hyperion Preparatory School. Through the years they have always been there for each other. But one of them holds a deadly secret that will affect William's future with Buffy, the woman he loves. Will Buffy be able to hold onto the man she loves or will the secret rip them apart?

Warnings: Although this story is Spuffy there may undertones of slash and suggestions of emotional attachments outside the Spuffy relationship by either Spike or Buffy.

* * *

Chapter 1

She took his breath away.

It was a silly, romantic and very clichéd thought but it was the only one that William Anthony Nagle III could piece together at the moment. Besides it was true. He forced an exhale when his chest became too tight from his emotions. The vision had appeared in the corner of his eye as he read the morning paper. She moved with a natural feminine grace that sent the male in him into a possessive attitude. Everything in him focused on her with a predatory need.

He watched in fascination as the petite blonde moved across the terrace of the hotel toward the buffet line. He set his tea cup down with a rattle as he continued to catalog her assets. She was beauty incarnate with long blonde hair that curled at the ends. Her face was dominated with huge eyes that glanced around as if she was looking for someone. A pink sundress showcased a body that was slim but still curvy enough to make his hands clench with longing. Leaning back he lifted the paper again so that anyone watching him would think he was reading even though his eyes were glued to the woman.

A smile flashed across his normally stoic face when she accidentally overflowed her juice glass while she stared with unabashed hunger at the pastries. When she realized what she had done, she glanced around her then wiped up the mess before hurrying along. It showed him that she was still real, not yet jaded by her looks and the attention that it had to bring. His late wife, Drusilla, always assumed that the world owed her, for no reason other than the fact that she was a striking and desirable woman.

This particular beauty bypassed the pastries though, reaching for a yogurt instead. It was a shame. He would have loved to observe her making love to the sweet concoctions with the same hunger she had exhibited when she gazed upon them. It would be a sensual experience and the thought alone made him shift in his seat.

Not that he would ever pursue the feelings that were filling him. Never again would he allow love, or any woman, to rule his heart and life. If she were older, or worldlier he would have gladly taken her to his bed. Enjoy the physical release that she would give and the pleasure her body promised. She appeared innocent and unsophisticated, so instead he would fill his mind with details so that he could think of her later. Maybe even indulge in a fantasy about her when he was with someone else that did know the score.

William glanced at the Cosmograph Daytona Rolex that graced his wrist. The meeting with his agent wasn't for another hour so he had enough time to dawdle where he was. He signaled the waitress to bring him another cup of tea then pulled his chair up to the table so that he had a clear view of the girl.

"Excuse me," William asked the waitress as she laid the cup down. "Do you know who that girl is across the way?" He gave a small wave toward the object of his fascination.

The waitress, Tara by her nametag, looked around to glance at the girl in question then turned back to him. "That's Miss Buffy Summers, Mr. Nagle. She's going to be a guest for the next week."

"Thank you," William said, dismissing the server. Now, he had a name for her. He rolled it over his tongue, _Buffy_, letting him taste the essence of her. She never realized he was staring, either that or didn't care. Buffy sat at a table at the edge of the terrace. The ocean sparkling in the early morning sun was the lucky recipient of her attention. An air of sadness hung around her, making him wonder why she was vacationing alone. Had someone broken her heart? Was she running away from someone or something? She was a mystery that he didn't have the time to solve even if it would likely drive him mad until he knew.

Buffy Summers was a danger to him. A danger to the hard shell he had encased his heart in after Drusilla had shattered it beyond repair. Forcing himself to dismiss her, he stood to make his way back inside the hotel. Sighing, he stopped at the exit to take one last look and found that she was returning his stare. Curiosity filled her delicate features as she tilted her head. He gave her a wink when she continued to keep her eyes locked with his. A blush flooded her cheeks, her eyes dropping, making him smile for the second time that morning.

He found his heart was lighter as he maneuvered his silver R/C Carrera GT Porsche around the curves of the coastal highway. The car was one of the indulgences he had given into when his latest novel had climbed the best seller list. Of course, his first love was his classic DeSoto that was babied and only taken out on special occasions now. Otherwise the Porsche fed his need for dangerous speed. Xander, his best friend, was always telling him he shouldn't tempt death because he might get his wish.

William didn't care. Not anymore. So, he lived. As hard, as fast and as emotionally detached as he could. He would take what he wanted and who he wanted because the only thing that had mattered to him had died a little over a year ago in another's arms. Life was all a game that he was determined to win and if he died in the effort, so be it.

The afternoon ahead of him made him a little more reckless than usual as he drove. The meeting with his agent was going to be a horribly tedious event. It was a ritual that always took too long and drained William of any creativity. Rupert Giles was very fastidious. Everything had to follow the path that he had set out; quick hellos, with small talk that neither was really interested in, then tea in the garden. It wasn't that he didn't like his agent. They were friends with a mutual respect for the other's talent. Giles had taken William's penchant for writing, encouraged him to do something with it, and from there a new novelist was born. It was just the 'business' end of things that horribly bored William. He just wanted to be lost in the worlds that he created.

His books were from the fantasy genre, exploring what ifs of the future with an amazing insight into his characters motivations and emotions. He had been described as a fast rising star that would usher in a new era of creative direction. Sometimes he would laugh at the sheer number of volumes that had been bought and sometimes he would be overwhelmed that anyone would find his childhood fantasies interesting. What really floored him was when he met his fans that could quote his books, and seemed to really care what happened to the characters. It was really the only thing that made its way behind the cynical shell of his life.

The garden that Giles led him to was in full bloom that morning. Flowers in bright colors were open everywhere, allowing their sweet fragrance to hang in the air. The delicate aroma made him think of Buffy.

It wasn't the first time she had entered his thoughts since he'd left the restaurant that morning.

"Spike," Giles said addressing him by his nickname. "How is the rewrite going on the latest in the Galaxy trilogy?"

"It's not," Spike said, sitting back with a smirk. "They are attempting to completely change my concept of the story. And they can bugger off before I allow them to do that to me and my fans."

"And you have a contract that stipulates they have final approval on the material," Giles said. "If you don't produce, they'll sue you."

"You're _my_ agent, not theirs, so start acting like it. I am not going to turn Lucifer into a good guy which is the reason he got the name Lucifer in the first place. I'll gray him up but he's not going all goody two shoes like the hero."

"It's the last chapter…"

"Bloody hell, Rupert, life isn't a damn fairy tale. My readers adore Lucy just as he is. He's them. He can be bad, he can be good, and they relate. I won't do it."

Giles sighed, rubbed his forehead then leaned back in his chair. It was the same argument. The publishing house felt that turning the villain of his series into a hero was the way to end the trilogy. They said it would be a moral lesson for the younger readers. Unfortunately, neither author nor the majority of fans wanted it. They liked their dark hero's ambiguity. Spike had dug in his heels refusing to write until they gave in.

The deadline for getting the book out by the following Christmas was fast drawing to an end. Someone had to give in and Spike knew that in spite of a lawsuit, his fans would stand by him, thus assuring another contract somewhere else. He, himself, would become the hero and the attention would assure him several more bestsellers.

"All right, I'll go back to them again," Giles agreed. "Once an agreement is made, you had bloody well be prepared to work your arse off to fulfill the deal."

"Have I ever let you down?" Spike asked, knowing he had won. Well, at least with his agent. Giles wouldn't come back to him again. It would all be hammered out between Giles and the publishing house or the courts, depending on how stubborn the literary house decided to be. Deciding to let it go for now, Spike picked up his tea, and crossed his legs. "So, Giles, how is Jenny treating you these days?"

Jenny had been Giles girlfriend, on and off, for several years now. The high school teacher was a source of happiness for Giles, but she also brought great conflict. She was very family oriented, wanting to follow the traditions of her ancestors but yet somehow wanting a modern life. It led to a tumultuous relationship for the older man.

Settling back in his chair, Spike waited for Giles to weave his latest tales about his life. It turned out to be a pleasant morning that passed into late afternoon. They went to lunch at a small bar overlooking the ocean that served plain but filling food. The conversation continued to center around Giles life, Spike's books and general world issues. Never did Spike bring up Buffy. She was his secret indulgence, who crossed his mind frequently over the day. He found himself longing to go back to the hotel just so he could cross paths with her again. Just so he could watch her graceful beauty pass him by. It would be all that he would allow himself.

* * *

The water washing over his feet was icy as he walked along the beach. It was a sharp reminder that he was merely human. That he was nothing but a peg in the wheel of life. There would be no special circumstances for him to escape unscathed. Spike would pay his dues like everyone else, no matter how much they hurt.

He sighed before taking another deep drag of his cigarette. Buffy hadn't been in the dining room for dinner. He had lingered as long as he could, hoping to catch her. It didn't happen though and he was disappointed. He wanted a few more memories of her before he returned home the next day. Giles always made Spike come to him for their meetings. It was an excuse for the young author to return to life.

Otherwise, Spike's existence was confined within the walls of Sanctuary. It was a high end building in Los Angeles of which he owned one of the two penthouses. It was the place for young and upcoming Hollywood moguls to live. Drusilla insisted upon acquiring it after his bank account swelled from his first best seller. It was built of cold steel, modern in design and devoid of any feelings. Dru had loved it. Spike tolerated it. He loathed selling it because he knew her spirit was still in her beloved home.

A soft cry somewhere ahead of him made Spike turn around. He didn't want to interfere in what sounded like a private moment between lovers. The second cry was sharper. He hesitated for a moment waiting to see if there was something wrong or not.

"Please leave me alone," a woman's voice echoed over the deserted beach. "I told you earlier that I don't want you bothering me."

"Oh, come on, darling," a man's voice followed hers. There was a slur to his words indicating that he had been drinking. "A pretty little thing like you all alone needs someone to take care of her."

"I don't need anyone," the woman declared as Spike approached to help her. He hated men who played macho cavemen. A woman was meant to be seduced with adoration, not overpowered.

The man's back was to him when he got close enough to the couple. The woman's arm firmly in the man's grasp as he pulled her struggling form closer to him. She moved into the moonlight and Spike gasped as he recognized Buffy. It suddenly became a lot more personal. The stupid oaf had no right to touch her.

"The lady told you that she doesn't want you touching her," Spike growled, clamping a hand down on the man's shoulder.

Spike watched first surprise then relief cross her face at seeing him there. It seemed she had lied. She did need and want help.

"Back off," the man barked, releasing Buffy so he could take a swing at Spike.

Spike grabbed the man's arm, twisting it until he dropped to his knees. Holding him, he looked up at Buffy. "Is he staying at the hotel?" She nodded. "Listen to me, ponce. Go back to the hotel, check out and be gone when we get back or I'll have you charged with sexual assault. Do you understand?"

The man tried to pull away from Spike but ended up eating dirt with a well placed foot on the back of his neck.

"Now, let's try this again," Spike growled. "You are going to do what?"

"Check out," the man bit out trying to push himself up.

"Good, good," Spike said, taking his foot away. The man gave him one last angry look before taking off down the beach. Spike turned to Buffy. "You okay, lamb?"

"Yes, thank you…for helping."

"No, problem," Spike said, their gazes colliding like they had only that morning. The intensity of her eyes burned into him. Trying to break the spell she was weaving over him, he let his gaze sweep over her. She looked young and innocent when you took in the high ponytail and bare face. It was her clothing that seemed to be telling another tale. A pair of denim cutoffs barely hung on her hips and a t-shirt was tied around her middle emphasizing the soft swell of her breasts. Aware of his stare, Buffy crossed her arms, looking away from him as another flush covered her face. She was adorable. He couldn't resist having a taste of her despite his earlier vows to the contrary. "Were you taking a walk?"

Buffy nodded.

"Well, let's go," Spike said. He turned and walked off, knowing that eventually she would follow. He had come to the conclusion that meeting Buffy was a twist of fate that he wouldn't pass by.

to be continued…


	2. Simple as Pie

**Chapter 2 – Simple as Pie**

It didn't take long for her to catch up to him. He hid his smile when she glanced over at him before settling into an easy pace beside him. For awhile neither spoke. They just walked along the edge of the surf letting the waves flow over their feet.

A gentle evening breeze occasionally would play with a tendril of her hair that had come loose from its binding. It would dance toward him bringing along with the golden strands the flowery scent of her shampoo to tease at him. He would inhale deeply but was disappointed. The salty tang of the ocean only overpowered it. Eventually he sighed with disappointment.

"You didn't need to walk with me," Buffy said, halting. "I could have returned to the hotel."

"I wanted to walk with you," Spike replied, turning to her. He tucked a wisp of her hair behind her ear. "You've been on my mind since I saw you at breakfast."

She blushed. The innocent gesture endeared her to him. It made him feel even more protective of her than he did before. She was a blank page waiting to write the story of her life; he thought then quickly pushed away his fanciful idea. That particular train of thought was dangerous because it made him want to help write that story.

"I've been thinking about you too," Buffy whispered. She stared down at her pink tipped toes. She brought her eyes up to meet his and shyly added, "My name is Buffy."

"My name is William, William Nagle," Spike replied, not letting her know that he already knew her name. He was afraid of doing anything to spook her. "But my friends call me Spike."

"I like William."

With that, he decided he did too, especially when it flowed from her lips. Spike took her hand as he turned back toward the hotel. He wanted more than just an innocent romantic gesture of a walk on the beach. He wanted to get to know the woman that was Buffy.

"Let's go and get a drink," Spike said. "Maybe share a bottle of wine and you can tell me all about you."

Buffy wouldn't move and when he turned back to her, she was staring at her feet again. Was she really this shy? Or was she playing hard to get? Suddenly he had second thoughts. His mind started reminding him of every reason why he shouldn't pursue her. Yet there was something inside of him that told him not to let her go…not yet anyway. With his finger he lifted her chin.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?" He asked, crossing his toes as he waited.

Her eyes were brilliant with her forced courage when she looked up. Her chin jutted out while her shoulders went back. Ah, she did have fortitude. He liked it. Forcing a smile from his lips he waited for what she had to say.

"I'm only nineteen," Buffy said. "So, wine and me are not very legal together."

His resolve crumbled around him. Spike laughed. He couldn't help it. His hands covered his face as he shook with the travesty before him. He had known she was young but she was really only a baby. Twelve years his junior, unable to consume alcohol by law, this was most definitely not where he needed to be. Finally swallowing back the laughter caused by the colossal joke played upon him by fate, he looked up. She was gone.

Buffy was returning to the hotel at a near jog. He had been heartless. Consumed by his own despair and self-loathing he had hurt her feelings. Taking off at a run, he pursued her.

"Buffy, stop, please," Spike shouted. "Let me explain." She didn't stop. "Oh, come on take pity on an old man."

She slowed and it was all he needed. Sprinting, he closed the last few feet between them. He grabbed her hand, pulling her around to face him. There was so much grief on her face that it tore through his heart. A sob welled up from deep inside of her, exploding between them, and he gathered her close to him.

"Oh, pet, who has hurt you so much?" Spike cooed. "I'm sorry if I've only made things worse. I'm such a jackass sometimes."

"Yes, you were," Buffy sniffled against his shoulder.

Her arms tightened around his waist as if he was the harbor in her storm. It made him feel like he hadn't in forever. Someone needed him. He tried not to let her down. He rocked her back and forth while his hands coasted along her back. She started to quiet, relaxing even more against him. Her legs fell open until the sweet juncture of her thighs was resting against his leg. His mind tried to think of anything but the feeling of her body against his. But it didn't listen to him. His cock became hard, erecting a barricade between them.

Embarrassed by his body's betrayal, Spike took a step backwards. How could he apologize? He couldn't very well say, oh, I'm sorry but I would really like to make love to you for hours even though you seem to be in an emotional quandary and are way too young for me. So, he kept his mouth shut, fidgeting as he looked, somewhere over her shoulder.

"I'd like a cup of coffee," Buffy said, touching his hand to gain his attention. "And you can tell me all about you."

She was smiling when he looked at her. It was a kind smile. There was no righteous indignation at his body's reaction to her. He relaxed.

"Yeah, a cup of coffee would be good," Spike agreed. "But I have a feeling you are much more interesting than I could ever be."

"Doubt it," Buffy declared, curling her hand around his. "We'll figure it out later."

The walk back into the hotel was made in silence. Their hands were tightly entwined though, and every once in a while they would brush against one another as people do when they are thinking about being intimate with each other. Her breast against his arm or her hip bouncing beside his was all it took to keep him in an aroused state. He wondered if he was having the same effect on her or if she was lost in whatever had made her cry. It was probably a boy that had broken her heart. He would be her vacation rebound, revenge affair and would only be remembered fondly years later.

"Quit thinking about it," Buffy whispered in his ear as they stepped into the hotel coffee shop. "You look grumpy enough to bite someone's head off."

He laughed, enjoying the way her face lit up as he did. "Was only wondering who broke your heart, that's all."

"Only an Angel," Buffy said. She dropped his hand as she slid into one side of a booth. He wanted to sit beside her, but instead slid into the seat across from her. It was the proper thing to do. "What brings you here?" She reached for a menu, closing the subject of her broken heart for the moment. It only filled him with more questions that he was determined to have answers for.

The package was too pretty to be unwrapped. A mystery that he wanted to solve in delightful steps that would have her forgetting her 'angel'. He studied her for a moment before reaching for a menu himself. They didn't speak for a few minutes as they studied their choices. When the waitress came to take their orders, Buffy only ordered coffee. He ordered the same and a slice of apple pie ala mode, hoping that she would help him eat it.

"I'm here on business," Spike finally answered her question. "My agent lives in town so I drove up to see him."

"Agent for…?"

She didn't know who he was and Spike wasn't sure if he should be insulted or not. He decided it was refreshing to have someone that he didn't have to live up to his image with. In a way it made him relax about being with her. There wasn't much chance of this get together making the society column in the morning.

"I'm a writer," Spike said, "of novels."

"Really," Buffy seemed impressed. "What genre do you write?"

"Science fiction and fantasy pretty much covers it. Have you ever heard of the Dust at Midnight series?"

"Sorry, I haven't," Buffy replied. "I don't usually read stuff like that. Books and me are kind of unmixy."

"Like you and wine?"

"Something like that," Buffy answered with a chuckle. "Are you famous?"

"Something like that," Spike replied. "It depends on who you ask."

"Ah," Buffy said, pulling her hands from the table so the waitress could put their order down. "I guess I'll start asking until I find out."

Spike liked the longing in her eyes when she stared at his dessert. After thanking their waitress, he took a big spoonful to hold out to Buffy. She shook her head, but he didn't back off.

"You know you want a bite," he whispered seductively. "It's going to be like sin on your tongue. Rich, sweet, vanilla, cinnamon…"

"Okay, okay," Buffy said, opening her mouth for him to put the spoonful in.

It wasn't the only thing he wanted to put there. A certain part of his anatomy was getting harder by the moment. The expression on her face didn't help. Her eyes closed in almost orgasmic bliss as she savored the bite. A flash of her beneath him, crying out his name, filled his mind. His cock hardened more, making him shift to make himself more comfortable. He wanted this girl more than he had wanted anyone in a long time. He decided he'd find a way to have her before they parted ways.

"Was it good for you?" Spike asked smiling as she opened those eyes darkened with pleasure.

"Oh, yeah," Buffy acknowledged with an enthusiastic nod. "I've been trying not to eat anything like that and that," she sighed, "was just wonderful."

"Hmm, everyone should indulge occasionally, even you."

"Do you think I'm fat?" Buffy asked, looking down at herself.

"I think you're perfect just the way you are."

She looked up at him sharply, studied him for a moment then smiled. "You, sir, are trying to flatter me."

"Is it working?"

Buffy laughed, as she shook her head. At least she wasn't angry about him flirting with her. It had been so long since he had tried to impress anyone that he wasn't sure what response he would receive. It felt good to have this beautiful, young woman smiling at him. So good, that he was humming on the inside from the thought of getting to know her better. He quickly decided that he wouldn't be checking out in the morning as planned. A day or two wouldn't matter either way. It was one of the blessings of not having any responsibility to anyone but himself.

"Maybe," Buffy answered. "It depends on whether you share anymore of that pie with me."

"Have all you want, pet, all you want."

She did. He thought it was one of the sexiest sights he'd ever seen. The girl showed her enjoyment with every bite. Little earthy moans were expelled every once in awhile. It kept him in a state of arousal as he watched. She had taken the spoon and every couple of bites she'd feed him. If they weren't in a public place he would probably throw her on the table and have his way with her. He wanted those little sounds she made to flow into his ear as he thrust into her tiny body.

"Thank you," Buffy said, as she swallowed the last bite. "I haven't enjoyed something so much in a long while."

"Me neither," Spike said, leaning on the table toward her. He watched her dab at her mouth with a napkin. Everything she did was erotic to him. It was probably just because he hadn't been laid in months. It took too much effort to try to find someone who wanted only a one night stand that wouldn't take it public. So, lately it had only been his hand and him. "Are you on vacation?"

"Yes," Buffy nodded slowly. "I'm taking some time to figure out what I want to do."

"Because your 'angel' broke your heart?"

"That," Buffy replied, twisting the napkin. "And other things." She sighed. "I should probably go up to my room."

It wasn't even nine yet, but his instincts were telling him that Buffy was walking along an edge. She was trying to be happy, but there was the sadness that still clung just below the surface. He would let her go for now, but he wasn't giving up.

"May I walk you to your room?"

"I would like that," Buffy replied.

Spike quickly dispensed with the formality of paying their bill so he could escort her. This time they didn't touch. She stood apart from him while they walked. The air crackled between them and he was confused as to whether she wanted him to make a pass or not. So, he did nothing except be a gentleman. She was located a few floors below his where the more inexpensive rooms were.

"Thank you for the coffee," Buffy politely said when they stepped off the elevator. "And the pie," she added with a grin.

"It was my pleasure," Spike said. He waited a few beats but she didn't say anything more. It was now or never so he rushed out the question that was tormenting him. "Do you have plans tomorrow?"

"Not so far." She pulled a magnetic key from her back pocket and began to fiddle with the door. It was evident that she was waiting for him to say more.

"Oh," Spike said, shrugging before leaning casually against the door frame. He'd decided to tease her a bit before asking her to spend time with him. "Neither do I. How strange the two of us without plans for the whole day. Well, I guess I'll hole up in my room and watch movies." He straightened up and started to turn, but had no intention of leaving.

"Do you want company?"

Her question was such a surprise it stopped him. He turned slowly to look at her. She was staring at him expectantly. He took a step closer to her, reaching for her hand and clasping it tightly.

"I would love to spend the day with you," Spike said. "But how about we go out somewhere, have lunch, maybe take in some sights…"

"There are sights in Sunnydale?" Buffy asked, with a chuckle. "There's not a lot around here."

"I'm sure we can find something to get into," Spike told her with a rakish grin. "How about I call you in the morning? We can plan our day over breakfast."

It wasn't what he really wanted. What he wanted was to carry her into her room, make love to her all night, then have breakfast in bed. Make love again, then decide what to do with the rest of their day. But it wasn't time. If it ever would be for them. His emotions and head kept sliding to both extremes of the scale when it came to Buffy. They never did seem to agree.

"All right," Buffy replied. She cupped his cheek, brushing her thumb along his cheek before lifting up on her toes to kiss the corner of his mouth. "Good night, William."

With that she was gone. His fingers traced the spot where her lips had been. It still burned from the contact. Standing there, staring at a closed door, his heart was cracking open for the first time in years. Whistling, he headed for his room, already planning the next day.

_to__ be continued…_


	3. Chances

Chapter 3

There wasn't a lot to do in Sunnydale on a Thursday afternoon. Taking Buffy to the movies was too, well, typical for Spike to even consider. Hiking along the cliffs was too strenuous even though the privacy factor was a point worth considering. Lying on the beach was too boring, so he wasn't sure what they were going to do.

A lot of it had to do with the fact that he hated this whole socializing scenario. Dating wasn't something he remembered fondly. It had been a disaster to his younger, unpopular self, and once he did gain a little confidence, Drusilla had found him. From the first moment he saw her, he knew she would be an important part of his world.

It was at the opening of an up-and-coming artist at the White Room Gallery in West Hollywood that he first saw her. She was standing so regal before a table of small sculptures, sipping Dom Perignon, and talking in earnest to the artist. It was all _stuff_ to him. If it was interesting he might acquire it, but to discuss the fine points of a piece wasn't something he did. The woman with the waist length raven hair was worth discussing though. He stopped across the table from her until she looked his way. The flash of curiosity from her big brown eyes was all it took for everything to fall into place.

They ended up having sex in his car before the night was over. She was more experienced than he, showing him things he'd never imagined, and he was under her thrall by morning. Two months later they were married in a quickly thrown together elaborate affair that made the society column. His bride was the granddaughter of Jacob Masters, the head of one of the largest movie studios in Hollywood. Born to be petted, William became her world, doing what he had to in order to keep her happy. Until his own success came and tore them apart.

There was no way he was prepared to play the part of the eager boyfriend to a girl as innocent as Buffy. He doubted that she'd been around the block more than once if she'd even gotten that far. He questioned his motives again as he knocked on the door of her hotel room. Nothing could come out of this except a wasted day. He needed to return to Los Angeles, she needed to return to wherever she came from, and there wouldn't even be a memory of a brief but enjoyable affair between them. He took a step backwards to flee but the door opened.

"Hi," Buffy said, stepping back. "Sorry it took so long but…I was trying to…," she blushed as she leaned over to pick up her sweater and purse.

"It worked," Spike said, running a knuckle across her cheek. "You're absolutely stunning."

She looked startled for a second before the flush grew deeper. "Thank you."

"You hungry?" Spike asked, deciding to take mercy on her. "I brought the morning paper. Thought we could browse through it and maybe find something to do today."

"Starving actually," Buffy responded, stepping through the door. She smiled as he closed the door behind them. "There's not going to be much to do around here."

"I'm sure we'll find something," he guided her toward the elevator with his hand on her lower back. She was so tiny that the primitive male in him was going into protection mode around her. But he knew that her body was curvy in all the right places. He glanced over at her, taking in the low riding jeans she wore that gave glimpses of her tanned stomach beneath a pink pullover. The top was low enough to give him ample viewing of her breasts as they pushed upwards. His tongue darted to lick at his lips. He wanted her. He shouldn't and he definitely shouldn't try to seduce her, but it was a tempting thought.

A shake of his head brought him back, making him realize she was chattering about something. He hated mindless prattling. It was a waste of time that could be spent reflecting on the world around you, or discussing something meaningful. Like whether or not the world would ever catch up with the technology found in science fiction novels.

"I'm sorry, Luv, what were you saying?" Spike asked, interrupting her flow of words. He reached around her and hit the button for the elevator. "I was off thinking about something."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Buffy said. She blinked. "I was rambling. I do that when I'm nervous."

Spike stepped closer to her. Pinning her between him and the wall, he whispered in her ear, "Do I scare you?" She giggled. It wasn't the response he was expecting. He kept forgetting that under her shy and unsure outer shell hid a tough little soul. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing, Big Bad Wolf," She said, speaking in a little girl voice. "Are you going to eat me?"

Her hand flew over her mouth when she realized what she'd said. Her eyes opened wide as she stared up at him. It appeared she was too stunned to even be embarrassed. He hugged her tight against him while he shook with delighted laughter.

"Oh, little red riding hood," Spike said. "I certainly hope so."

The doors opened to the elevator revealing a car full of people. A few stepped out, but a lot remained. Buffy pulled away, but grabbed his hand as she guided him into the car with her. He squeezed it, searching her eyes for a response to his statement. She locked eyes with him when she noticed his perusal. He could see the lust deep within those hazel depths. It wasn't going to be easy to be a gentleman. Not when she seemed to want him as much as he wanted her. He didn't want to hurt her, but maybe she was ready for a grownup relationship. It could be what she was looking for. He decided he would find out all he could about her in their time together then make a decision; he relaxed and prepared himself to have some fun.

* * *

It didn't take her long to figure out that William was moody, almost always too serious, and way too old for her. Yet when he looked at her like she was the most desirable woman in the world, she knew she would stay to see where this attraction would lead. It seemed like forever since anyone had made her feel wanted in any capacity. Not since her mother died anyway. She was completely alone in the world with only a few thousand dollars in the bank.

Her boyfriend left for the other side of the country after graduation, taking her innocence too casually, and breaking her heart with an ease that left her shy of ever loving anyone again. Angel and she knew each other since kindergarten, but he found no difficulty in using her then leaving her. So, how could you trust a stranger? She didn't want love, she didn't know if she could ever trust again, but she wanted another look or touch from William like an addict needing another fix. He wasn't any good for her, but she wouldn't stop seeing him.

"Chocolate or vanilla, Luv?" Spike asked, looking back over his shoulder at her.

She glanced up at the small menu hung on the outside of The Sweet Shop. It was a glorified cart made to appear like a trolley car. It was angled on the end of a long sidewalk hoping to entice tired walkers with its multitude of sweet confections. It had worked on her and Spike was all too willing to indulge her.

"Mmm, a scoop of each," Buffy answered after only a moment of deliberation then added, "Please."

Somehow after a long breakfast of good food and reading the newspaper together, they decided on spending the afternoon at the zoo. It was one of the few spots that Sunnydale had for tourists. The local lighthouse had finished off their morning. Spike wanted to see it for research purposes, he'd said. It was built on what was once a temple for a goddess. Attached to the lighthouse was a museum with artifacts that had been found on the property. Some of them ancient religious artifacts that belied a darker purpose than good will toward man.

They left with a large pile of informational booklets and several books on both the history of the place and the goddess that was once worshiped there. It amused her to see how excited he was over it. During lunch he continually read passages to her that bored her. She didn't want to be rude so she made all the appropriate comments. Watching the animation on his face was a change of pace that fascinated her though. To see his face light up and him rambling on about a temple that wasn't even there anymore was cute.

"Here," Spike said, handing her a double decker ice cream cone with an amused

look. "How do you stay so skinny?"

"That wasn't nice," Buffy declared, glaring at him. "Last night you said I was fat and now you call me skinny."

"I think you're perfect," he said, giving her a quick peck on the lips. He tasted like the strawberry ice cream he'd chosen. She licked her lips to enjoy the taste of him a little longer. "And beautiful," he took her hand. "Funny, adorable, taste good, and you've got a great…"

"Watch it," She warned. "It's only our first date." She sniffed for effect and raised her face so her nose was in the air.

"I was going to say that you've got a great stash of courage," Spike teased, with a shrug. "But if you think its offensive, I hereby duly apologize."

Spike was wrong. She didn't have any courage. It was why she was spending way too much money to stay at the hotel for a couple of weeks instead of finding a decent place to live. She didn't want to face reality yet. It hurt too much and she was still hoping for a miracle. Those things didn't happen to her. Every since she turned sixteen, her life seemed to always be changing and none of it had been for the good.

Forcing on a smile she didn't feel, she said, "It's hereby accepted."

"Do you know you're a brat?"

"Yep, and don't ever forget it."

"Don't think I will," Spike said, dropping an arm around her shoulder. "Let's go to the reptile house."

Buffy wrinkled up her nose at him. "Ick, how about the petting zoo?"

"Smelly and messy," he said, trying to steer her in the other direction. "Snakes are housed behind nice glass where you can gaze at them all you want without having to touch them."

His statement sent another warning signal darting through her brain. She dismissed it though. There couldn't have been a declaration of his true nature in his words. Spike was emotional and very affectionate. His hand was always there to offer support; hugs and kisses were freely given. Nothing like a snake at all. She looked up into his eyes for a moment then relaxed. He was scared of being hurt just like she was. There was a defiant glint in those glacial blue eyes that told the true story of why he would try and keep her at a distance.

"Snakes it is," Buffy decided, taking his hand. "Did you know there's a demonstration room where if you're lucky they'll pick you to hold a snake?"

She would find a way to hold one even if she had to beg. Spike would see that even a snake could be affectionate and cuddly. She just hoped he wouldn't see how much she'd be shaking on the inside while doing it though. Totally forgotten were her own vows of not letting anyone too close to her heart.

* * *

The seven white candles flickered around the hotel room. Their magnolia scent filled the room with their sweetness. The cashmere throw was positioned over the back of the couch and a bottle of champagne was chilling in a wine bucket by the couch. The crystal flutes were waiting on the table along with a small bowl of chocolate covered strawberries. Spike looked around in satisfaction. It was a scene set for seduction, but yet he still wasn't sure that seducing Buffy was what he wanted.

She was a combination of innocence and sensuality that was making his insides do flip-flops over her. The memory of her petting the boa constrictor with fear filling her eyes made him smile and shake his head. He got the message. She was ready for whatever happened between them. Thus the reason his hotel suite was set for a night of love even down to the condoms in the bedside table.

"Everything to your satisfaction, sir," Tara asked, stepping out of the bathroom. The young waitress had been more than happy to run interference for him and help gather the supplies needed. She even came up to help him set things up. She had just put the finishing touches in the bathroom; some more candles, extra towels and a bottle of flowery bubble bath.

"Yes, everything is fine," Spike replied, glancing around one more time. He reached into his pocket for the hundred dollar bill he decided the young woman deserved for helping him. He held it out to her and she hesitated when she saw how much it was. "Take it, Tara, you did an excellent job of helping me. I won't forget it." Still she hesitated, her eyes darting around the room. "Is there something wrong?"

"Forgive my impudence, Mr. Nagle," Tara commented, her eyes fixed on the floor. "Miss Summers, she's…," the eyes flew up to meet his as her shoulders went back. "She's young and she's been hurt really bad. I don't think…excuse my saying so, but she may say she's ready for this but I don't think she really is."

"I appreciate your commentary but I don't think it's any of your business," Spike retorted. He knew Tara was right but he didn't want to hear that. He didn't want the responsibility of hurting Buffy. He wanted to believe they could enjoy a night of sex and then say good-bye without any hurt feelings. He reached over and shoved his money into Tara's apron pocket. "I think that will be all, Tara." He marched over to the door and pulled it open.

"I apologize again, sir," Tara said, heading for the door. She stopped in front of him one last time. "If you give her the chance, I think she can be what you need."

With that the young woman disappeared down the hallway. Spike stared after her for a moment before slamming the door shut. How could a waitress have any clue what William Nagle the Third could possibly need? She had no clue what went on in his life…in his world? She didn't. Buffy knew what she wanted. The same thing as him. A love affair to while away the time. Neither of them wanted a relationship. Dismissing the young woman's words and his own whispering heart, Spike headed to his bedroom to change clothes for the evening. Buffy would be here any moment and he wanted everything to be perfect. It didn't occur to him that his need for perfection wouldn't be there if he didn't care how Buffy did feel.

_to__ be continued…_


	4. Champagne Angels

**Chapter 4 – Champagne Angels**

"Right on time," Spike muttered with approval. He glanced at his watch again to make sure. It was seven o'clock on the dot and Buffy was knocking on his door just like they'd arranged earlier. He opened it with a smile that remained frozen in place for a few moments after his first glance. Gone was the girl with whom he'd spent the afternoon, taking her place was a beautiful, poised woman in white silk. "Hello, Buffy," he managed to say after swallowing his surprise.

"Hello, William," she replied with a satisfied smile. Apparently his reaction was the one she was hoping for since it appeared in the few hours they'd been apart she'd been indulging the feminine side of her. She was even more breathtaking than when he'd first seen her.

"Please, come in," Spike said, stepping aside. He took her hand after he closed the door, pulling her close to him for a quick kiss on her cheek. "You're gorgeous," he whispered in her ear. "Please make yourself comfortable."

Spike expected her to sit with practiced, seductive airs on his couch, but once again she surprised him by heading for the balcony. Then he remembered that her room didn't have a view worth mentioning since it was one of the cheapest the hotel offered. All Buffy could see from hers was the vast array of vehicles that had brought the guests to the hotel. He smiled as she leaned against the stone wall, throwing her head back to take in the tangy salt air.

After pouring them both a glass of champagne, he moved to join her. She stared at the glass for a second. He waited for her protest, but she took it from him with a smile and then took a sip.

"Thank you," Buffy said.

It wasn't for the wine. It was for taking her seriously, accepting the woman she was playing at and not making her feel like a child. He tilted his head, making mental notes on the makeover she'd given herself. It wasn't the first time she'd done herself up like this, he decided. The makeup was perfect, not too heavy but not to light. Her hair was bundled carelessly into a knot that was subtly sexy. The dress clung to curves without being tight.

"I hope you don't mind," Spike said, leaning his hip against the edge of the balcony. "But I've gone ahead and ordered some appetizers to be brought up first then dinner to arrive about an hour later."

"It's fine," she replied, with a sigh. "You have a beautiful view."

"You can have it," Spike teased, turning to stand beside her. They gazed out at the frothing waves dashing upon the shore in the waning sunlight. There were a few people clinging to the afternoon by continuing to swim. Mostly the beach was deserted, leaving them feeling like they were alone in the universe. "But I'm happy to be sharing it with you now," he added.

"I'm sorry," Buffy replied, with a bashful expression. "I came to have dinner with you and I'm paying more attention to the ocean than to you."

"It's all right, pet."

It was. For a few moments she'd been at peace with herself, the world and him. He was sorry for opening his mouth and disturbing the spell she'd lost herself in. He sighed, taking her hand to lead her back to his sitting room. She glanced around, taking in the candles, the soft music playing in the background and the small table by the window. His intent to seduce her was evident to her. She glanced back up at him quickly then looked down again. Her inner struggle with her attraction to him was evident as it played across her face.

"I had fun this afternoon," Buffy said, as she sat on the small couch. She took another sip of her champagne. "I haven't been to the zoo in a long time." She chuckled softly. "Not since…I was a kid in grade school."

"I don't think of you as a child," Spike replied, running his knuckles along her cheek. "You're very much a woman."

"You make me feel like one."

Her words were soft but there was no hesitancy in them. She was sure of what she was saying. Chills ran through him at the thought of teaching her about passion. He wondered how long he could play hooky with her before the real world forced its way into their lives. She was staring at him like she wanted to be kissed. Her tongue darted out to wet her lips. There was no way he could deny either of them any longer. He scooted closer, putting his arm around her shoulders and tucking her into his side. She clasped the back of his neck, meeting him halfway. They'd exchanged playful or quick kisses earlier in the day, but none that held the promise of this one.

Their lips met in exploratory slowness, dragging across the other until the curve of hers was imbedded in his soul. She was drowning him in her sweetness. He slipped his tongue between her lips, licking at her teeth, until she opened her mouth for him. He groaned when she met him with an eagerness that made him feel needed. It was something he hadn't felt in a long time. He cupped her bottom pulling her closer to him, wanting to forget all his promises of going slow with her.

Her fingers threaded through his hair, holding him close to her. He broke the kiss to nibble at her lips, sucking her bottom lip into his mouth. She mewled, moving his hand to her breast, holding it there until he squeezed the soft mound.

A knock on the door interrupted them. They both froze. Buffy's hand flew to her mouth as she realized what they'd been about to do. If the first course hadn't arrived he would have made love to her and she would have allowed him to.

"Excuse me," Buffy mumbled, scrambling up to head into the bedroom.

Spike threw his head back, cursing the timing, yet at the same time appreciating the gift of a few hours to think clearly about things. He didn't want any regrets from her in the morning. Another knock forced him to open the door. He stepped back, gesturing the steward toward the table. Buffy didn't appear again until the young man was done and the door had closed behind him.

"It's safe to come out, Buffy," Spike called, staring down at the food he wasn't in the mood to eat. She startled him by wrapping her arms around his waist, her head lying on his back. He covered them with his hands. "You okay?"

"More than okay," she said with a sigh. "You have an amazing mouth."

"I have an amazing everything, Luv," Spike said with a chuckle as he turned to take her into his arms. "So, you're not having a panic attack over being so forward."

She shook her head. "No, William, I wasn't." She shrugged. "I don't regret meeting you at all." She didn't explain further, but stepped around him to peruse the appetizers that awaited them. "A romantic choice I see," she teased, pointing to the spicy wings and onion bud that he'd ordered.

"I like them."

"They're fine," Buffy said, smiling. She took a seat, reaching over to snag a wing. "I like them too."

Several hours later after a leisurely dinner of steak, roasted potatoes and steamed asparagus found them curled on the couch facing each other. They were well into their second bottle of champagne and Buffy was happily finishing off a few of the strawberries. Spike was watching her. He absently played with his wineglass that was balanced on his thigh. The conversation had been almost too casual while they discussed his career, world events, and her first year of college and the finer points of sightseeing in Sunnydale. Not once had they discussed what was happening between them, his marriage to Drusilla, or her 'Angel' who'd broken her heart. They were still virtually strangers. A fact that didn't sit well with him.

"I was married before," Spike said out of the blue. He didn't regret saying it. She needed to know before making any decisions regarding him. Besides he wanted to tell someone who didn't know the truth. It could be his truth. Buffy looked up from her dessert, eyes wide as she searched his face. "She died about a year ago." He laughed, rubbing his eyes. It wasn't really the right way to say it. He didn't want Buffy to think he was still grieving. So, he told the truth. "That statement gives her the sympathy. She was murdered in a motel room with her lover."

He heard the clatter of the plate hitting the table, and then silk rustling as Buffy slid over to him. Her hands covered his with a strength that he needed.

"She must have been an idiot," Buffy said, with conviction. She cupped his face. "I'm sorry…"

"No reason for you to apologize," Spike said. "You're not the one who pulled the trigger. I'm fine…now. We were falling apart a long time before it happened. There wasn't much love between us left."

"Did they…find out who did it?"

"No," Spike said, with a sigh. "But it looked like a professional hit. The man she was with was very powerful, and married. He probably pissed someone off and my wife was unfortunately in the wrong place at the wrong time." He hung his head. "She was…a fool for thinking that she'd never have to pay a price for the games she played. I'm just relieved that I didn't go down with her." He laughed. "Now you know about my past. Hope it doesn't make you want to go running away from me."

"No," Buffy said squeezing his hands. "Thank you for telling me."

"Don't I deserve the same courtesy?" Spike asked. He tugged on a lock of her hair. "Something about someone breaking your heart…an angel."

"Angel was his name," Buffy said, quietly. She retreated, pulling her legs under her and wrapping her arms around her middle. "We knew each other all our lives. Once we got to high school we dated. A week before senior prom he decided to tell me that he was leaving Sunnydale. He left me without a backward glance and is now going to Princeton."

"He meant that much to you," Spike said. "That you're still broken hearted after, what, two years?" It was a little astounding that a girl like Buffy would still be grieving.

"Have I told you the rotten luck I have with men?" Buffy said with a smile. "Angel was my first love and I guess I measure everyone by him."

"And everyone else falls short?"

"Up until now," Buffy said, gracing him with a smile that warmed him with its intensity. She shook her head. "It's not just Angel that has brought me to this major crossroad of my life."

"What then?" Spike asked, idly playing with a strand of her hair that had found its freedom from the pins.

"My mother died two months ago," Buffy said, blinking back tears. "She had a brain tumor. We thought she was better but I came home from class and found her…on the couch."

Spike reached for her but she waved him back. She needed to get everything out. He understood that. It had taken him a bottle of whiskey, and a very patient, insistent Xander to pour out his feelings about Drusilla. It was an all night session taking until they had both passed out in his living room for him to shut up. He'd been thankful for having a friend who was willing to put up with him. Now, he suspected that Buffy didn't have anyone to listen to her. So, he kept quiet and his distance until she was ready.

"My father came," Buffy continued. "The same one who'd walked out on us a few years earlier. He sold the house since it was still half in his name, took my sister back to LA with him, and left me alone. He handed me a check and said good luck. Everyone I have ever loved has left me..."

She was sobbing so hard by this time that she could barely breathe. Spike gathered her onto his lap, rocking her as she clung to him. The cruelty of the men in her life filled him with a murderous rage. Love was a precious gift that was to be treasured just as Buffy was.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed, pulling away. She wiped her nose with the back of her hand. "I…keep coming undone around you. I should go."

"No, you're fine," Spike said, keeping his arms around her. "I'm here for you."

The silent question stood between them. Would he stay? Spike didn't know. He knew that physically he wanted her more than he should. Her sadness was a tragedy that tugged at his heartstrings. It would any caring, compassionate person, but could he be a support for her? A friend that could help her through this dark time in her life. That he didn't know. He was barely keeping himself afloat in the quagmire that Drusilla had left behind her.

Buffy stared at him. Her eyes blinking as tears still ran down her face, but she didn't say anything. Didn't ask him if he would be her guardian angel. Instead she leaned forward, pressing her lips to his. He accepted the kiss, then the next until she shifted so that she was straddling him and peppering his face with desperate kisses that belied her need.

"Pet, you…need…you're not ready for this," Spike whispered as she nibbled along his neck. "I don't want you to regret anything."

She pulled back then told him something he knew but wished it wasn't the truth. "I'm not a virgin." She rocked forward on his erection, rubbing their evident needs against one another. "Angel was my first, leaving me after taking my virginity, Riley…my boyfriend after I got to college was someone I thought I could trust but left in the midst of my mother's illness. I know you don't want a relationship despite your courting me all day. You want me. I want you. I want to forget everything and lose myself in something that fucking feels good for a change. I know you can give me that."

It was blunt. It tore at his soul to hear her put it like that. He would be the first on her spiral downwards into a cycle of searching for something…anything that would take away the misery that filled her heart. The people in her past had done quite a number on the girl. Taking her heart, making promises they wouldn't keep, then leaving her without any trust. She was right. They wanted each other. She knew the score. And at least he could be her first something.

Spike did the only thing he could. The one thing he wanted. He gave in.

to be continued…


	5. Love Me in the Morning

Chapter 5 – Love me in the Morning

His hands.

His mouth.

They were all over her body. She couldn't form a comprehensive thought. All she could do was feel. She hadn't lied when she'd told him that he could make her feel good. It was beyond good. She was lost on a sensual plane where her body was humming. The cloying heavy scent of magnolias filled her senses with the sensation of making love in a garden.

Buffy rubbed her face against the pillow as Spike kneaded her buttocks. He slid his hands upwards over her waist, leaning into her hip. She sighed in contentment. There was no place else she'd rather be than here in his bed. Her daring words of wanting him had shifted when it came to the awkward part of getting to where she was now. Her only fancy dress had covered cheap pantyhose and plain underwear. She'd been embarrassed as he undressed her, wishing that she could be more than she was for him. Until he uttered one word as he undressed her, "Perfection".

She became his slave then, surrendering to his experience, and his desire for her. She never questioned why he wanted her. It didn't matter. They would only have tonight so there were no consequences of the heart to bother her. No one would ever know how easily she'd given in as she moved into her new life. One of forced adulthood that would leave enough regrets of lost chances. Spike would be a pleasant memory that would forever be an escape for her when things became too much.

"You still awake, kitten?" Spike asked, lapping at her spine. "Am I boring you?"

"I promise that you are not boring me," she sighed. "Spike?"

"Yes," he responded absently, pushing her hair to the side so he could nip at the back of her neck.

"You make me feel really good," Buffy said, her fingers digging into the pillow. He kissed her below the ear, his hands pulling her over to face him. She followed with a soft sigh, cupping his face, and tracing his cheekbone with her thumb while she smiled up at him.

"You do the same for me," he vowed before kissing her again.

His words inspired her as much as his kisses did. Maybe she wasn't the girl that Angel left behind or the one that failed Riley because she could never love him. In Spike's arms she was a woman. The passion stroked her bruised heart as much as her body. She cradled him, running her hands along his back as he slipped between her legs. She wrapped them around his waist as he sought entrance to her body.

"So good," Spike said. "It feels like you're made just for me."

Buffy couldn't say anything. Her world was exploding around her as he took her. She threw her head back as he lowered his head into the crook of her shoulder. There wasn't any need to think. Her body responded to his with an instinct as old as time. They moved toward each other, filling and being filled, as they lost the ability to speak. Buffy panted, moaned as she arched up to receive him over and over again. It didn't take long for her to reach her first orgasm. He'd played her so well, stoking the fire, before he ever entered her. The second came not long afterwards leaving him grinning down at her as her nails dug into this skin. Somehow he knew that he was the only one to take her to these heights. It fed his need for her. His thrusts became more frantic as he sought his own release. It came on the heels of her third.

"Oh, god, Luv," Spike moaned, collapsing on her. He kissed her cheek and then rolled over to remove the condom. He flopped on his back, ignoring her while he regained his breath. She felt alone until he took her hand and tugged. "Come here." She came, curling into his side, loving the feel of him loving her, even if it was only a fantasy. Indulging in a small one for a few minutes wouldn't break any rules except her own. It would be something to fuel the lonely nights she was facing. He pulled the covers over them. "Glad you're here," was all he said. She didn't move, waiting for a sign, and then she heard a soft snore awhile later. She smiled and snuggled closer. She could stay for a bit longer.

* * *

"Where you going?" Spike asked, sleep still heavy in his voice. He wiped at his face, trying to get his bearings and why Buffy was leaving the bed. It was cold without her snuggled against him.

"I…I wasn't sure if you wanted me to stay," Buffy said, pulling the sheet against her breasts. "It's morning and I thought maybe you needed to leave or something."

Spike stared at her for a moment while he tried to decide if she just wasn't sure or if she was trying to give him the brush off. Their lovemaking had been intense. The second time had been even more freeing. They woke up sometime in the night, reaching for the other as if they did it all the time. This time it was she that made love to him. At first her touch was tentative then became bolder when she realized how turned on he was. She became a temptress that fulfilled so many fantasies with her unbridled passion for him. He'd loved watching the girl become a woman in his arms.

"I want you to stay," Spike said.

"Where are we going to go with this?" Buffy asked, plucking at the edge of the sheet. She refused to look at him. Instead she kept her eyes cast downwards. "We both have lives to lead and the longer we play…"

"No, I mean stay with me," Spike said sitting up. He kissed her shoulder, brushing her hair back, and then let his lips trail across her jaw. It was suddenly clear to him. The reason she'd been brought into his life. "Marry me."

"What?"

Her eyes were wide with surprise, but there underneath, if he looked, was hope. It was that hope that he would cling to in the next few minutes. Marrying her hadn't been part of his life plan. Marrying anyone wasn't a goal of his at all. Being single would be easier, but Buffy was here like a gift he hadn't known he coveted. And he wanted her with an intensity that surprised him.

"Marry me, Luv," Spike repeated, with a smile. "Don't you believe in fate?"

"Not really," Buffy said, shaking her head. "Not for me anyway."

"See that's what I mean," Spike said, twirling a strand of her hair around his finger. "You and I are completely opposite, but we found each other anyway. You've made me believe again and I can be that port in the storm that you need."

"We don't know each other," Buffy protested. "It would never work."

"I know enough." He sighed, trying to sort through all the thoughts that were racing through his mind. All the reasons to do it. "You live here, I live in LA, it's too far apart for us to date." He kissed her. "Besides the press would eat you alive if we were dating. If we get married then it will be a short uproar then its over with."

"Until you decide I bore you or something," Buffy whispered. "Or you find out how horrible I am."

"Buffy, I'm not them," Spike said, squeezing her hand. "I already know how wonderful you are. Marry me. Let me take care of you. Be my inspiration."

She stared into his eyes. Searching for an answer that he hoped she wouldn't find. The truth would make her run from him. No one knew the truth but him. Spike swore that if Buffy would be his, he would be everything he'd never been for Drusilla. He would worship this goddess that had graced his life with hope.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure," Spike promised with a smile. "See, pet, I've already got it all figured out. We can drive to Vegas this morning, have lunch, get married and we can be back in LA by tonight."

"I can't just leave for LA," Buffy protested, pulling away with a distressed look. "All my things are in storage here." She waved her hand. "I've lived here all my life. I'm going to college at UC Sunnydale. What would I do in Los Angeles?"

"Be my wife," Spike said softly. He realized he was losing her to her fears. Every excuse was a perfectly reasonable one and he understood them. But he also believed that being with him was better for her than being on her own. "Pet, all I have to do is make a phone call to arrange for your things to be moved to a storage unit in Los Angeles. Or if you want it can be delivered to my place so you can go through it." He brushed back a strand of her hair. "And you do realize that UC Sunnydale is part of the same college system as UCLA so I don't think it will be a problem to transfer your credits."

"You have all the answers, don't you?" Buffy asked. She shook her head. "You're going to take care of me like I was a pet, aren't you?"

"No," Spike said. "If all I wanted was to take care of you then I would ask you to my mistress not my wife."

"I..I," Buffy hesitated. "It's just so sudden, you know?."

"I know it is," he agreed. "But I don't want to let you go. I want you in my life."

"I want you in my life, too," Buffy said, searching his face for an answer. He relaxed when she smiled. Tears spilled down her cheeks as she reached out to hug him. "Yes, I'll marry you."

Spike hugged her close, reveling in the victory he'd just won. Buffy was his. She would marry him. Neither had spoken the word love. They didn't feel it yet. In time they would. He was confident of that.

"Yes," Spike yelped, pulling her down on the bed and rolling them so she was pinned beneath him. Her smile was radiant. It warmed him in the dark places of his soul that only he knew about. Places he hoped she would never know about. He kissed her with an urgency that belied his desire to claim her as only his. She opened herself to him, fully and without restraint. The emotions ran rampant through him, filling him with a happiness he couldn't ever remember. "So, Buffy, have you ever showered with a man?"

"No," Buffy laughed. "Why? Is it a condition of our engagement?"

Laughing along with her, he jumped to his feet then scooped her up in his arms. "Yes, it is," he told her as he strode to the bathroom. "Because in order to have one of the shortest engagements in history we need to get a move on." He set her down on her feet before he reached in to turn the water on.

"Do you really think it's going to save time?" Buffy asked, kissing his back and pressing herself against him.

It wouldn't, but at least he wouldn't have to let her go just yet.

* * *

The insistent ringing of his cell phone broke through his wandering daydreams with the force of tidal wave. Xander ran his fingers down the soft cashmere of the sweater one last time before putting it back in the dresser. He slammed the drawer shut then flipped his phone on.

"What?"

"You in a bad mood?" Spike asked, laughing at him. "Cheer up, man, your series just got renewed for another season."

"Yeah, whatever," Xander said with a sigh. He regretted every signing up for the angst filled teen soap show he was on. He appreciated that it had put him on the covers of magazines. It was just being thirty-two and playing a nineteen old that just ate at him. Nobody took him seriously in the business because of it. "I really want to continue to play the idiot boy for another season."

"Sorry," Spike said. "I know."

Xander could almost see his best friend shaking his head. If anyone knew what was going on in his head, it would be Spike. Most of the time anyway. This was one of those times.

"Look, Spike, it's just been one of those days. Things went to shit really early on the set today. They decided I didn't have to shoot today after all. So, I went in for nothing and Cordy is in one of her moods."

"So, go have a beer," Spike replied, his voice dropping to a more compassionate tone. "Hide out at my house for awhile."

"I'm already there, old buddy," Xander said, with a chuckle. He headed downstairs. "If you're coming back today I would suggest you pick up some more food because your frig' is bare like the frozen arctic."

"Actually, that's why I was calling you, Xan."

"Okay, no problem. I can be your errand boy. Beer, pretzels, frozen pizzas, anything else?"

"I'm getting married."

"Bullshit," Xander said with a laugh as he plopped on the couch. He threw his feet up on the glass coffee table. "Seriously, what do you need?"

"Look, I don't have time to explain everything," Spike said. "I have to meet her in a few minutes."

"You're serious," Xander exclaimed, dropping his feet back on the floor. Spike couldn't be getting married. It had to be a joke. "Who are you marrying? Jenny?"

"Funny, mate, real funny," Spike said. "I met a girl here." He sighed. "She's given me inspiration and hope again."

"So, fuck her and get her out of your system."

"I did and it didn't help. It only made it worse."

"Son of a bitch," Xander said, throwing the perfect pitch of awe into his voice. Who said he couldn't act? "You went and got snared."

"Yeah, I did man," Spike replied. "She's got me wrapped around her finger and there's no place else I want to be."

"Well, congratulations," Xander said, trying to be happy for his friend. It was almost impossible with the way his stomach was twisting up. How could Spike be so stupid as to want to marry someone after only a couple of days? "So what did you need me to do?"

"Go through my place and gather up all the pictures that have Dru in them," Spike said. "And anything else that might hurt Buffy by seeing them. Lock everything up in Dru's closet and I'll get rid of it later. Can you do that for me? Plus arrange for a maid to come in and clean up. Maybe call for groceries so it's not bare when she gets there. I want her to feel special."

"No problem," Xander promised. He took down the last few requests that Spike needed before they ended the phone call. He threw his head back and whistled with disbelief. After the hell that Drusilla had put his friend through, he didn't think Spike would ever get married again. It had been a meltdown of a marriage to rival another world war as far as he was concerned. Xander picked up the first picture and ran his finger along the dark beauty's face. "Well, my little princess, it seems you're replaceable after all. Wonder if she'll be as interesting to have around as you were."

To be continued…


	6. Follow the Yellow Brick Road

**Chapter 6 – Follow the ****Yellow Brick Road**

Ignoring the nervousness that was tearing his stomach to shreds, Spike strode toward the elevator. He reassured himself that everything was going to go just the way he wanted. Every detail he could think of had been seen to since he'd left Buffy at her hotel room door two hours ago. A little research on his laptop had yielded all the information needed to put together an impromptu wedding.

A discreet wedding chapel in Las Vegas was already on reserve for their arrival. And with a bit of persuasion they'd agreed to give them the deluxe package which they usually requested twenty-four hours notice for. It included everything from the bride's bouquet to a keepsake video of the ceremony. It was all very romantic but yet a bit clandestine which made it all the more fun. If things fell into place properly then no one needed to know what was going on until it was over with. He trusted Xander not to say anything until Spike was ready to release the information.

Having a friend who understood the business was always an asset. It was partly their friendship that made Spike interesting to the paparazzi but it was mainly his former marriage to the princess of a movie empire that made him sought after. Of course her death was the sensation of the year before. The fervor had never really died down because there was no closure. Until then Spike was open game for the tabloids even for something as lowly as buying a box of condoms in the local drug store. It only made everyone speculate on which particular ingénue he was planning on using them with.

Stepping into the elevator, Spike held the open door button until the porter, along with the cart holding his luggage, was in the car. Hopefully they would safely be in Los Angeles when the news of his sudden marriage broke. It would probably be best for Buffy if he could take her out of the country for a month at least, but due to the contract disputes he simply couldn't leave. He needed to be where he could be reached at a moments notice.

The porter remained in the elevator until Spike was already heading down the hallway. He'd already been told to wait outside the room until Spike called him in. Spike wasn't sure how comfortable Buffy was going to be at getting used to his lifestyle. It could be overwhelming at first getting used to the circus like atmosphere that surrounded him. Sometimes he still wasn't used to it, but he was confident that she would not only learn but genuinely thrive. She was a smart and gutsy woman that could handle whatever came her way. It was one of the reasons he was so sure that she was meant to be part of his life.

"Hello, William," Buffy said, opening the door almost immediately after his knock. Her hand ran down the soft material of her white blouse. She looked up at him apologetically, "The dress I wore last night was the only white one…"

He kissed her to silence her words. The softness of her lips tempted him to linger a moment longer so that he could taste the lusciousness of her. His hand settled on her hip as his lips drifted along her cheek to whisper in her ear, "Too many ears, pet. You're fine." He proceeded to nuzzle the curve of her neck before stepping back. Buffy looked confused as she stared at him for a second. To ease her discomfort he added softly, "You're more beautiful every time I see you."

A blush stole across her cheeks as she stared down at her outfit again. It was casual, jeans with a flowing white gauze top that reached almost to her knees. She looked young, glowing, and happy. He cocked his head for a moment as he studied her. Yes, she was effulgent. He smiled in satisfaction at his conclusion. There were no doubts in his mind that they were at the beginning of a great journey together.

"Buffy, everything is out of…oh, excuse me," Tara said, stepping out of the bathroom. She was carrying toiletries that he assumed were Buffy's.

"Well, well, you do seem to get around," Spike commented, looking the young woman over. One eyebrow rose in surprise to not only see the maid in Buffy's room but also in street clothes. He looked slowly between the two women who were both wearing guilty expressions. A horrible suspicion entered his mind. It was one that made perfect sense under the circumstances. It filled him with confusion at the very thought. Surely he was wrong? But yet he couldn't stop the callousness of his next words. "It seems I may have been the brunt of a rather nasty ruse."

"What do you mean?" Buffy asked, putting her hand on his arm. Her green eyes were in a tempest of concern as she searched his face. It was as if she was worried that someone had hurt him. It only made his heart ache with bittersweet hope.

"It almost worked, didn't it?" Spike growled, still unable to control the beast within him. "The two of you…"

"…are friends," Buffy completed. She sighed in relief. "I'm sorry, William, for not telling you. It's a small town. Tara and I went to the same high school. She recognized me when I checked in and knew what I'd gone through. We just couldn't let anyone know we were renewing our friendship. The hotel frowns on employees and guests mingling."

"That's right…sir," Tara confirmed, bashful as she stared at the ground. "Please don't make a complaint against me." She glanced up at him. "I'll be fired if you do."

The two of them looked like guilty children caught peeking at presents before Christmas morning. His foolish idea of them trapping the rich older man flew out the window. He breathed a sigh of relief, feeling foolish for thinking these two obviously innocent women capable of even considering such a scheme. He shook his head at his growing cynical nature.

"So, Buffy called you to tell you that I proposed?" Spike asked, after glancing behind him to make sure the door was firmly shut behind him and no one passing by could overhear their conversation.

"Yes, sir," Tara said, with a joyful smile that made her eyes twinkle. "She was so excited, but kind of nervous so I told her I'd come over to help her get dressed and packed."

Spike slipped his arm around Buffy's waist, pulling her closer to his side so he could kiss her cheek. "Nothing to be nervous about, Luv," he assured her. "I promise I'm going to take good care of you."

"I know you will," Buffy said, staring trustingly into his eyes. Pride swelled his heart that this extraordinary creature would want to spend her life with him.

"Congratulations," Tara said, interrupting their moment to remind them that she was there. She bustled over to the bed to finish packing the things she was holding. "That should do it," she said as she zipped the suitcase. "You're ready to go."

"Thank you, Tara," Buffy said, going over to hug the other woman. "I'm going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you, too," Tara said, holding tight to her friend.

Seeing the honest affection between the two friends, Spike reached into his back pocket to pull out his wallet. From it he extracted Giles's business card. He scribbled on the back of it his personal phone number and cell phone then handed it to Tara. Buffy didn't really have anyone left in her life. It would be a shame for her to lose another friend.

"You can reach Buffy at these numbers," he explained, pointing at the card. "If you need anything please don't hesitate to contact us."

"Thank you," Tara said, slipping the card into the pocket of her jeans. "Buffy feel free to call me anytime. Okay?"

"I will," Buffy replied, giving her friend one last hug. She stepped over to the bed and reached for her overnight bag. "Guess it's time to go."

Spike took her hand, successfully stopping her from picking the bag up. "There's a porter waiting in the hall that will take care of that for you, Luv."

"Oh," Buffy said with a shrug. "All right," she finished with an apologetic smile. "I guess I'm just used to taking care of myself."

"Of course you are," Spike said. "Now that you're with me you'll have to get used to being pampered."

There was an uncomfortable silence as he opened the door and motioned for the porter to retrieve her bags. No one said anything until the task was done and they were headed toward the elevators. Tara stopped in front of the stairwell entrance.

"It wouldn't be good for me to be seen leaving with you two," Tara said, stopping in front of the exit. She reached for Buffy's hand. "Take care of yourself."

"Don't have to do that anymore," Buffy said, with a smile. "Going to get pampered, remember?"

"You deserve it," Tara said. "Congratulations and I hope only the best for the two of you."

"Come on, Luv," Spike said, once the door had closed behind the young woman. He put his hand on the small of Buffy's back to direct her to the elevator. "Everything is going to be all right."

Buffy followed him without hesitation. Spike shielded her in front of him while the porter rode in the back of the car. The ride to the garage level was made in silence. He led the group to where his car was parked, and then opened the trunk for the porter to load it with their belongings. It was only after everything was in the car and the porter was walking away, did she turn to him again.

"I have to go by the front desk before we leave," Buffy said. "There are a few extra charges on my bill that I need to take care of."

"Already paid for," Spike said, "I hope you don't mind that I did. I had to go by the front desk myself and just did everything at one time. It seemed easier at the time."

The confusion on her face showed that the reality of what she had agreed to was becoming apparent to her. She had asked him if he planned on making her a pet and he had denied it. All he wanted was to let her know that she wasn't alone anymore. That there was someone who would be there to handle things if her world became too much. But he knew there was a stubborn streak to her. Buffy needed to be able to handle things. To have control over her life or she wouldn't feel safe. It was obvious that he'd overstepped his bounds by taking the decision out of her hands.

"Thank you," Buffy said graciously before he had a chance to say anything. "I really do appreciate everything you're doing for me. I shouldn't act like I'm not grateful."

"You're going to be my wife," Spike said, cupping her face. "It's just going to take us some time to figure out all these little details. Don't be afraid to tell me when I'm being an asshole, okay?"

She leaned into his hand that was still holding her cheek. "Every time I've come to depend on someone they're gone."

"I know, pet, I know," Spike whispered, kissing her. "I'm here…not going to leave you."

Buffy nodded and gave him a smile full of that warmth he needed from her. Looking into her eyes he could see the youth that he had squandered away. He would find that childhood hope and belief in her again. He had to. Spike kissed her forehead then turned to open the car door for her.

"Let's go get married."

"Now that I can agree with," Buffy said with a smile as she slid into the passenger seat.

She tucked her blouse around her before he shut the door. He grinned as he jogged around the car. It was kind of silly in his opinion to be this happy about a woman and marrying her after only two days. The reality of his life kept trying to intrude on this bubble of joy but he wouldn't allow it to burst. This was what he'd been looking for. It made him want to live again. _She_ made him want to care again. Whatever sacrifices had to be made were worth it, he told himself as he climbed into the car. She smiled at him like he was her prince charming. It was what he wanted to be. He wanted real love with Buffy not the games he'd endured with Drusilla. Buffy would know that she was the center of his life.

"Now, all I have to do is put in the address for the wedding chapel," Spike said, turning on his navigation system. "And we can be on our way."

"We're not going to have Elvis marrying us, are we?" Buffy asked, fiddling with the hem of her blouse.

"Nope, just an impersonator dressed like him," Spike said, managing not to crack a smile as he teased her. He liked watching her eyes widen as she tried not to complain. She only shook her head before turning to look out the window. "I promise the ceremony will be very classy," he amended, turning the ignition on. Still not sure if she was okay with the arrangements, he took her hand, kissing the back of it before rubbing it across his face. "It will be as special as we can make it under the circumstances, okay?"

"Okay," Buffy replied. "I'll put myself in your capable hands."

For the next few minutes Spike concentrated on the hectic morning traffic as commuters headed back into town. As he headed toward I-15 which would take them to Vegas, it seemed everyone else on the road was going the same way they were. The racy Porsche maneuvered around the slower moving vehicles, but unlike the day he'd met Buffy, he drove with caution. There was more at stake now.

The computer chirped at him every once in a while to make another turn until he arrived at the on ramp on the highway. He managed to merge without problems then move over to the far left lane which at least seemed to be moving, albeit slowly. It was then that he relaxed, leaning back into his seat, for the duration of the drive. It would take almost four hours to reach their destination.

"Would you like to change the radio station?" Spike asked. It was funny, he didn't even know what kind of music Buffy preferred or her favorite color or even what her middle name was, but it didn't really seem to matter. They had plenty of time to figure all these things out. "Buffy?" Spike asked, when she didn't reply. He glanced over to find her curled in the seat with her head resting against the window. She was sound asleep. He slipped her hair behind her ear and whispered, "Sleep tight, lamb, it's going to be a long day."

_to be continued… _


	7. Til Death Do Us Part

**Chapter 7 – Til Death Do Us Part**

Her beauty never ceased to amaze him. She constantly surprised him with each new complex layer that she showed him. A vision in a long form fitting dress rented from the chapel along with a veil that swept along her shoulders. Spike's knees almost buckled beneath him when Buffy started down the aisle toward him. A womanly smile graced those luscious lips that could drive him mad with need. Oh, there was no doubt any longer. He was in love with this dream that seemed to be created only for him. This was who he'd been searching for his entire life.

Spike held his hand out for her to take when she neared him. They were icy to the touch belying the fear that was making her tremble beside him. Her eyes beneath the white lace told of her surety of this ceremony. He kissed the back of her hand before turning to the man who would join them in holy wedlock. The ceremony was a blur to Spike until he was asked to swear until 'death do us part'. His thoughts returned to another wedding, to another woman that he took that vow for, and the results. Fear filled him that he would fail this woman too. Images of his dark princess lying on a cold slab waiting for him to claim her flashed through his mind.

It was him that identified her body. The man she had betrayed him with lying in the same room. Gunshot wounds tearing their chests apart above their hearts marred the perfections of their bodies. He didn't want to let her go, but it was done. Nothing he ever did would take away the mistakes he made in his first marriage. No one would ever know went on between them behind closed doors. The hatred that bloomed from the first passionate months of their lives together that ended in Drusilla's demise in a cheap hotel room. The guilt and shame was too much for him to bear. He had collapsed onto the cold tile of the morgue floor screaming for what would never be again. It was Xander that had carried him from that place of death.

"I'm here," Buffy whispered, shaking him from the horrifying memories that made him want to run. "It's okay."

She leaned her forehead against his cheek. Her hand nestled in his, so strong, so comforting, giving him the strength to let go of the past. He wept in relief as he finished his vow, "I will be with you until my last breath. I promise 'til the end of the world, Buffy."

It was sufficient. They were married after a few more words were spoken between them. He had no ring to give his bride but planned a trip to Tiffany's the first chance they got. It would only be the best for Buffy. He poured all his new found love and hope into their first kiss as man and wife. It was tender but powerful. He took it as a sign that all would be right in the future despite the quickness of their union.

"I'm so happy," Buffy told him as she looped her arms around his neck. "This is a dream come true."

"I know what you mean, Mrs. Nagle," Spike said, smiling down at her. He pulled her close to him. "I can't believe I found you."

They kissed again. This time it was only an affectionate peck before they made their way back down the aisle. There were a few pictures taken before Buffy retreated to change back into her own clothes. Spike took care of the final arrangements and gathered their photos and video tape along with their license.

Buffy appeared happy when she returned to him. A smile graced her face as she walked straight to him.

"Hey there, pet," Spike greeted her with a smile of his own. "You hungry? I thought maybe we could have lunch before we returned to LA."

"It sounds wonderful. Now that my nerves are settling down, my stomach is growling."

"Well, then that settles it. I have to make sure my wife is properly taken care of," Spike replied, taking her hand. "There's a nice restaurant down the street I think you'll like. It serves a little bit of everything."

After thanking the helpful personnel at the chapel, they hurried back to the Porsche. It was hard for Spike to concentrate on driving. He wanted to hold his bride, reassure himself that she and this marriage were for real. Her hand came to rest on his thigh as if she could read his thoughts. He could feel the caress of her thumb through the denim of his jeans, burning into him. Suddenly nothing else mattered. She was there for him. He didn't need to worry.

Smith & Wollensky was a favorite place for Spike to visit whenever he visited Las Vegas or New York. A steakhouse that served top quality meals in a comfortable atmosphere was the type of establishment that he preferred. He figured that Buffy would like it too because it was such a relaxed type of eatery. Pulling into the front of the three-story building the valet rushed over to take over the parking for them. He took Buffy's hand to lead her into the establishment, not letting her go for one moment. Not even when the hostess led them to a secluded table on the third floor giving them the privacy they wanted. They slid into the same side of the booth. His arm went across the back of the booth while Buffy cuddled into his side.

"Good afternoon. My name is Paul and I will be your server this afternoon," a young man said, who came to stand beside their table. "May I bring you something to drink?"

"Iced tea," Buffy replied, glancing down at the menu handed to her.

"The same for me," Spike added, allowing his menu to remain on the table while he peered over Buffy's shoulder. "Anything look good, pet?"

"It all does. I'm starving."

"Sorry," Spike whispered, kissing her cheek. "I guess I should have stopped somewhere earlier."

"Stop it, William," Buffy said, shifting to look at him. "If I was that hungry, I would have said something. I was too nervous before to eat anyway." She kissed the corner of his mouth. "I appreciate you wanting to take care of me but I'll speak up if I need something."

"Promise?"

Spike covered her hand with his as memories assaulted him again. The demands Drusilla made upon him. Things she insisted he should have known about but had no clue. Maybe it was his youth and inexperience with women before he met his wife that made him so unable to give her what she needed. He shook his head but something dark beckoned to him. Something his first wife enjoyed. Something that he gave to her but always made him afraid.

"William," Buffy called softly to him. Her hand caressed his cheek bringing him out of his former hell with her sunshine for the second time that day. "Don't….okay? I promise."

He nodded, unable to form the words needed. Buffy was beside him. She needed him. Forcing everything away but the girl beside him, Spike returned his attention to the menu, letting his finger drift across the selections.

"Why don't we order several appetizers and share them?" Spike asked. "Maybe a salad and the shrimp cocktail. Do you like lobster?"

"I've never had it," Buffy replied, staring intently at the menu as if she was embarrassed by her admission.

"Well, then you should," Spike said easily. He decided it was going to be fun to open up a new world to his wife. Teach her things that she only dreamed about before. They were both quiet for the next few moments until their server returned with their drinks and to take their order. Spike played with a curl of blonde hair that rested on Buffy's shoulder. "I was thinking earlier that I really don't know that much about you. Like what music you like?"

"Pop, alternative," Buffy said, with a smile. "You?"

"Punk."

"I should have known," she said with a giggle. "You seem the rebellious type."

"Hmm, do I now? Was a bit of a nerd as a kid."

"Then you got tired of it," Buffy said. "Rebelled with all the bad things you shouldn't do."

"Something like that," Spike said, wondering how someone so young got so astute. She'd pretty much nailed his changes accurately. "Bet you've always been the good girl."

"Something like that. Cheerleader, on the homecoming court, etc... Guess I'm the typical blonde ditz."

Spike was ready to refute her claim but then noticed the twinkling in her eyes. She was teasing him, but he decided that maybe she still needed the assurance that she wasn't. Didn't everybody joke about what made them insecure?

"Never typical, my love," he said, nuzzling her cheek with his nose. "Very special indeed."

"Okay, not typical," Buffy said, her hands folding into her lap. "Just ditzy."

"Why do you say that?"

"I'm not very book smart," Buffy said, bowing her head. "Somehow I did pretty good on my SAT, but always struggled in my classes."

"Are you afraid that I expect you to be some kind of genius or something?"

She shrugged.

"I'm not a genius either," Spike said. "Most of my plans fall apart before I ever take the first step; I'm pretty emotional which is why I can write what I do. Ask me to do algebra or to dissect a triangle or something and I'll just stare at you. So, I guess we'll be dumb blondes together."

This time she giggled. Her kiss showed her relief at not being looked down upon for who she was. He wondered which bastard of an ex-boyfriend made her feel like she was lacking in intelligence or some other area that he found important. Hoping to make her feel even better, he hugged her close to him. She relaxed against him making him feel that he could be the savior that he wanted to be. It reinforced his earlier thoughts that this was meant to be.

The rest of their late lunch passed in easy conversation that covered current events, their wedding and their preferred foods. Things that wouldn't cause any kind of bad feelings on either of their parts. Leaving the restaurant, Spike retrieved the keys from the valet then handed them to Buffy.

"Want to drive for awhile?"

"I don't know how to drive stick," Buffy said, shuffling her feet. "Actually, I'm not much of a driver at all."

"One of those unmixy things?" Spike teased, taking the keys back and opening the door for her.

"Yep," Buffy said, sliding into the car.

"You just have to get comfortable with it," Spike said, climbing into the car on his side. "Everybody drives in LA. What kind of car do you think you would like? BMW, Mercedes…?"

"A Toyota," Buffy teased. "Something that won't cost so much when I destroy it."

"An Infiniti then," Spike replied, pulling out into traffic and heading toward home. "What color?"

"You're serious, aren't you?"

"Yeah," Spike said, glancing over at Buffy who was staring wide eyed at him. "You'll need a car to get around. It's like I said, everybody drives, unless you want me to hire you a driver?"

"No, no," Buffy protested. She sighed. "I guess I didn't really think about the changes that I'll have to make."

"We have to make," Spike corrected gently. He reached over to squeeze her hand. "One thing at a time, okay? It will be one of the good things about me working at home; I'll be around to help you adjust to the city."

* * *

Despite his promises it scared her to death. Suddenly Buffy was terrified at what she had done. Her mother would be horrified at her daughter marrying so rashly. A long lecture would be in the works, but her mother was gone. Buffy blinked away tears before they could fall. Before Spike could see them. It wouldn't do to worry him anymore than she already had. She must seem ungrateful for everything he wanted to do for her, but she felt like someone had thrown her in the deep end and she had no idea of how to swim. All she was sure of was that she wanted to be with his man beside her.

When he held her, she felt safe. He brought her pleasure she never thought possible. In his arms she was a woman, not the little girl she'd been only a few days ago. For some reason he believed in her so she swore she'd muddle her way through this. Moving her hand to rest on his thigh again, she settled back into her seat for the long ride home.

"Spike, where do you live?" Buffy asked, as she realized she had no clue other than Los Angeles. "I mean do you live in a house?"

"Nope, not a house," Spike replied. "I live on the Wilshire corridor in a condo building called Sanctuary. I've got one of the two penthouses. It has two levels along with a private terrace. Beautiful views of the city and it's only a couple of blocks to Rodeo Drive."

"Wow," Buffy muttered. If she like she was drowning before, now she felt like she was being taken under by a tidal wave. She would soon be living a life that she never even dared to fantasize about. Small town girls like her didn't end up in fairy tale lives like this. William spoke about Rodeo Drive like she would about going to Wal-mart. "How much money do you have?" She blurted.

"Enough," Spike laughed. "Actually more than enough," he said. "I guess you didn't marry me for my money after all."

"You said you were an author," Buffy said, talking more to herself than to him. "I knew you had some money but now you sound like you're…well, loaded."

"That's because I am."

"I'm sorry," Buffy rushed out when she realized she was making him uncomfortable. Her mother always told her it was crude to discuss someone's monetary worth. Ashamed because she was acting so rude, she apologized again. "William, I'm sorry. I hadn't really thought about it before and it kind of caught me by surprise."

Placing her hand on his arm, she could feel the tenseness that vibrated just beneath the surface of his skin. She leaned over to kiss the corner of his mouth and whispered, "Forgive me?"

"Always," Spike said a moment later. He kissed her quickly before returning his attention back to the road.

Buffy relaxed, happy that he seemed to willing to let her rudeness go. She promised herself that she would try to act like she was comfortable with all the new things that would be coming her way in the near future. If she could then she wouldn't have to worry about making her husband ashamed of his small town wife.

_to be continued…_


	8. The City of Angels

**Chapter 8 – The City of Angels**

Buffy's eyes widened when Spike pointed out Sanctuary to her. The building rose majestically toward the skyline with what she quickly calculated at what had to be almost twenty stories. It was a mix of stone and glass that demanded a person's awe at its magnificent beauty. No warmth lie in the shadow of her regal posture, only an arrogance that made Buffy wonder at what she bore in inside.

Her study was muted when Spike turned into the underground garage with a casual manner that belied his comfortable ease at being here. She, however, seemed to be raising a swarm of butterflies in her stomach. Buffy placed a hand over her abdomen while telling herself there was no reason for concern. Her husband of only a few hours would guide her through the initial period of adjustment.

Spike flipped open his cell phone and pushed a few buttons. "Hey, Xander, you still at my place?" There was a pause before Spike laughed and told his friend to meet them in the garage to help with the luggage. He pulled the car into a spot that was marked with the words Penthouse 2. "You ready to see your new home, pet?"

"Yes," Buffy said, plastering on her brightest smile. "The building is beautiful."

"Not as beautiful as you," Spike answered, leaning over to kiss her. His lips were demanding as he plundered her mouth. She responded in the way he seemed to want, submissive but passionate. He playfully squeezed one breast before letting her go. "I'll get Xander to help us get everything upstairs then send him on his way. I want to be alone with my wife on our wedding night."

"Me, too," Buffy said, reaching for her door handle but it swung open before she could get to it.

"Hi there, Mrs. Nagle," a brunette man said. He was smiling but it seemed to be as receptive as the building. "I'm the Xan Man and the best friend of your husband."

Uncomfortable under his gaze, Buffy reached for her purse on the floorboard to give herself a second to get together. When she looked up, Xander had straightened up again, but his hand was there to help her from the car. Not wanting to appear rude, she accepted his help. It was only when she was standing beside him that it dawned on her who her husband's friend was.

"You're Alex Lavelle?" She asked, staring at the television star in front of her who was being so casual about meeting her.

"Only when playing star," Xander joked. "Most of the time I'm just Xander Harris." He and Spike looked at each with indulgent amusement. "Looks like your bride likes your best friend."

"Very funny," Spike responded, with an edge that startled Buffy.

She shook her head to clear out the quagmire of uncertainty that was making her behave like a schoolgirl. Stepping around Xander, she joined her husband at his side, letting her arm brush against him as she reached for her overnight bag. Throwing it over her shoulder she looked back at Xander.

"I really appreciate you helping with my bags," she said politely but with a bit of frost. There was no way she was going to let this star put any kind of distance between her and her husband. "It's been a long day for both of us. I'm exhausted and I'm sure William is, too."

"No problem," Xander said, taking her spot next to Spike. He reached in to help pull the bags out. "After all that's what friends are for."

The air was crackling with tension between her and Xander. She took the time to study him as he and Spike figured out how to get all of the luggage up in one trip. They seemed to move in tandem as they stacked the smaller bags on the larger rolling ones. There was no need for instructional words as they worked. Nothing but jokes that she was sure Xander cracked to make sure she felt like an outsider. She was warring on the inside as to whether or not to let it get to her when Spike looked up at her with such tenderness that it chased away her doubts.

"I think we're ready to roll," Spike said, grabbing the handle of a bag.

He already had his overnight bag on his shoulder, but he appeared to be completely capable of handling the load. Her eyes raked over his body remembering the feel of his muscles beneath her fingertips. It sent a wave of lust through her that made her wish for them to be alone soon. His kiss on her cheek as he reached for the button to the elevator let her know that he was thinking the same thing she was. She felt his heat all the way to her toes. Nothing could bother her now.

The two men arranged the bags in the elevator when it arrived, leaving her a small space between them to stand. Feeling their eyes on her she stared at the floor while the car whisked its way upwards through the building. The doors parted when they reached the twentieth floor. Buff started to step out but Spike's hand on her arm prevented her from moving. She looked at him in curiosity but his grin didn't give anything away.

"Hold on, Mrs. Nagle," Spike said, with a wink. He pushed his load of luggage out, waited for Xander to do the same before returning to her. "It's tradition you know," he whispered as he scooped her up in his arms. "Don't want to give us any bad luck when we're only beginning."

She laughed at his antics. They made her feel loved as he stepped into the hallway. "I thought you were supposed to do this over the threshold, not down the hall."

"This is the threshold, Luv," Spike responded, putting her on her feet. "Private elevator. Don't let me forget to get you a swipe card for it."

"It would be pretty bad if I couldn't come home," Buffy teased in an effort to cover up her ignorance at this lifestyle. She glanced around the ornate entryway that she had assumed was a public corridor. "Show me around?" She asked Spike slipping her hand into his.

"Of course, my lady," Spike said, pulling her toward the open end of the hallway.

Their luggage was left behind as he steered her toward the living room. The room was large with a lot of open space. The floor was shining oak while the furniture arranged sparsely on it was modern. Too modern for Buffy's taste as she took in the angular living room set accented with metal. A molded piece of glass stood in front and on the sides giving the illusion of ice. The only thing hinting of warmth in the cavernous room was the fireplace, but even that was chilly with its marble façade. She looked up at the open ceiling that reached to what must be the second floor. Thankfully, Spike didn't notice her reluctance as he led her into another small room that at least had furniture that was more comfortable for sitting.

"This is the family room," Spike said, sweeping his arm out then pointed to his right. "The kitchen is through there with a maid's room on the other side. And no, I don't have a live in maid." He turned to smile at her then led her back the other way when she stopped as she looked out the floor to ceiling window.

"Oh, my god, it's gorgeous," Buffy said, letting go of his hand before walking over to stand before it. The city lights spread out before her, glowing like stars in the night sky. "I can't believe this…I'm living here now." Spike made a grunting sound that had her turning to see if he was all right. "It's just wow, William, but I didn't marry you for this." She giggled, moving closer to him. "I didn't even know you had it." She slipped her hand under his shirt allowing her fingers to trail across his warm flesh. "I think it was something else entirely that made me follow you home."

The next thing she knew she was pressed against the glass wall while he kissed her with so much hunger it made her ache. His hands cupped her ass, pulling her closer against him while his tongue dominated hers with a need that sent heat pooling in her center. All she could think was that this was what it was to belong to someone who wanted her…needed her. The last few months of intense loneliness were only a memory when he held her like this. She understood the aching hunger in his kiss because she felt it, too. Nothing was going to take him away from her. Not even her own silly foolish reactions to the things that were now hers. She would find a way to cope, even to shine, in her role as his wife.

The sound of someone clearing their throat separated them. Spike held her where she was while he looked over his shoulder at Xander. Buffy hid her face in his other shoulder, willing her breathing to slow down. Both she and William were on fire with the kiss that didn't seem like it would ever end. He kissed her cheek and let his hands move around her waist to hold her close.

"Sorry, mate," Spike said. "It is our wedding night."

"That it is," Xander said. "I went ahead and took your luggage upstairs for you." He waved his hands. "Didn't do anything just parked in the middle of the bedroom."

"Thank you," Buffy said, stepping out from behind Spike. "I think I would like to freshen up and change clothes if you don't mind?"

"No, of course not," Spike said. "Go back through the living room and down the hall. The stairs will be on your left. Turn right upstairs. Bedroom is in the corner. Let me say good night to Xander and I'll be right up."

"All right. Thank you again, Xander," Buffy said, putting her hand out for him to shake. "I really do appreciate your help and am looking forward to getting to know you."

"No problem," Xander said, cocking his head before shaking the proffered hand. "It was nice to meet you, too."

With a last smile at William, Buffy headed in the directions she'd been given. She kept chronicling the things that the house contained. Paintings, sculptures, and she knew they were all original without being told. Someone of William's stature wouldn't have anything but the best. She was surprised to find another elevator just to go to the second floor, but in its own way it made sense. On the second floor she noted the bedroom to her left that must be a guest room then a long hallway that ended at the master's suite. The view here was just as spectacular as the one below with its own terrace outside a set of french doors on the far side of the room. The bed was a steel and leather platform monstrosity that she wrinkled her nose at. Hopefully it was comfortable.

It was going to be heaven to live here, she decided as she searched through her bag to find something more comfortable to put on. Unfortunately, she wasn't the femme fatale her husband was probably used to so instead she grabbed a pair of comfortable pajamas with a pink tank top and long matching sleep pants. A little more exploring yielded a hallway with a closet on her right and a bathroom on the left, but there were more rooms further down. She put her things on the counter and continued to find out what was down there. Passing a linen closet first, she found another bathroom at the end. This one contained a large tub that made her smile with the thought of future soaks in it. Turning around to leave she realized the shower connected to both bathrooms.

"How convenient," she whispered to herself. "This is like living in Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous." Giggling, she made her way over to the other door but was surprised to find it lock. "Probably just storage or something," Buffy told herself before hurrying back to the first bathroom.

It didn't take her long to change into her pajamas and brush her hair and teeth. She washed her face then decided since William hadn't joined her she'd go exploring. Slipping into a pair of sandals she set off back downstairs. At the bottom of the stairs she was faced with another shut door, but she could hear William talking to someone. And since Xander was supposed to have left, she figured he must be on the phone. Alone for the moment she headed out to investigate the terrace that stretched out to the left of the penthouse. It was long and rectangular with several sitting areas and a wet bar against the wall. She slipped behind the bar, inspecting the glasses on the enclosed shelves delighting in the fine crystal. The small fridge was stocked and she smiled as she reached for a diet soda.

Buffy headed for the edge of the terrace, leaning against it while taking a sip of her cold drink. She felt good about things. The penthouse wasn't exactly decorated in a style that was comfortable to her, but she could make do. Maybe one day William would allow her to make some changes that would more suit her. She could make a home for them. Someplace comfortable that would make them both happy and be a little more baby friendly if they got lucky.

"I can see why he found you entrancing," Xander said, standing behind her. She whirled to find him staring at her.

"I thought you left."

"Hmm, needed to talk to Spike about a few things," Xander said, his eyes drifting over her breasts under the tightness of her shirt. "You must be really good in bed to make him marry you though."

"It's more than that," Buffy said, crossing her arms over her front.

"Well, its not love. Not after only what? Two days? You're young, beautiful and easy, and I'm sure that Spike was an easy catch with all his need to be loved. But you don't love him, do you?"

"Yes, I do," Buffy declared without thinking. The words felt right. "I do love him," she said, with wonder at her own revelation. It gave her a courage she didn't know she had. "I'm going to do everything I can to make him happy."

"You see to that," Xander said, stepping closer to her. "I won't tolerate anyone is his life that wants to screw him over or make him miserable."

"You sound jealous."

"No, protective," Xander replied, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear in a similar way that Spike did. "He's bailed my ass out of a lot of trouble and I owe him. Make him happy and there won't be any problems between us. Okay?"

"Don't make trouble for us and we'll be just fine," Buffy blustered, pulling away from him and putting her chin up.

"Hey, you two," Spike said, stepping out onto the terrace. "What are you two up to?"

"Just looking at the sights," Xander said, with a smile. "Learning to be friends. The usual bullshit, man."

"Good," Spike said, slipping his arms around Buffy. He kissed her forehead. "Sorry, I was delayed, but I needed to check my messages."

"Its fine," Buffy said, leaning against him. "I just did some exploring then came out here."

"See, she'll adapt just fine," Spike said, turning to look at Xander. "She's a lot tougher than she looks. Believe me, I found that out early enough."

It seemed that Xander was trying to make trouble for them. When he turned to look at her there wasn't a hint of embarrassment or remorse in his eyes. Buffy just wondered exactly why he was so adamant about William being alone. If they were friends, shouldn't Xander want Spike to find love?

_To be continued…_


	9. Secrets

**Chapter 9 – Secrets**

His lady had grace, Spike decided as he watched Buffy move around his room. He took advantage of her being unaware of his presence to simply observe the woman he married. Most of the women he'd been intimate with dressed to seduce in silk and lace, but not his wife. She was clothed in simple pajama bottoms and a tank top that revealed the curve of her breasts and pert nipples that poked invitingly through the thin material. Her feet were bare, not even polish on her toes, but they were still neatly manicured. And soft, he remembered from when they were sliding along his legs during their long night together.

Totally unaware of her beauty, she was the sexiest woman he'd ever met. A part of him hoped that she never learned the power she could wield with those looks. Her ingenuousness was one of the most attractive things about her. If she lost it then she would be like thousands of other women whose only beauty was on the outside. She would be like his Drusilla. He pushed the dark thoughts away and concentrated on Buffy.

She was unpacking her suitcase into the dresser drawers emptied by Xander before they arrived home. There was nothing awkward as she did something so ordinary. It was more like she was a fairy flitting from flower to flower. He smiled as she looked into the mirror and caught him staring at her. She returned the smile before turning to look at him.

"Everything all right?" He asked, still not entering the domain she was claiming.

"Yeah, it's fine," Buffy replied, straightening up. The confusion on her face told him that something wasn't right. He tilted his head and waited. Finally she spoke, "Um, the closet seems to be full with all your things. Is that another closet at the end of the hallway?"

Spike stepped back as if forcibly shoved. There was no breath in his lungs as he accepted that Drusilla wasn't erased yet. No longer were her things scattered about the place, but yet she was still a presence there. Like the living, breathing woman who he'd both loved and abhorred, her memory dug deep into his soul. Only a few days ago he'd still wanted her company, hoping that one day he would understand why she stopped loving him.

Now, though, with his invitation to the light before him, Drusilla only tortured him. He wanted the door shut forever. Why hadn't he ever taken the time to eradicate her from not only from the apartment but also from his heart? He could almost hear her laughter at not only his impetuous commitment to another, but also at the thought that this slip of a girl could replace the one who had understood the darkness of his soul.

"Spike?" Buffy asked. Her hand cupped his cheek and he opened his eyes to find her searching his face. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said, leaning into her caress. It was soft and warm, reminding him that he didn't have to give in to the temptations beckoning him to succumb. He pulled her close to him. "I'm sorry, Luv. It's just…it's another closet, but it still has Dru's things in it."

"Oh," Buffy replied, pulling away from him, but not before he felt the stiffening of her body. "Do you want me to hang my clothes in the guest room then?"

She moved back to the bed where she gathered up a pile that she'd stacked there. It was the last of her clothing to be put away. Her eyes remained steadfastly locked on the carpet somewhere in front of his feet. For some reason he couldn't decipher, it angered him that Buffy just expected for his first wife to be completely gone from his life. Sent away like an unwanted guest that had stayed too long. He snatched the clothing from her arms, pushing past her in order to get to his closet. He shoved his shirts aside before grabbing some hangers to start hanging her things.

"Bloody hell, woman," he muttered to himself but yet loud enough for her to hear. "If I wanted you to be in the damn guest room I would have put you there. Is it too much trouble to just move this shit to the side?"

The slamming of the bedroom door was her answer to his tirade. While a spark of admiration flitted through him at her defiance of him, it also increased his anger. Spike stormed through the bedroom, following her down the stairs to the main room. She wasn't in sight, and he stopped to try and find where she'd gone to. A sob revealed that she was in the dining room. He hurried to her side, remorse at his insensitivity moving him to be apologetic.

"Buffy, oh god, I'm sorry," he whispered, dropping to his knees beside her. He tried to pull her into his arms but she resisted. "I warned you that I was an asshole the first night." He sighed and brushed the curtain of her hair back so that he could see her face. "Everything it's…I don't know how to say it except that I do want you here."

"Did I do something wrong that upset you?"

"Of course not, pet. You haven't done anything wrong."

"But…"

"Shhh," Spike pleaded, kissing the corner of her mouth. "I'm just confused that's all. It's not you."

"Promise?" she asked, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I only want to make you happy."

"You do, baby," he swore. "Forgive my badness?"

"Yeah," she breathed against his lips. "I forgive you." She kissed him then murmured, "Just don't ever do it again."

"Yes, ma'am," he laughed, before kissing her again. She yielded to him in that way that drove him crazy. Her mouth opened at his request, letting his tongue tangle with hers. It was a sweet kiss that wasn't filled with a lot of passion. More of a give-and-take moment that healed the rift he'd put between them. She sighed when he pulled away. "I'll get the closet cleaned out as soon as I can. I promise."

"No," Buffy said, with a quick shake of her head. "I know that this thing between us didn't really give either of us time to prepare for it." She fiddled with a button on his shirt. "I know that you'll deal with it when you're ready."

"I am ready to put the past behind me," he declared, sweeping her off her feet and into his arms. "You're the only woman I want in my life."

The look of adoration in her eyes was all the inspiration he needed to slam his mental door on Drusilla. He'd never been the recipient of such heady worship from his dark princess like he was with Buffy. He knew that he walked a fine balance with his new wife. She was so innocent of the ugliness that filled the world. Yet, with such ease she was slaying the demons of his soul. It made him want to do anything to bring a smile to her lovely face.

He carried her up the stairs to their bedroom while she left a trail of kisses and nips along his cheek and neck. Her hand unbuttoned his shirt so that she could slip her hand in to explore his chest. Already he was hard from her attention. Intent on his need for her, Spike laid her on the bed and immediately followed her down. She was waiting with open arms to pull him on top of her.

Urgency filled them both as they pulled clothes away so they could caress skin heated from desire. Their kisses grew more passionate with each one that was interrupted from the necessity of oxygen. It was she that led him to her core, begging to be filled by him. He easily slid inside of her while she clung to him with arms and legs surrounding him.

"Make me yours," Buffy begged, arching up to meet his thrust. "I want you so much."

Spike slid to his knees, holding onto her bottom so that he could use more force as he fucked her. She watched him with wide eyes. Her fingers clutched the sheet beneath her while her legs tightened around his waist. They both panted as they writhed together toward fulfillment.

"You like this, pet?" Spike asked, pounding into her compliant flesh. "Am I your only one?"

"Yes, yes, the only one," she screamed as an orgasm overtook her. "Oh, god, Spike…I'm yours."

"No one else's," Spike said, grinding against her clit to prolong her pleasure. "Mine…," he growled as his own orgasm hit. He collapsed on top of the woman who he hoped would make his dreams come true.

* * *

Sometimes things just didn't go the way you planned it. No matter how much you thought your persona would do the deed alone. Xander shook his head as he recalled Spike's defiant little wife standing up to him. It had taken a bit of acting on his part to ensure that Spike thought nothing of what had happened between him and Buffy. Xander was confident, though, that by the time he'd left Sanctuary, Spike was thinking that his intentions were only to protect his friend.

The bursting of his fantasy that he would be able to drive Buffy away easily had brought him to the one place he usually tried to avoid, his wife's bedroom. Oh, he and Cordelia were great friends, two of a kind, and the sex was amazing, but yet, it was too much commitment to sleep in the same bed. Their relationship was one of perpetual dating. They both agreed it was more fun that way, plus when one of them found a lover outside the relationship, it wasn't quite as messy.

"I can't believe he just married this little twit after only two days," Xander groused, before taking a long sip of his imported beer. He watched as Cordy moved around her room, disrobing until she was down to only a pair of red lace boy shorts. "She's so…mousy."

"Mousy? Or just not your type?" Cordelia asked, strolling into her bathroom. She proceeded to brush out her chestnut hair that grew almost down to her ass. "Because William is a very beautiful man and I can't see him choosing someone ugly to spend his life with."

"Okay, okay, she's pretty…or even beautiful, but she's naïve and has no clue of how to dress or act."

"Sounds like someone I once knew," Cordelia replied, flashing him one of her patent smiles. She sat on her small stool and reached for her body lotion to smooth on her legs. "Maybe in time she'll learn," she further commented with a shrug.

"It's ridiculous," Xander muttered, putting his beer down on the nightstand. "She'll play him, embarrass him, and then he'll have to pay out the damn nose to get rid of her."

Cordelia laughed lightly. "Oh, come on, you're just jealous. You just want all of William's attention. After Drusilla was murdered, you stepped in and finally got to play the hero to him for a change. You don't want to lose your spot in his life."

"Whatever," Xander said, scrunching down in the bed. Maybe a good rousing fuck with his wife would help to elevate his mood. He wasn't sure though. He sighed because he knew she was right. With Buffy around, it meant less time that the two of them would have to hang out. "The little bitch didn't even back down to my threats."

"My darling," Cordelia purred, coming to the bed to sit beside him. "If you come off as confrontational you'll make him choose between the two of you. And at this point in their relationship you'll lose."

"So, what do I do?"

His wife would know how to handle this. She'd been the one to take a goofball that had always been outside of society's circles and make him into the man he was today. She knew almost all of his secrets as he did hers. It kept the playing field even between them and a little bit more dangerous. Their reputations and status in Hollywood was everything to them so there was no chance either of them would blow it by being petty.

"Become her friend," Cordelia said, pushing back the lock of hair that always hung on his forehead. "Be there to help her adjust to this new life, be supportive when she needs to talk, and direct her when she needs advice." She smiled with the warmth of a snake as she let her fingers drift down his cheek. "There will be rifts between them that you won't have to create. Too much difference between them for it to be easy for her to adjust and Will doesn't have the patience to teach her especially if he gets caught up in one of his books."

"I knew you would have the answer," Xander beamed at his wife. "Poor little wretch won't have a clue of how to deal." He rubbed his hands together. "I'm sure it won't take long until she is making a complete fool out of herself and Spike will be so embarrassed."

"Plus, the fact that the more she knows Spike the rockier their relationship will be," Cordelia added cattily. "Especially in the bedroom."

"How would you know?"

"Don't be jealous," she reassured him with a pat to his hand. "Drusilla did like to talk about their sex lives. They both liked a little rough play to their foreplay."

"Well, I'm sure she's about as vanilla as they come," Xander commented with a smile. He wondered if they were wrong, and it was the girl's bedroom talents that had hooked his friend. He shook his head to dispel the thought of Buffy wearing leather and handcuffed to the wall. The thought may have left his mind but his cock responded to the mental image it had brought. "Maybe Spike wants a little sub for a change."

"Maybe," Cordelia whispered, cupping his erection. "I wonder how Giles handled the news. It had to be devastating to him, too."

"He doesn't know," Xander replied, slipping her hand under his shorts so she could stroke his length. "He'll have a fit that there is no pre-nup."

"Oh, shit, how could Spike be so stupid?" Cordelia rolled over onto her back, grabbed the phone from its cradle. She gestured for Xander to come to her while she dialed a number. "Now, while you have to be all supportive, I can be the bitch."

"And that's why I love you," Xander said, pulling her panties down her legs. He dropped them over the side of the bed before picking her leg up to leave a trail of kisses along her calf.

"Oh, hello, Giles," Cordelia said. "I was calling to see if you and Jenny would like to come to Los Angeles this weekend?"

Xander lapped at the back of her knee, before running his tongue along her inner thigh. She slid a little further down in the bed.

"Well, to celebrate William's nuptials, of course," she said, letting her fingers run through Xander's hair. "What do you mean you didn't know?"

Xander pushed her legs apart, kneeling in worship before her pussy. It, like her legs, were never allowed to exhibit anything but bare skin. It just wouldn't do for anything to be less than perfect on her body. He should know. The bills were astounding for her maintenance. He decided it was worth it though as he buried his tongue in her sweet honey.

"Oh, yes," she said with a slight hitch that gave Xander a sense of satisfaction. "William was married to some girl named Buffy today."

He latched onto her clit, while sliding his fingers deep inside of her.

"All right, I understand," Cordelia stuttered. "Well, give me a call back when you have everything figured out." She clicked off the phone, throwing it on the bed while arching against her husband's mouth. "Jesus Christ, Xander, fuck me with that tongue of yours…"

Maybe it was going to be a good night after all.

_to be continued…_


	10. Whispers of Lies

**Chapter 10 – The Whispers of Lies**

The phone wouldn't stop ringing no matter how much Spike tried to ignore it. Reluctantly, he reached over Buffy who was also fumbling to answer it, in order to grab it before she did. He kissed her cheek which made her smile even in sleep. She burrowed back under the covers while he answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"William, its Giles."

"What's so damn important it wouldn't wait 'til morning?" Spike asked, glancing at the clock. Technically it wasn't really that late since it was only ten o'clock. It had just been an extremely long day for him and his bride. He rubbed his eyes and flopped back on the pillow.

"I heard you were married today?"

"Fuck," Spike muttered. There wasn't going to be any easy way out of this conversation. Nor was it going to be over soon. He wondered how his agent had found out though. Had the gossip rags found out already? He sat up, threw back the covers back and headed downstairs. "Where did you get the happy news?" He asked when he reached the stairs and hopefully out of range of Buffy's hearing.

"So, it's true," Giles said, with a sigh. "Oh, dear…"

"Oh, come on, old man, its good news," Spike said, with a laugh. "I'm happy about it. She's beautiful, sweet, and she's given me more inspiration than I've had in a long time."

"How long have you known her?" Giles asked the trepidation heavy in his voice.

He sounded tired as if dealing with and worrying about Spike was causing him a lot of anxiety. It almost made Spike feel guilty because he knew Giles thought of him as a son. Maybe things could have been handled differently, but it couldn't be changed now. Not that Spike had wanted to wait. It was better to have Buffy already ensconced in his life and in his bed. That thought brought a happy twist to lips that her sweetness still lingered on.

"It's all your fault anyway," Spike said. "You're the one who insisted that I come to Sunnydale for our meeting."

"You're met her here? In the last few days?" Giles asked. "My lord man, do you know anything about her?"

"Relax," Spike said. "She's a sweetheart and I'm sure you're going to adore her. I do."

There was a hint of steel in his last two words; a warning to his agent and friend not to hurt the woman who was bringing joy into his heart. His moments of anger were his own battered emotions and had nothing to do with her. He knew that. She was an angel that would pull him into the light again. He believed it.

"I'm sure you're quite enamored with her," Giles reassured him. "But, honestly, how much do you know about this woman? I'm sorry to be so crass but I am your…"

"My pain in the butt," Spike said with a laugh. He'd been wandering the apartment, but a loud growl from his stomach had brought him into the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator to see what Xander had stocked it with. "Come on," he sighed. "I know you want to give me the warnings and you won't be happy until you do. So, get on with it."

"William, don't," Giles said with a bit of warning returned in his tone. "You need to listen to me. You've been very lonely and vulnerable since the death of Drusilla. You happen to meet some woman…"

"Her name is Buffy," Spike said. He slammed the mayonnaise jar down onto the counter next to the sandwich makings he'd already pulled out. "She's not just some woman."

"My apologies," Giles said. "You meet Buffy who is willing to marry you after two days. It just doesn't sound right to me."

The moment in the hotel room when he'd met Tara came back to him. A plot to snag an older, rich man was what he'd thought for a moment, too. Spike closed his eyes while gripping the edge of the counter. It couldn't be. He could feel how she felt when she made love to him even if they hadn't spoken the words. She was innocent and so was Tara. The two of them couldn't possibly have cooked up such a scheme.

"Did you at least get a prenuptial agreement before you married her?"

A sound from the living room made Spike open his eyes before he could answer Giles. He waited until Buffy came into view. She smiled and tightened the belt on his robe she was wearing.

"Are you there?" Giles asked.

"Yeah, I'm here," Spike replied, watching as his wife picked up a slice of cheese and slid it into her mouth. He wondered how long she'd been standing in the living room listening to his side of the conversation. "Hold on a minute," he said. "Let me go into the other room."

"I'm sorry," Buffy whispered, backing away. "I shouldn't have interrupted."

The frantic look on her face reassured him that she hadn't been listening, but had just come looking for him. He grabbed her hand to pull her against him. "It's okay, pet," Spike whispered, nuzzling her neck. The phone was pressed against his side so Giles couldn't hear. "Why don't you make us some sandwiches while I finish this up?"

"All right," Buffy agreed, giving him a quick kiss before he moved away.

She was humming some nonsensical tune and opening the bread before he made it out into the hallway. He lifted the phone back to his ear.

"I'm back," Spike said. "And, no, I didn't."

"Sometimes you're too much of an impulsive romantic," Giles said. "Do you think she would sign one now?"

"I wouldn't insult her like that," Spike said, closing the door to his office behind him. "She's not after my money. She didn't even know I had it until after we were married. Hell, Giles, she didn't even know who I was."

"Oh, bullshit," Giles replied with a hearty laugh. "You are one of the most famous authors of your genre and you expect me to believe she's never heard of you."

"Yes, I do," Spike insisted, plopping down in his thousand dollar leather executive chair. "She's been through a lot in the last year or so and I doubt that she's been that into reading for pleasure."

"Even if she didn't know before, she does now and if this doesn't work out then she can walk off with half of everything you have."

"She wouldn't," Spike said, staring at the empty place on his desk where a photo once sat of Dru and him at their wedding. Not once on that happy day had he ever thought that in only a few years she would be cheating on him or murdered along with her lover. If she'd lived for them to divorce it would have been an ugly affair. He put his head back against the soft leather. "Giles, I…"

"I know, son," Giles said, softly. "It's for the best. I'll speak to Lindsey and have him draw one up."

"Tell him to be generous to her," Spike whispered, hating that he was giving in, but hating even more that he had doubts about Buffy on their wedding day. He also knew that Lindsey McDonald was a cutthroat of a lawyer. He was vicious when it came to defending his clients. It was why he'd been chosen to represent Spike and his assets in the first place. There was no way there would be anything but a typical settlement for Buffy in any agreement he drew up. "She doesn't…didn't have a lot when I met her."

"I will," Giles said. "You have to protect yourself, William. You have a lot of people that count on you so don't feel guilty for this."

"Easy for you to say," Spike said, already knowing he'd made a mistake by giving in. "It's going to hurt her and I don't want to do that."

"If she loves you then she'll understand."

Loves him? Now, that was something he wasn't sure about at all. Had they known each other long enough to really fall in love? Was he living a fantasy? He needed to be with her again. Close enough to touch her, to breathe her in, and then the doubts would be gone. Spike quickly ended the conversation and headed to find Buffy. She was curled up on the couch watching a movie on the television.

"Miss me?" Spike asked, sitting next to her. He loved the fact that she immediately leaned back against him.

"Yes," Buffy answered, wrapping her hand around his. "Was that something to do with me?"

"Of course not, Luv, Giles found out about us getting married and called to see what was up," Spike reassured her. He reached over to grab one of the sandwiches that were piled on a plate on the table.

"How did he found out?"

"You know, I never did get an answer from him," Spike said, with a laugh. "Guess it doesn't really matter." He took a bite from the thick ham sandwich she'd made. It was the first thing she'd ever fixed for him. "This is good. Thank you."

"No problem," Buffy replied. "Are you sure everything is all right?"

"Yes, everything is fine," Spike insisted, but he avoided her eyes. She knew something was up, yet he couldn't tell her. It was their wedding night. Somehow he'd find a way to broach the subject with her later. He tugged playfully on a strand of her hair that was tickling his arm. She smiled at him, then reached for her soda before she settled next to him.

The subject was closed it seemed. She seemed content that everything between them was just fine. It was the first lie between them and it was his fault. Spike wished he had more courage, but it just wasn't there. Not tonight when he wanted the illusion that everything was perfect between them. Tomorrow was another day that they could deal with the more practical matters between them. He grabbed another sandwich and tried to get into the movie she was watching. He couldn't though as his guilt played havoc with him. Finally he looked down at her, determined to just open his mouth and tell her but she was fast asleep.

And he let it go for another time.

* * *

Buffy stretched, trying to drive the last bit of sleepiness from her still lethargic body. She blinked a few times, looked around for Spike then turned to the alarm clock when she saw he wasn't beside her. It took a few moments to realize that it really was past one in the afternoon. She never slept that late, at least not in the last few years when the last of her childhood had been left behind.

Embarrassed by what William must be thinking of her, she hurried into the bathroom. Thirty minutes was all it took for her to shower and dress. Buffy didn't take the time to apply any makeup or fuss with her hair. A pony tail would do until she knew what the plans for the day were, if there were any at all. She pulled on a pair of jeans and a simple pullover sweater that barely reached her waistband. With a quick look in the mirror to verify that the jeans made her ass look as good as she remembered, Buffy left the bedroom satisfied that they did.

There were two voices coming from the living room which made her stop. She listened for a moment. After the night before she didn't want to interrupt Spike in a personal conversation.

"Well, Giles didn't waste any time," Spike said.

"These things are fairly routine in nature," a strange male voice said. "It just took a few tweaks this morning and it's all ready to go."

"What are the terms?" Spike asked.

Buffy wasn't sure what they were talking about. She knew it had to be some type of contract so she remained where she was. William had lied to her the night before when he said Giles wasn't concerned about their marriage. The presence of this stranger in their home was proof enough of that.

"Pretty standard," the man said. "She leaves you or cheats on you; she gets nothing but a flat settlement. If you leave her or cheat on her, she gets a bit more of a settlement plus she gets to keep any gifts you've given her or anything she's acquired during the marriage."

How could he? It was clear they were discussing a pre-nuptial agreement, except they were already married. Was he really planning on the marriage failing before it had even began. Buffy covered her mouth with her hand as she choked back her outrage. The betrayal burned deep within her heart. Any thoughts of being logical left her as she stormed down the stairs.

"Buffy," Spike exclaimed, standing up. "I'd like you to meet my lawyer, Lindsey McDonald."

"I know it's your lawyer," Buffy said, snatching the papers from his hand. "And I know what this is." She waved it at him. "How could you? Not only did you lie to me last night, but now you bring him here with the papers already drawn up. Why couldn't you just talk to me about it? I never wanted your money."

"I can explain," Spike started, but she cut him off…

"If this is the way our marriage is going to be then fine," Buffy shouted. "I'll take these to my lawyer and get back to you and Mr. McDonald once we've decided our own terms."

It was a great bluff. Too bad it had no basis in fact, Buffy thought as she ran back up the stairs. Anywhere was fine as long it got her away from her husband and his lawyer. She sat on the edge of the bed weeping as she crumpled the agreement up. There was no way she could back out of this now. Somehow she had to find an attorney to represent her. It couldn't be too difficult to do. Not in Los Angeles anyway, but she didn't know anything about how to go about finding one.

There was only one person she could call to ask. It was almost too much as she picked up the phone and dialed a number that was committed to memory. After all it had been her phone number for the first sixteen years of her life.

"Hello, Daddy," Buffy said, when her father answered. "I need your help."

_to be continued…_


	11. The Aftermath

Chapter 11 – The Aftermath

Her mind still echoed with the sound of her father's laughter. Hank thought her impulsive marriage was another sign of the irresponsibility that gave her so much trouble when she was in high school. His advice upon hearing her dilemma was to stay in the marriage no matter how bad it got because it was probably the best deal she was going to get. He further added that if Spike left her, then she should sue for everything she could.

It wasn't what she wanted. She needed affirmation that she had a back up plan if her marriage fell apart. Something to tell her she wasn't as alone as she felt. After all shouldn't a girl's father run to her rescue? Be the kind of man that no boyfriend could ever live up to? Not Hank Summers. He didn't have time or desire to be there for her. She'd been a fool to ever think he would. She didn't understand it though. Why did he hate her so much? What had she done to make him turn his back on his eldest daughter?

It only added more confusion and pain to what Spike had done to her. Buffy buried her face in her pillow to muffle the sounds of her sobs. How could she have really thought that fairy tales were true? That Spike was going to make everything in her life better? The fact that she was truly alone was now firmly cemented by her father's reaction.

The only exception was the thought that she was married and she didn't want her marriage to end. Buffy really did want the happily ever after, or as close to it as she could get. She loved Spike and maybe one day he would come to love her, too. Their meeting must have been fate, mustn't it? What else could it be? Not wanting to face the possible reality of what she'd committed to, Buffy stayed curled up in the middle of the bed. The tears fell for awhile, but then slowly dried up. There was no sound anywhere in the apartment. Apparently this time he wasn't coming to look for her. There would be no passionate reunion to chase away her doubts.

Maybe he was waiting for her? The thought buoyed her sinking emotions enough for her to crawl out of bed again. She headed for the bathroom to wash the tear tracks from her cheeks. The cold water felt good on her skin, bringing a sense of sanity to her wayward thoughts. It was time to start acting like an adult and not a scared kid.

"Buffy, you watch too much _Lifetime_," she told her reflection as she fixed her ponytail. It wasn't like William thought of the pre-nuptial agreement on his own. She knew it was Giles that had talked him into it. There wasn't any reason for her to be so doomy and gloomy. With that thought, she ran downstairs determined to make up with her husband.

Except he wasn't around and neither was his lawyer. The silence permeated the downstairs making her wonder if she was alone. But she didn't really think that Spike would leave without telling her. At least she hoped not, so she started to make her way through the rooms to see if he was just being quiet somewhere. Then she noticed the closed door leading to his study. Of course, he would hide in his private domain. It was the one place that he would feel most secure.

Bolstering her courage, Buffy tapped gently on the door.

"William, may I come in?"

She waited a few seconds but there wasn't a reply. Sighing, she bit her lip, argued with herself for a moment, then tried the knob. It turned effortlessly, allowing her to peek into the room. Spike sat in a black leather Club chair that was tucked in a corner that she knew instantly it was where he sat and read. His head was down, staring at his hands. He didn't respond to her entrance as she padded across the thick white carpet.

"William…I'd like to talk to you," Buffy said, sitting by his feet on the ottoman. She placed her hand on his leg. "Please, look at me."

"I'm sorry, Buffy," Spike responded, looking up at her with tortured eyes. His cheeks were red where he'd obviously rubbed them. He reminded her of a little boy caught in mischief making and truly repentant of his misdeeds. "It never occurred to me to have one drawn up before we were married. Not like there was time anyway, but it's…"

"The sensible thing to do," Buffy finished, looking down. "I called my father to get the name of a lawyer to contact."

"You were that desperate, pet?" Spike asked, showing how much he already knew and understood her.

"Yeah," she said, nodding. "I should have known better."

"Didn't he want to help you?"

His tone made Buffy look up to study him. There was anger directed at her father in the solemn visage before her.

"Oh, he eventually gave me a name to call," Buffy said. "But only after he laughed at my decision to marry you and what he called my foolishness."

"That idiot," Spike muttered. "He has no clue what a precious woman you are."

"So precious that you're afraid I'll run off with everything you have," Buffy said, unable to stop the lingering feelings of anger and bitterness from coming out.

"I deserve that," Spike said, reaching over to grab her hand. His thumb caressed the soft flesh of her palm. "Don't you know that if I ever lost you that none of this would matter?" He paused, closed his eyes and swallowed before looking back at her. "I couldn't bear it."

"I'm not Drusilla."

"God, no," Spike protested, sitting up and scooting forward. "I don't think that at all. Never would I consider you anything like that bitch."

"A bitch?" Buffy asked, her amazement making her laugh as she stared at him incredulously. When he told her the story of his deceased wife, she'd seen pain, confusion and even disillusionment in the man before her. But not an inkling to the hatred that he presented now. How could she have missed it? It changed how she viewed William even if she didn't want it to. What else hadn't he told her? Or what had she blinded herself to in her determination to believe in him?

"She cheated on me," Spike said, anger flashing in his blue eyes. "She controlled our lives and tried to control me with her games." He pointed at his chest. "I'm the one who signed the prenup with her because her family's assets couldn't be touched with the likes of me. I wasn't worthy of their princess no matter how much I worshipped her." He slumped back, covering his face with his hand.

There wasn't anything she could say. It didn't sound like he was over Drusilla at all. Buffy withdrew into herself, crossing her arms over her chest, while she physically pulled away from her husband. If the ground would open up and swallow her, Buffy would welcome it in that moment. Maybe her father was right about Spike wanting a sweet, young piece of ass that wouldn't give him any trouble. A doll for her husband to use when it pleased him, then discarded when he grew tired of her or when he found someone else prettier.

"Do you want me to sign the prenuptial?" Buffy asked.

"No, I don't," Spike said. "Didn't you hear me? I don't want to imagine a future without you in it."

"You said you couldn't bear it," Buffy said, turning to look at him. "I thought it was because of her."

Spike laughed. He pulled her onto his lap, cuddling her close against him. "I don't want to lose you. You make my life so much happier with you in it. She's gone and I want it left that way. You're my wife now, not her, okay?"

"Yes, William," Buffy exhaled, snuggling down into the security of his arms. There were still questions and doubts lingering, but she didn't want to care or take the time to examine them. It was better to just accept his words and thus insure her own happiness. In the last year there had been too many times when she had to make decisions she wasn't ready for, or search for the truth among the carefully chosen words of hope from her mothers and the doctors. They'd all been wrong anyway. The surgery to remove the brain tumor hadn't worked because her mother was dead. The haven they'd found destroyed in that single moment when she came home to find the body.

"So, we agree on no prenuptial agreement?" Spike said, tightening his hold on her.

"Yep, we're going to be together forever," Buffy said, smiling up at him. "No clouds on our horizon."

"Can't be when you're my light," Spike whispered, brushing his fingertips along her jaw. "Want to go shopping this afternoon?"

"For what?"

Spike brought her hand to his lips so that he could kiss each tip before sucking the index finger into her mouth. She felt it deep within her womb. It was an electrical pull that brought moisture to her panties. Never would she have thought that a mere touch like this could make her ache in need.

"I want the world to know where I stand in regards to you," Spike said, dragging his tongue along the vein on the inside of her wrist. He nipped the delicate skin of her upper arm before making eye contact again. "I want to buy you a diamond ring and a wedding bad."

"You don't have to," Buffy protested, but everything inside her screamed yes. She wanted a sign of his possession visible for everyone to see. There would be no doubts of their union if she wore his ring.

"Oh, come on," Spike said, with a laugh. "You know you want a big old diamond on your finger."

She couldn't help but giggle at the amusement on his face. "Well, yeah, I do but I don't want you to feel obligated."

"Shit, woman, I am obligated. Isn't that part of the marriage deal?"

"Oh, and what do you get out of this marriage deal?" Buffy said letting her fingers play with the short curls on the nape of his neck.

"You, barefoot and pregnant, taking care of my every need," Spike said.

"Haha, am I to be your slave then?"

"Yep, just like I'm yours," Spike said. "It's a mutual thing."

"Okay, then," Buffy said, kissing his cheek. He was reassuring her in a way that made her earlier doubts seem silly. They were both committed to this relationship no matter who didn't like it. Soon a symbol of Spike's devotion would grace her hand. And maybe if she took whatever cash she had left she could buy one for him. "I want to buy you a ring, too."

"We'll get a matching set," Spike said. "I want everyone to know that I belong to you, too."

"Something simple then," Buffy said. "I don't need anything fancy."

"Hmmph," Spike said. "I don't want everyone to have to use a magnifying glass to see your diamond."

"It's just that," Buffy whispered. "Well, I don't have a lot of money to spend."

"Pet, I wouldn't say that," Spike said, with a grin. "If we're a team then everything I have is yours. So, as of now you have a lot of money and don't protest," he said, rubbing his nose against hers. "It's ours and that's the way I want it."

Buffy still felt that she should buy his wedding band, but knew that it wasn't worth the time to argue. She would lose the argument in the end. The only thing she could do was give in. Besides it was making him happy to plan this shopping trip.

"All right," she said, throwing one hand up in the air. "I give in. Where are going to look?"

"Well, I think Tiffany is the only place that is suitable to acquire your ring," Spike said, grinning as her face lit up at the name of the famous jewelry store. "I mean if you want to go to some dime store place…"

"No, no," Buffy said, hugging him close. "That's fine. Let me go and get some make up on and some shoes." She jumped off his lap, heading for the door. "I won't be long, I promise."

His laughter echoed behind her. Never in her life had she ever thought that she would get to see the inside of a Tiffany's much less wear one of their rings. Maybe life was a fairy tale after all, she thought as she raced up the stairs. Or maybe it was just that William was her Prince Charming after all. Whatever it was she was going to enjoy it. She'd be a fool not to, wouldn't she?

_to be continued…_


	12. Illusions

Chapter 12 – Illusions

Buffy smoothed down the skirt of her simple, black shift dress in hopes that somehow it would become more than it was. Her mother bought it for her a few years ago off a sale rack saying that it was the kind of dress that could go anywhere. Maybe in Sunnydale, but here in Los Angeles, it was sadly lacking both in style and quality. She stared down at her bargain black shoes waiting for her William to return to her. Beside him she could believe his words that made her more than she ever hoped to be in her life.

"Ready, pet?" Spike asked, returning to her side after retrieving his ticket from the valet.

"Guess so," she said, wishing the perfection of the last of the few days alone with her husband could have last forever. She looked up at the entrance of the small unadorned restaurant that was really a haven for the rich and famous to dine unnoticed. It took a powerful name to get a reservation at _Daniel's_ and quite a bit of money to pay for it. A long conversation with her star struck sister had given her all the details that William had brushed aside. He insisted it was just a quiet restaurant where they could have dinner with friends.

Not according to Dawn who filled her in with enough gossip about his friends to make her belly flip flop at the thought of even meeting them much less ever call them friends. It was only the reality of the private room at Tiffany's to select her ring, and the confirmation of this dinner that made her realize she was in way over head at being Mrs. William Nagle. A role she wasn't ready to take on yet.

"It'll be fine," Spike whispered, nuzzling her ear while his slipped around her waist. "They'll love you just like I do."

"You've been blinded by my light," Buffy quipped, stepping in front of him as he held the door open for her. She softened her self-criticism with a smile. It was one thing she learned in the past week was that he hated all signs of her doubts about herself. He insisted she was his light and perfect because of it. It made her wonder what would happen when the bloom wore off and he realized that she was just a girl after all.

The maitre'd greeted William with an enthusiastic friendliness that let Buffy know her husband was a regular guest at this establishment.

"Louis, this is my wife, Buffy," Spike said with obvious pride in his voice. It warmed her as she stepped forward to greet the man. She didn't offer her hand, unsure of whether she should or not, but neither man seemed to feel it was a gaffe. She was just relieved when their small talk was over and they were led through the dining room.

It really was a beautiful place, she decided, taking in the worn brick walls, the high ceiling and the snowy white linen on every table. There were enough plants to make it a little cozier and the intimate lighting lent to the mysteriousness of the guests dining. She recognized a few faces, filing them away to tell Dawn about later. Her little sister had made her promise to give up all the details when it was over. For now it was just too dreamlike for her to accept.

"Hi, Buffy," Xander jumped when he saw them approach. He took her hand, pulling her closer. He kissed her cheek, before he turned to introduce her to everyone. "Everyone this is Buffy, and Buffy, this is my wife, Cordelia." The stunning brunette only nodded at her, but she smiled before turning to where Xander was indicating. "This is Mr. Giles, Spike's agent, and this is Jenny, his fiancée."

"Hello, everyone," Buffy said, reaching over the table to accept Giles hand then Jenny's. At least they seemed friendly enough, she thought as she took in their smiles. William directed her to a chair that was between Giles and himself. "It's nice to meet everyone," Buffy continued, trying to be sociable. "William has told me quite a bit about you."

"Hmm," Cordelia said, picking up her wine glass. "While you were quite the little surprise."

"Yes, she was," William defended her, slipping his hand into hers. "It was the best surprise I've ever gotten."

It was just the extra boost of confidence she needed. Buffy tilted her chin up as she returned the curious gazes of his friends. She wouldn't disappoint him.

By the time dessert arrived, Spike was already in love again. Buffy was using every inch of that backbone of hers that he admired so much in the beginning. She was trying so hard to act like she was comfortable in this shark pool he'd thrown her into. Thankfully, he was able to convince Xander to make reservations at this restaurant where the menu was easy to read and the atmosphere more laidback then some of the others they frequented. Save the fancy stuff until he had taken Buffy there alone on a date. Teach her the ropes before he let them get their claws into her.

He wasn't blind about his friends and associates. Xander and Cordelia played the prince and princess of Hollywood to perfection, while Giles could be cold and unyielding when it came to what he considered business. Unfortunately, he was Giles's most lucrative client so he would perceive Buffy as a threat until proven otherwise. Jenny was the only wild card in the bunch. She could be a loving mother hen or the steel wall behind her man. Her reception to his new wife would all depend on whether she would consider Buffy an asset or not to him.

Through the appetizers and main course it was pretty much just small talk among old friends. Catching up on each other's lives and sharing tales of their early days with the newcomer. But as the evening approached the end and dessert had been ordered, Spike could feel the tension rising around the table. He knew they were getting ready to pounce. Instinctively, he scooted closer to Buffy, who gave him that smile of hers that always made him want to take her to the closest bed.

"Giles, any word on my future?" Spike asked, hoping to direct the conversation toward something a little more neutral.

"Supposedly, their lawyer is busy preparing a lawsuit," Giles said, leaning back in his chair. He played with his nearly empty glass of scotch. "Frankly if it goes to court it could be hazardous to your career."

"Doubtful," Spike retorted. "The fans are what is important."

"And there is your bloody romanticism getting in the way of real life," Giles replied, tearing his glasses off and throwing them on the table. "Have you decided to go on a suicide mission lately and forget to inform those of us who give a damn?"

"Yeah, about your own money," Spike said, leaning on the table. "You haven't given a shit about me or my personal life before so why now? Because I finally found someone that makes me happy and you're afraid you'll lose your fucking gravy train?"

"William," Jenny said. "It's not that at all," she reached across the table to grasp his hand. "Rupert is worried about you, that's all. You have to admit that you've been making some pretty bold decisions in the last few months."

"I'm trying to get a life as he told me to do," Spike said, leaning back in his chair. He slipped an arm around Buffy before facing his friends. "I won't compromise my character or my heart. If you can't live with that then I guess we don't have anything else to say."

Despite his concerns that they would walk, Spike put his feelings on the table. These four were the ones who always stood beside him when things were tough. They'd cleaned him up, kept him out of the tabloids as much as possible, and seen him through the first days of suspicion. It was their airtight alibis that had cleared him of his wife's murder. No matter how hard the police had tried they couldn't find a trail from him to a hired gun. Their friendship was sealed in blood. All of them had secrets that could be costly if gotten out. Some knew more than others but they could destroy each other in the end.

Suddenly Giles let out a hearty laugh which let the others give a sigh of relief. He leaned forward on the table, taking Jenny's hand from his. "Well, mate, I was hoping that you would be digging in your heels, because I have a plan."

"Thank god," Xander said, shaking his head. "It was beginning to feel like the OK corral around here. How about a bottle of champagne while we discuss this?"

"Sounds good to me," Spike said with a grin. "I knew I could count on you guys."

"Till the end," Cordelia said, tossing that mane of hers. "So, what are we going to do to keep Spike's ass out of the courtroom?"

"Patience, baby," Xander purred, signaling the waiter over. "Let's all get a little bubbly into the mix to make it a little smoother."

The waiter appeared at tableside almost before he was called. The best bottle of champagne was ordered and passed around even to Buffy. No one questioned it. It was just the way things were. The first glass was tossed back quickly. A ritual they'd shared over the years. A way to loosen up and prepare to do what needed to be done.

Giles leaned forward, indicating it was time to get down to business. The others moved a little closer to hear a little better.

"There's going to be a party next weekend to honor David Rollins," Giles said casually. It wasn't though. Not David Rollins, one of the most respected names in the science fiction film industry. He'd taken several books, and turned them into major blockbusters. "I'm invited and can get you an invite as well. If we can get Mr. Rollins to express an interest in the Galaxy trilogy, I think it would put pressure on them to release your book as you wrote it."

"Giles," Spike scoffed. "So, we're going to walk into a party filled with press and accost the guest of honor like greenhorns? I'm not that desperate."

"If your books are good, then shouldn't he already know about them?" Buffy asked, quietly. She shrugged when she became the center of attention. "I mean…well," she bit her lip. "I've been doing some research on you and your books are even more popular than the last book he turned into a mega hit movie."

"Give the girl a gold star," Xander said, with a grin. "She's right, you know. Davie has got to already know about your shit. So, be confident when you meet him, make him realize that you're his next project and, voila, your problems are solved."

"Yeah, just like that," Spike said. It could happen. At least it was something he could do instead of sitting around waiting for his fate to be handed to him. It was time to take action of some kind. He leaned over toward Buffy. "You up for a party, love?"

"Me," she squeaked. Her eyes widened even as her jaw dropped. She shook her head vehemently. "I don't think I'd be much help to you."

"You're my lucky charm," Spike said. "I need you there."

"You'll be fine," Cordelia said. "Tell you what. I'll take you shopping this week to find the perfect dress. Maybe spend a day at the spa getting our hair and nails done. Pamper ourselves then you'll feel like you could go anywhere."

"Tact much, Cordy?" Spike asked. "Buffy doesn't need anything to make her anymore beautiful than she already is."

A slow blush covered her cheeks while she leaned against his hand. "Thank you, William, but Cordelia is right." She waved a delicate hand in front of her. "I do need something to wear if you want me to go with you. You've seen my clothes." She smiled. "And maybe a little pampering would help me feel a little less small town."

"Don't change too much," Spike whispered, letting his fingers trail across her skin. "You're perfect to me just the way you are."

"I agree," Jenny said, leaning forward. "Buffy is a natural beauty. Don't go heavy handed on the makeover."

Spike noticed the flash of malice in Cordelia's eyes at the other woman's words. She didn't tolerate competition in her company. Everyone always followed in Cordelia's path for the latest trends. All threats were quickly eliminated or taught to know their place. He would need to warn Buffy later not to take Cordelia seriously especially if she felt uncomfortable with the advice she was given. He really did love Buffy the way she was, all innocence, honesty and passion for him. He didn't want her to change at all.

_To be continued…_


	13. Suspicious Minds

**Chapter 13 – Suspicious Minds**

"I don't know, Cordelia," Buffy said, turning slightly so that she could see how she looked from the back of a Dolce & Gabbana dress. It was called a 'bra dress' and she wasn't feeling comfortable in the satin corset dress with a black bra peeking out from it. She preferred more classic, subtly sexy clothing and this was very overtly sexy. Tight around her waist, pushing her breasts up so that it looked like she had actual cleavage. She smoothed her hand down the skirt.

"I think you look good in it," Cordelia said, coming to stand behind her. She gathered Buffy's hair, twirling it into a bun on top of her head. "Look at yourself. You look hot. William will think so, too. He'll be showing you off all over town in this thing."

"Okay, but not for the party," Buffy said, sternly. She didn't care who the designer or how much it cost, she was not wearing _that _to try and impress William's business friends.

"All right," Cordelia said.

Buffy thought she saw a flash of disappointment in the brunette's eyes. It couldn't be though. Cordelia wouldn't do anything to try and ruin William's chances of getting his book published. It was why the woman had taken her shopping in the first place; to help Buffy fit into this world they took so casually. Now, if she could get past the prices that weren't even on the dresses they were looking at. It was only Cordelia's presence that had even gotten the sales people to look at her. She was beginning to feel like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, when Cordelia breezed past her in her designer clothes and took over.

Since then it had been a whirlwind of clothes, from casual to evening wear, that was making Buffy hope William was telling the truth when he said get whatever. The stack was eating her alive with guilt. Her little family back in Sunnydale lived for years on what those clothes were going to cost.

"Do you have anything that is a little more subdued for an evening party?" Buffy asked the salesgirl who was helping.

"Of course, miss." She nodded then disappeared to find something while Buffy slipped out of the dress she'd been trying on. Cordelia took it to add to the rack of clothes they were taking.

"We'll have to make a quick stop in the lingerie department before we leave," Cordelia said, sitting down and staring a little too much for Buffy's comfort at the underwear bought in the pack. "You really do have a nice body. You just need to dress it up a bit. I bet Spike is having fun teaching you all sorts of games."

"Games?" Buffy said, turning to look at the other woman in curiosity. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh, you are innocent," Cordelia said, with a chuckle. She looked down to inspect her perfect nails. "You know dress up, role playing games, and then his all time favorite bondage."

Buffy crossed her arms across her middle, staring now in confusion. William had been nothing but loving and passionate in bed. There was never a suggestion of him wanting these things Cordelia was talking about. With her lack of sexual experience she wasn't even sure he would even ask her to perform any of those games. She turned to look at herself in the mirror. What did she know? Maybe he did like them, and if he did, and if he ever brought it up, she would deal with it them. Right now, not only was it embarrassing for her to have their sex life discussed, she also felt it was a betrayal to William to talk about him behind his back.

"Miss, what do you think of this?" The sales clerk said, bustling back into the dressing room. "It's a Sue Wong."

"Oh, it's beautiful," Buffy murmured, reaching out to take the long ivory dress from the clerk. Made of chiffon with a drop waist it was decorated with beads and crystals before ending in rows of delicate petals. "Thank you."

"Now, it's not an original or anything," the clerk said. "But I think it's perfect for you."

"Which means you can't move it," Cordelia said, standing. "We need something unique. Can you handle that or do I need to speak with your manager."

"No," Buffy said, turning to the berated girl. "Would you zip me up, please?"

The dress was perfect; beautiful enough to be a wedding dress, but simple enough for the type of party that she would be attending with her husband. In the mirror stood a woman that Buffy hadn't known existed. It emphasized her curves without over embellishing them, and it made her feel feminine. This was the one she couldn't wait for William to see her in.

"See, miss," the clerk said, meeting her eyes in the mirror. "I knew you'd like it."

"No, I don't like it," Buffy said, with a smile. "I love it. Don't you think so, Cordy?"

The brunette gave an offhanded shrug, but Buffy could tell she was impressed with the way she looked in the dress, too. It was decided. It was time Cinderella went to the ball.

* * *

It was the first time Buffy and he had been separated for more than an hour or so since the day they married. Spike was wavering between enjoying the time apart and missing her with an intensity that burned him. It was almost certain that there was something magical about Buffy that drew him to her. Never before in his life had his heart felt this light…this happy. It scared him sometimes.

"I wouldn't worry too much," Xander said, taking another sip of his beer. "Cordy is going to make sure your girl is all prettied up."

The comment pulled Spike from his daydream about his bride who he insisted he loved as she was. How could he not? She was sweetness personified with a beautiful face and a body that made his body feel as randy as he did as a teenager. What more could a man ask for? Yet, for some reason, Buffy felt that she wasn't enough.

"I like Buffy the way she is," Spike retorted. "I don't want some fake plastic Hollywood bimbo."

"You mean like my wife?" Xander replied, with a chuckle. He held up his hand as he shook his head. "I understand, buddy. Don't worry about it."

"God, mate, I'm sorry," Spike said anyway. "I meant more like Dru."

His first wife, a Hollywood princess, was raised to look, act, and be exactly that. Never given the time to discover who and what she would really want to be, she had become the most ruthless of females. Drusilla took what she wanted, when she wanted it, for as long as it amused her. Too bad, her husband had ended up boring her. Maybe if he hadn't Drusilla would still be alive.

"Dru was never fake," Xander said softly, looking away. "She was cold, heartless, ruthless and forever wanting attention, but never fake."

"She could put on quite an act to get what she wanted," Spike said. "She got you, didn't she?"

He didn't plan on saying it. Maybe it was because he finally felt free of Drusilla's power that gave him the courage to finally speak it aloud. The two friends had shared a lot over the years as they grew up and became men, including a few women when they were still experimenting with sex and love. Spike knew that it was Drusilla who had started the affair with Xander. His friend would never betray him that way. It was because she was insatiable in the bedroom. She needed her passion and Spike had almost destroyed himself trying to keep her satisfied. It was when he gave up that he stopped blinding himself to her straying.

"What are you talking about?" Xander asked, with a nervous laugh. "I never slept with Dru."

Spike smiled at his friend and shook his head. "Yes, mate, you did." He sighed. "Don't you think it's time we quit the secrets? I'm still your friend, aren't I?"

"I…shit, man; you just really know how to lay it on the line, don't you?"

"No, reason not to anymore," Spike said. "It's over with. She's dead. You and me are alive. Why hold a grudge?"

"Maybe because she was your wife and ?" Xander asked. He leaned back in the booth, draping his arm along the back. "I thought you fucking loved her…worshipped the ground she walked on. Drusilla was your savior from the nerd that you were fast becoming when she met you?"

"She was," Spike defended himself. He regretted bringing it up at all. It seemed Xander was blinded to the evil that his wife had been. He cocked his head to study his friend. "You're not in love with her, are you?"

"No," Xander said. He leaned back on the table. "Let's drop this whole thing. If you want a confession then yeah, I slept with your wife. Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again if I had to do it again? No, I would have come to you and told you what the princess was doing, but it was fun while it lasted."

Xander was lying to him. There was some terrible secret hiding behind those puppy dog brown eyes that were staring at him so intently. The guilt over what he'd done came rolling back over him, but no matter what he was feeling, it couldn't be undone now.

* * *

Buffy was humming. It made Spike smile as he hurried down the hallway toward her. She sounded happy, and that in turn made him happy. It seemed like forever since he acknowledged that he could feel that emotion again. These days he reveled in it. Pushing open the door, he stopped as he saw the shopping bags tumbled across the bed.

"Well, looks like you bought out the store," he commented, tilting his head to look at her. Immediately he felt bad when he saw the contrite expression that took away the tune she'd been singing under her breath.

"I'll take it back," Buffy said, dropping whatever was in her hand back into the bag she'd been taking it from. "I'm sorry. I got kind of carried away."

She looked like she was going to cry. He sighed. "It's okay, lamb. I told you to get whatever. Show me everything you bought, but first…," he moved around the bed and pulled her into the glow of the dresser lamp. "I want to see this makeover that Cordelia got for you."

Thankfully, her hair had only received a trim that took away the tangled ends that she often fussed about. Left with only the healthy grown, Buffy's locks flowed, the ends curling below her shoulders. Once it was only a shade of gold, now there were strands that shimmered with an almost silver glow. Spike tucked it behind her ear, letting his fingers drift down the silky lock.

"Do you like it?" Buffy asked.

"Yes, I like it," Spike replied, kissing the corner of her mouth. "You're brows are waxed," he added, his finger drifting between them down the arch of her nose to her lips. "You didn't, did you?" His eyes involuntarily moved to her lower extremities.

"Wax it?" Buffy asked, with a blush. "No," she answered, then after a small pause added. "Did you want me to?"

"No, no," Spike said, breathing a sigh of relief. He pulled her against him, breathing in the delicate scent that was pure Buffy. He laughed, before confessing. "I know a lot of men find it a turn on, but I don't."

"I'm glad I didn't then," Buffy said, with a giggle. "The eyebrows hurt enough. I couldn't imagine doing that to myself. Ouch."

"Of course then I could have kissed it and made it better," Spike teased, trying to keep Buffy from asking why he didn't like it. It would have been impossible to explain how Drusilla liked to pretend that she was a schoolgirl that he was seducing. A game that made his stomach turn every time they played. Never again would he be able to have sex with a woman with a completely bare pussy again without feeling like a pervert.

"Yeah, you could have," Buffy whispered. "But then again, you could just…," she didn't finish, but a delicious blush crept over her cheeks.

"Yes, I could, couldn't I?" Spike said, walking them over to the bed. "I take it you missed me today?"

"Very much so," she said, pulling him down on the bed on top of her. "I don't like being away from you."

"I missed you, too," Spike answered before kissing his wife. It was the perfect way to erase the past from his mind. The only thing that mattered was right there in his arms, loving him, and making him feel more than he ever had before.

_to be continued…_


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14 – Like an Angel**

Buffy took a deep breath before stepping out of the restroom. She knew she shouldn't have drunk champagne on an empty stomach. It was there though, and she was nervous, so she did. Thankfully, she was able to make a halfway graceful exit to the restroom before her stomach rebelled.

The party was still in the early stages. People were still arriving, making entrances just so everyone else would know they were there. Some of the guests, Buffy recognized, but most of them she didn't. The names were familiar, and Will was being good about letting her know who was who and why.

She searched the large reception hall for him. The room was too crowded for her to see past a few people. She was going to have to search for him. After a soft sigh, she took another deep breath for courage before diving into the mass of chattering people.

"Excuse me," Buffy said, trying to duck around a group of older men.

"Hello, lil' darlin'," one drawled, slipping his arm around her waist, and preventing her from moving on.

The man was giving her a once over that was making her nervous. He seemed to be able to feel her skin through the thin material of her dress. A chill ran down her back as he caressed her with roughened fingers. Buffy looked up and found that his eyes were focused on the valley between her breasts. She glanced around hoping to see someone she knew, but she was on her own. She wanted to scream at her not to touch her, but she decided to be polite for the moment since she didn't know who he was or what his intentions were toward her.

"Hello," Buffy said, not liking the fact that his hand that was slipping lower down her hip. She tried to step back. "I'm sorry I'm trying to find my husband."

"What's your name?" the man asked, pulling her back against him. "He's awful neglectful letting a little thing like you get lost."

"I had to use the restroom," Buffy replied, trying to stay calm. There were people all around her. Nothing was going to happen to her. "And we got separated. Now I need to join him," she added firmly, hoping he would listen.

"Oh, I'll help you find him in a minute. I'm Weston Blake," he said, like she should know who he was when in fact she had no clue. "Now, what's a pretty thing like you done so far?"

"Done?" Buffy asked, confused. "I don't understand."

"A little television, maybe some movies," Weston said. "I bet the camera just makes love to you."

"I'm sorry," Buffy repeated. Once again she stepped back. This time with a bit more force. "I haven't done anything, and I don't want to. My husband is here on business and I need to find him. If you'll excuse me."

"Who's your husband, sweetheart?" One of the other men asked. "I'm sure we can find him for you."

Buffy smiled at him in relief. He seemed much kinder then the one still touching her. "His name is William Nagle."

"Oh, right. The author," he said, with a nod. "Wait a minute. He's your husband?"

"Yes, we were only married a few weeks ago," Buffy said, playing with the top row of petals on her dress.

"Well, I can see why he married you," Weston replied. "I'm sure you're doing everything you can to distract him from his grieving," he added with a wink. "And I'm sure it's not hard for you to do with how pretty you are."

This had gone on long enough. Buffy raised her chin as she glared at the man in front of her. "I love Will very much and will do anything I can to support him," she declared.

"Ma'am, why don't we go find your husband?" The second man asked.

"Now hold on, Roger," Weston said, in a booming voice. The grin on his face was making butterflies dance in Buffy's stomach. She wanted away from him. "I heard your husband is looking for a little backing on his book from David Rollins." He trailed fingers down Buffy's arm. "Maybe you and I could make a little deal since I'm the one that's been helping with the financing of David's little ventures. A good word from me and…"

He left the thought unsaid, but his meaning was clear. Blood rushed to Buffy's face as she took in the implications of Weston's words. The butterflies decided to do battle as her stomach turned over. Was this how the game was played? She knew Will would kill the man in front of her for even suggesting it. But she also knew that by refusing Weston's offer she could ruin Will's chances of succeeding in their plan.

"Sir, I do apologize," Buffy said, deciding to act like she misunderstood Weston's intentions. "I really don't think I should be making any deals on my husband's behalf. If you would like we could go and find him so that you could talk directly to him." She batted her eyes for effect while she waited for a response.

"Oh, I don't think you're husband would mind," Weston said, moving so that he stood between Roger and Buffy. He was so close that she could smell the liquor on his breath. "Sweetheart, how do you think he got any kind of movie suggestions at all?" He played with a loose curl that had escaped the pins that once tried to hold her hair in place. "Drusilla was more than willing to help her husband out _anyway _she could. If you catch my meaning."

For a moment, Buffy stood frozen, staring at the repulsive snake in front of her. Then her hand covered her mouth as she realized that Drusilla hadn't just cheated once on Will. If Weston was right, Dru was probably never faithful to her husband. Buffy looked around the room at the men who decided who made it in Hollywood and who didn't and wondered how many Dru had slept with. Her next thought was of William, and his poor heart that still wasn't completely healed.

Never before in her life had Buffy hated anyone before, but Will's first wife was quickly becoming the first. No wonder he seemed so broken at times with so much loneliness filling those blue eyes. She felt an ache deep in her chest and all she wanted was to wrap her arms around her husband and give him all the love she had.

A cough broke through her misery. She blinked as she realized that Weston was not only still leering hopefully at her, but was also still waiting for a reply from her. Her first instinct was to tell him what a bastard he truly was, but she wouldn't…couldn't cause a scene.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not Drusilla," Buffy said softly but with all the strength of her love for William behind the words. "I believe in him enough to know that he can and will make it just fine without me."

Then she turned around so that she could leave the nightmare behind. She did believe in William. And she knew her words were true, but the magic about living in a fairy tale were gone. Ever since they'd come home, it had slowly been whittled away, and then tonight whatever was left was shattered. She was fool enough to believe that her marriage to Will would make all her problems go away. That he would take care of her like he had that first night on the beach. But they hadn't gone away. The problems were just different now.

"A bourbon and water, please," Buffy ordered, when she found herself in front of one of the bars set up around the room. It was what Will had requested earlier. She just hoped she could get it down, because she had no idea what it tasted like. All she wanted from it was to make it all to go away. There was no fear of getting sick again because she'd already forgotten her earlier prayers to the porcelain god.

"I hope that's for Will," a feminine voice said behind her.

Buffy whipped around to see Jenny standing there. "No, it's…," she started, but stopped when she realized her voice was quavering.

"Let's take a walk," Jenny said, with no chance for Buffy to refuse in her tone.

It was like being scolded by a teacher. She'd had enough, but the inquisitive looks from several people around her, reminded Buffy that she couldn't cause a scene. After taking the drink from the bartender, she followed Jenny over to a corner of the room.

"What's wrong?" Jenny asked.

Buffy blushed again as she thought of Weston and the little deal he offered her. She looked down. Her whole body shook as she tried to stop the tears from falling. She wanted William there to hold her.

"I can't do this," Buffy finally said.

"Do what? Act like an adult instead of a teenager on her first binge?"

"I'm not," Buffy snapped. She wiped the tears from her cheeks. "I'm trying. This guy puts the moves on me, telling me that he'll make sure Will gets the deal if I sleep with him. When I tell him no, he tells me that Drusilla did…and I don't understand these people. If you love someone, how could you do that to them?"

"Buffy, look at me," Jenny said. This time there was a little more kindness in her voice. It was enough for Buffy to listen to her. "Drusilla was a backstabbing whore who didn't deserve someone like Spike. He was so in love with her that we tried to…ignore what she was doing. For him. Because he couldn't see."

"No, he just finds out when his wife dies in bed with someone else."

"He knew before that," Jenny said. She sighed, looking beyond Buffy for a moment. "It's something that you need to hear from him. Right now he needs you to be the wife she never was. To help his career instead of making him the laughing stock of every man with power in this town."

"How?"

It was what she wanted. To be the wife that William needed and wanted. It was a small way that she could repay him for loving her so much. If anyone knew what he needed it was Jenny. And she trusted Jenny enough to follow her advice without question or second thoughts. Unlike Cordelia.

"Spike said that you were a cheerleader. Were you?"

"Yes," Buffy said, not following the connection.

"You need to use that bubbly, happy personality to get this crowd to follow your enthusiasm for Spike's books," Jenny explained. "Take the drink to Will. It was never yours. Only sip champagne, stay clearheaded, and be the adoring wife and make nice with the people he's talking to. Understand?"

Buffy nodded as she summoned up the classic smile she once wore when she cheered. She turned back to the crowd, then gave a small silent prayer before making her way through the throng of people. It didn't take her long to find Will talking to some men with their back to her. She came up beside him, slipping her free hand under his arm.

"Here you go, honey," Buffy breathed. "I brought you that drink you wanted. Sorry it took so long"

It was then that she realized who he was talking to. It was Weston. She froze for a second wondering what they were discussing. She looked back to her husband, but there was no trace of him being upset about anything. In fact, he looked excited about something.

"Thank you, Luv," William said, surprise filling his face as he accepted the drink she held out for him. He kissed her cheek before nodding at the man standing in front of them. "This is Weston Blake and Roger Landing. They're both with Crawford Financial and work with David Rollins on his movies."

There was awe in Will's voice and no matter how much she wanted to rat on the man for propositioning her, Buffy knew that Spike's future could very well depend on these men. She returned the smile onto her face and held out her hand.

"Hello, I'm Buffy," she said politely. "It's very nice to meet you both."

"Oh, god, I'm sorry," Spike said, with a nervous laugh. "Gentlemen, this is my bride, Buffy. Found her a few weeks ago and made her mine as soon as I could."

"I can see why," Roger said, taking Buffy's hand. "You're very lovely."

"Thank you," Buffy replied, deciding she really liked this man. He didn't seem to play the same game as his partner. Afraid of what she would see, she reluctantly turned to Weston as she held her hand out for him. But he surprised her.

"Ah, yes, I think my partner is right," Weston said. Admiration for her showed clearly in his eyes. He winked at her. "It's very easy to tell that you're a rare gem amongst all the false glitter that is Hollywood." He kissed the back of her hand before dropping it. He turned to Will. "You're a very lucky man."

"Thank you," Will said, smiling down at Buffy. "I am very blessed to have found her."

"It's me who is lucky," Buffy returned, with honesty, "To have found such a wonderful man," she turned to Weston and Roger. "Not only is he sweet to me, but he has such a brilliant, creative mind, too."

The three men chuckled in response.

"Yes, he does," Roger said. "I can't say that I've ever read your books, but my son is addicted to them. He even belongs to an online community that is made up of fans of yours."

"Really?" Weston asked, studying William with an appreciation that wasn't there before. "You have a large following?"

"Science fiction fans are very faithful," Will said. "They're also creative and intelligent in their own right. I'm very honored to have fans that want to not only discuss the universe I made, but to also expand on it." He turned to Roger. "If you'd like, I can send over some autographed copies of my books for your son."

"Yes, yes, please do," Roger said, with a laugh. "My son would love it and I could use the brownie points. Get very few these days with a sixteen-year-old. His name is Roger, too. Junior, of course, which he hates."

Buffy leaned closer to her husband while she listened to the men talk. This was a side that she hadn't seen yet of the world that her husband lived in. They'd never discussed his fans before and she made a mental note to see if she could find the online community dedicated to his work. It would be interesting to see what his readers thought of the man she lived with.

"Have you met David yet?" Roger asked, breaking Buffy from her reverie.

William tensed beside her, letting her know how nervous he was about meeting the man who could make or break his career. She squeezed his hand to reassure him that she would be with him no matter what happened.

"No, not yet," Will said, entwining his fingers with hers. "But I would love to."

There was adrenaline rushing through his body that was making Will almost vibrate with excitement. Buffy could feel his emotions as they worked through his system. From the slight dance he was doing to the sweatiness of his palm nestled against hers. She wanted to tell him that everything would be all right. If these men didn't see the genius in Will then they were fools who would lose in the end.

"Well, let's go," Weston said, turning to lead them though the crowd.

Roger followed behind him then Buffy and Will fell in step behind him. Maybe there was some fairy tale left in this town. At least Buffy hoped so, for her husband. The night was still young, and there was still room for anything happening.

"I love you, Will," she whispered. "And everything is going to be all right."

"Only because you're beside me," he whispered back. "You're my good luck charm, you know?"

And she did.

_to__ be continued…_

**Author's Note: **I apologize for not updating this sooner, but I wasn't going to post on this site anymore. Since there are people waiting, I'll continue. So, there will be a few chapters on this really quick. Thanks if you've been hanging on.


	15. Reality Breaks

**Chapter 15 – Reality Breaks**

"Ready to go, pet?" Will asked, coming up behind her as he returned from the bathroom. His arms slipped around her, wrapping her up tight as he bit her gently on her neck. "Want you so much," he whispered.

"Want you, too," she responded, pressing back against him. "Yeah, let's get out of here."

He slipped his arm around her and propelled them toward the door. There were a few stops along the way as William made his good-byes to the appropriate people. Buffy stayed in the background watching her husband flying from the adulation he was receiving. Always one for being still as he concentrated on his work, he was out of character as he fairly bounced in his shoes this evening. She dismissed it as the excitement from a meeting being set for the next week to discuss turning his book into a movie, plus the drinks he consumed like water. It seemed that things were turning around for him, and she was happy for him. So, she didn't complain about his change in behavior. Instead she tried to respond to his enthusiasm as he led her from the building.

Their car was waiting for them at the curb and the driver had barely closed the limousine door behind them, before Buffy was being pulled across William's lap. She giggled when he lay her down on the seat and began peppering wet, noisy kisses against her neck.

"I knew you could do it," Buffy whispered.

"You did it," Will whispered.

He turned his attention to her mouth, kissing her deeply, his tongue wrapping around hers, tasting of mouthwash. She appreciated his thoughtfulness of not wanting her to taste the alcohol and cigarettes on his breath. Wanting to give back to him, she chased his tongue into his mouth. He moaned, pressing closer to her, as he let her explore his mouth.

The pull between them was so powerful that she felt the excitement dart through her stomach and pool at her center. She whimpered against his mouth, holding onto him, while the world revolved around her. This time there was nothing romantic about his touch, only a hunger that left her feeling devoured by the intensity. It was only when she felt him tugging her dress up that she grabbed his wrist.

"No, not here," Buffy panted. She glanced over at the closed window between them and the driver. "We're almost home anyway."

"Need you, kitten," Spike mumbled, turning his attention to her cleavage. He nipped at the soft mounds then licked them to soothe the burn. "Let me make love to you."

Buffy threw her head back, her fingers sliding through his hair while she considered letting him have his way with her. She wanted him just as much as he did her. Somewhere still inside of her was the girl who only a month ago was feeling so lost and alone. Unsure of who she was and her place in the world until the man in her arms came and gave her a role to play in life as his wife. That girl froze when his mouth closed over her nipple, sucking while his hand returned to her bottom. He rubbed his erection against her hip.

Rubbing her legs together, she groaned, as she tried to get him to stop again. Torn between giving in to him and her own modesty, she wanted to weep from the turmoil. It was only the car stopping outside their building that made them pull apart. Spike uttered a curse as he sat up, and tried to pull himself together.

"Here, Luv," Spike said, kissing her cheek, and then draping his jacket her shoulders.

"Thanks," Buffy said, feeling her face flush under the embarrassment running rampant through her. She refused to look at the driver as he helped her from the car, or even at her husband as he escorted her into the building and then into the elevator. She slipped into the back of the car, hanging onto the lapels of the jacket to keep it closed around her.

"We're married," Spike growled, drawing her against him so that her face was buried against his shoulder. "No one is going to label you as easy for making out with your man in public." He pulled her hands apart, pinning them on the wall behind her. The jacket slipped unnoticed to the floor as she glanced up at him, but his eyes were half closed as he stared at her chest. "You belong to me," he whispered, nuzzling close against her throat. His hands moved to cup her bottom so he could press against her.

"I know," Buffy answered, wondering for the first time if she really knew the man she married, but it was soon all lost in the passion that he was building in her again. Closing her eyes she rolled her head to the side to give him better access to her neck where he seemed to be fixating his ministrations. Licking, nipping, and kissing. No doubt leaving marks that would linger for days, but it didn't matter to her. Not with the way he was making her feel.

Once the elevator doors opened, Spike quickly pulled her into their darkened front hallway and against the wall. His hands tugged at her dress, but she pushed him back.

"Don't rip it," Buffy pleaded, reaching down to pull it off before he ruined it. It was the first really formal dress she'd owned. That and what she paid for it was making it hard to discard like it was nothing.

"I'll buy you a hundred more," Spike said, pinning her again and brushing her hands away as he once again pulled on it.

"Please, William…"

"Shhh, won't tear the pretty frock. I promise," he whispered as he knelt before her. The care he showed in removing the dress from her made her even needier for him than before. He pulled it over her head then draped it over the small table beside them. "You're so beautiful," he said, staring up at her. "Leave the stockings and shoes on, pet, I want to play."

"Okay," Buffy mumbled, reaching behind her to undo the bra but he was there first. Turning her with his hands on her hips to face the wall, he undid the clasp first before letting it fall to the floor. He kissed her bottom, letting his face rub against the soft curve of it. He slipped his fingers into the waistband before pulling her panties down her legs.

"Step out," he commanded, still holding onto her legs while the white satin lay next to the brassiere he'd also removed. "God, the things I want to do to you," he said.

She tried to turn around, but his hands were holding onto her thighs. They would have ended up in a pile on the floor so she stayed where she was. She leaned her forehead against the wall while she waited for what he would do next. Without realizing it, her fingers kneaded the wall and her breath became rapid as he paid homage to her backside.

"Will," Buffy moaned, when his fingers slipped upward to stroke her. Sex wasn't supposed to be like this. Not this mind numbing need that was making all of her inhibitions vanish in a puddle around her. "Please, I need you."

"Not now," he begged, his tongue lapping as far into her as he could from where he was still kneeling behind her. "I want to taste your ecstasy."

Shuddering just from his request, she pushed her hips back. He chuckled, the vibration tickling her, and making her mewl from frustration. She wanted him to make love to her, hold her close with the gentleness she'd come to expect from him. Instead he was pushing her toward an edge she'd never experienced before. It scared her to want anyone this much, but his hands held onto her, touching her, driving her crazy before he pulled her over. She cried out his name.

"Oh, god, William…," she said, relaxing and letting him pull her onto the floor. She was putty in his hands; there was no way she could think as he placed her on her hands and knees.

"Not yet, lamb," Spike chuckled as he positioned himself behind her. "You're so hot, baby, burn me alive," he whispered as he took her.

Buffy whimpered, her body was overloading again.

"William, oh please," she cried.

"Jesus, Luv, do that again," Spike groaned. "No one like you in the world."

The world was spinning out of control and her hands slipped on the tile beneath her. Tears were running down her cheeks at the sensations rioting through out her body. It felt like an eruption was surfacing deep within her.

Resting her forehead against her arm, she tried to quit thinking, to lose herself in what he was doing to her…with her. He kept murmuring his love for her, his hands touching and caressing her

"Love you," Buffy said, realizing that somewhere inside of her, she must really trust him to allow him to take her to such a dark place. Before this night, she was either making love to someone, or someone was having sex with her, but never had she reached this fever pitch. To be burning alive with someone, both of them flying together, and in a way she never wanted to come down. Yet part of her was scared to death of this woman she was becoming under the expertise of Spike's hands.

"You ready, lamb?" the object of her torment whispered. His breath floating across her shoulder, until she felt like she was using it for the oxygen she needed to survive.

"Oh, yes, yes, William, yes," Buffy chanted, as she became lost to the power between them.

She let it take her over, forgetting everything else until he turned her over; petting her while she came down from the ultimate high of her life. Smiling, she looked up at him, and crashed hard.

The beauty of their joining became lost in the ugly truth; she finally noticed the dilation of his pupils and realized that her wanting to see only the best in him had blinded her to the truth of his actions.

"What are you on?" She bit out, pulling back from the man she loved.

"You, pet," he joked, with a laugh, and trying to roll on top of her again.

Not wanting to ruin anything, not wanting to lose him, Buffy allowed herself to be coaxed back into his arms. She wrapped her arms around him, and felt a little more of her innocence slip away.

_to be continued…_


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

The tile was cold beneath her back while his mouth was hot as he planted kisses along her side. Buffy lay there, trying to imagine she was with the man she'd fallen in love with, but it wasn't working. There was something about lying on the tile, that finally pushed Buffy over the edge.

It was an ugly scene, and she couldn't do it. Maybe Drusilla would have gone to these depths to please him, but she couldn't. It was making her stomach turn, and maybe he wouldn't love her anymore, or even as much as Dru, but she'd reached her limit on being agreeable for the night.

"Stop, Spike," Buffy demanded, forcing herself over with her hands. "I…I can't do this…Not like this." He was staring at her in astonishment from where he'd landed beside her. She didn't care at the moment. "I'm going upstairs to our bed."

"Pet, I'm sorry," he apologized, scrambling to his feet to help her up. He shook his head as he grabbed her hands. "I'm such an idiot. Kind of got carried away here," he pulled her against him, "you do that to me you know."

"I'm cold," Buffy replied, feeling a shiver run through her for effect. Hopefully, he wouldn't know it wasn't from the chill, but rather from his touch. Stepping out of his embrace, she turned to grab her dress and shoes before starting upstairs. "I think I'm going to take a shower before heading to bed."

By the third step he was beside her, clutched in his hands was her forgotten underwear. He didn't say anything just followed her to their room, and then gently removed her things from her grasp.

"Go ahead, luv, I'll put this stuff away."

She nodded even though she knew it would probably end up draped over a chair or even back on the floor. He was still antsy, even worse than before. He kept pinching his nose as he moved around the room. She could only hope that he didn't have a stash somewhere in the house. Not that he'd ever acted like this before. It was something she definitely would have noticed before. Forcing herself not to start an argument when he was under the influence, she grabbed a nightshirt before darting away to the bathroom.

For the first time in days she hesitated outside Drusilla's closet. Glancing behind her to make sure he wasn't looking, she tried the handle. It was still locked. It was time to accept that there was someone else in their marriage. Dru was here as surely as if she was still alive. The woman must be laughing at her darling Spike marrying such a foolish girl as Buffy. Except Buffy was still alive, unlike the ghost that was haunting her husband.

"I'll make him forget you ever existed," Buffy vowed. "He'll be the man I married, because I love him like you never could."

Feeling stronger than before, she hurried off to take a quick shower. Thanks to the combination of the hot water and her new determination, Buffy felt more in control by the time she was done. She quickly brushed her teeth and hair before returning to the bedroom. William was still awake, barely though, stretched out on top of the bed. He watched her as she crossed the room, but she stopped at the edge, waiting to find out what kind of mood he was in. She returned his gaze. Her eyes flicked across his nude body. From his face relaxed, but eyes wary down, down to his legs sprawled open. She sighed. For the first time since she'd met him she wasn't entranced by his beauty, but was almost repulsed by him.

"I'm only going to ask you this once more," Buffy said, sitting beside him with her legs curled under her. "What did you take tonight?"

"I did a line of coke," Spike said, half shrugging his shoulders. "It was kind of like a celebration thing, you know…everything went so well. Xander had some, he offered, I accepted. It wasn't a big deal."

"It is to me," Buffy responded, staring down at her tightly clasped hands in her lap. "You might consider me naïve, but I didn't think you were that kind of man."

Buffy flushed turning away when his laughter rang out. It was humiliating. Not so much even that he was laughing, but because she really didn't know what kind of man he was. Blindly, she'd followed her heart, and now she was here.

"Pet, I'm sorry," Will said, trying to choke back his laughter. He rolled over, grabbing her hands in his strong grip, and staring up at her with his most intense gaze. "I'm not that kind of man. I promise I've been a good boy for a really long time…"

"Since Dru?" She asked, one brow rising as she felt her walls slamming shut around her heart. "Tell me, please, who I really married…this beautiful, charming and gentle William that I first met or…are you Drusilla's husband that I keep hearing rumors about?"

"Bloody hell," Will snarled. He flopped back on the bed with his hands covering his face. He ran this fingers through his hair then turned back to meet her gaze. "I'm just a man. Don't play this shit with me." He pointed at her. "I can't be your fantasy…just like I couldn't be hers. So, if you don't like it then get the hell out of my life."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, leaning her forehead against his stomach. "I'm so confused…I love you so much, but I keep hearing all these horrible things about…and then tonight you were using. I don't know what to believe. Please don't be mad."

It took him awhile to respond. She waited listening to his breathing quiet down, feeling the twitching of his body still, until finally she felt his fingers twine in her hair. He wasn't angry anymore. Maybe a little sad though, so she caressed his arm with gentle strokes, hoping he'd feel the love in her touch.

"About Dru, huh?" He said, with a sigh while he moved restlessly beside her. "She was a bitch, Buffy, and in the beginning I was ready to follow her to the ends of the earth…, but it's all over now. Believe me it was past time. I was done with her. With the marriage, all of it, even love's bitch has his limits of what he'll take. She deserved what she got…"

Her eyes opened wide as she sat up to look at him. "Will, you don't mean that? No one deserves to die like that."

"Don't I?" Will replied, with a chuckle. He cupped her face. "Sorry, luv, it's hard when you hate someone as much as you love them. I don't want you to understand what happened. You're too good to be soiled by the ugly mess of my first marriage."

"But I am," Buffy whispered, scooting closer to him. "It's like she's still here with us, a living breathing memory that no one will let go. Everyone I talk to has to bring her up…telling me about how horrible she was to you, but yet you say you loved her and I don't understand." She waved her hand. "And you taking drugs aren't you afraid of what it could do to you. You're a brilliant writer. What happens…?"

He grabbed both of her hands. "Nothing is going to happen. Come here, pet," he pulled her until she was on top of him. "I won't use again…I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep," Buffy said. She reached out to smooth back his curls only to realize he was almost asleep. His lids were drooping against his cheeks. It amazed her that he'd stayed awake as long as he had. Curling closer to him, she whispered to him, "Go on to sleep. We can talk tomorrow."

"Love you, Buffy."

"Love you, too," she responded, with tears streaming down her cheeks.

The note she'd left scared him to death. All Buffy had written was 'I need time to think. Things are happening too fast and I need to catch up. I'll be back later. All my love, Buffy'. How long was she going to be gone? Was she coming back? Did she really still love him or had he killed it last night with his idiocy? And why wasn't she answering her cell phone. He'd dialed it a dozen times, but it kept going straight to voice mail.

Spike sat on the side of the bed, alternately staring at the note clutched in his hand and the picture of them taken on their wedding day. Her smile was so bright, so hopeful, and he'd destroyed it in only a few short days. Already, she wasn't the sweet child he married in a rush of hopeful passion. The innocence was being tarnished, and he had no one to blame but himself.

He grabbed the phone off the nightstand, quickly dialing a number he'd memorized years ago.

"Come on, come on," Spike muttered while the phone rang. "It's Sunday, so what the bloody hell are you doing?"

"Sleeping," Xander's sleepy voice came over the receiver. "What is going on?"

"Buffy's gone," Spike exclaimed, his hand running through his hair. "Left me some bloody note and just disappeared. I have no idea how long she's been gone or where she went to…nothing."

"Oh, come on," Xander responded, sounding a little more awake. "It's probably some sort of game she's playing. What did you do to piss her off?"

"The damn drugs you gave me last night. I should have known better than to do it."

"What? You supposed to become some goody two shoes to please this pretty little girl you married. That's bullshit."

"Watch it," Spike growled. "That's my wife you're talking about."

Spike stood to start pacing the floor of his bedroom. He hadn't done anything since he'd found the note. Panicked at the thought of losing her, he'd immediately called the only person he could think of who would help him through this. Now, Xander was acting like an idiot.

"Yeah, yeah, sorry, but you're trying to be someone you're not just to please her." He laughed. "Did you really think she'd never find out the truth of who you are?"

"Yeah, kind of," Spike said, throwing his head back and closing his eyes. "She's everything I ever wanted, Xan, I can't lose her. You know, it's because of her that I'm even getting a chance with David. Damn it. How could I have been so stupid?"

"She'll come back," Xander said. "Where is she going to go? She knows she's got it good, and she's probably just trying to punish you for not following her rules."

"Bullshit," Spike said, staring out the window. "I hurt her. She doesn't understand this life, and I was being selfish."

"No, you were being you," Xander replied. "We've always been able to party with the best of them. You just got spooked when everything was going down after Dru's death and the police were watching every move you made. It's time you started living again."

"Yeah, and look where that life led me," Spike said, closing his eyes in guilt. "Look at what I did…the things we've done. Maybe it's time for me to grab onto the best thing that's ever happened to me and never let her go."

"I can just see that happening," Xander laughed. "You becoming an angel? Now, that's a laugh. You've had a taste of the good life, and that little girl you married isn't going to be able to keep you satisfied for long."

"I think she can," Spike said, with determination. It was time to quit whining and find out where his wife went. "Look, I'll talk to you later. I need to find her."

There was a silence for a second before Xander said anything, then he surprised the hell out of Spike. "I'm on my way over. If she's what makes you happy, then I'll support it."

"Thanks mate," Spike whispered, clicking the phone off and tossing it on the bed.

The first thing to do was to find out if she took any clothes and suitcases with her. He strode to his closet, flinging it open to search for any sign she was going to be gone for awhile. All of her bags were there, and there didn't seem to be any clothes missing. Of course, he wasn't sure what she did own or didn't own. He'd never really paid attention. Frustrated, he returned to his room and snatched the phone off the bed. He dialed the number for the doorman downstairs.

"Yes, Mr. Nagle?"

"Hey, I'm looking for my wife. Have you seen her today?"

"Yes, of course. She came down about nine and requested that I get a taxi for her. Is there a problem?"

"No, no," Spike said, sitting on the edge of the bed. At least she was still willing to use his money to get around. Why hadn't he ever taken the time to get phone numbers for her family and friends? Tara. The girl back in Sunnydale. He'd gotten her number. Quickly dialing it, he was frustrated to find it was going to her voice mail also.

"Damn it," Spike yelled, throwing the phone against the wall. He didn't even care when it broke into little pieces. He needed his wife back.

Buffy didn't even notice the scenery as it rolled past the window. All she could see was the days that had gone by since her marriage to William. She loved him so much and was already regretting her flight from home. But she needed to think, to be herself again, and there was only one place for her to do that. Home. Sunnydale, where she'd grown up, and felt comfortable.

"Oh, Will, forgive me," Buffy whispered while one finger trailed against the window. He'd be so upset when he woke up and found her gone. But she was too much of a coward to leave him when he could talk her out of it. He would. She would cave in to him. It seemed like she had no will of her own where he was concerned.

The bus rolled into the depot with a jolt as it hit a pothole. It brought her back to the present. Buffy scanned the crowd, and then smiled when she spotted Tara at the curb. Suddenly everything seemed better. A little easier than when she'd left home. Tara was waiting with open arms, engulfing her in a tight hug that left her breathless.

"Come on, sweetie," Tara whispered, slipping an arm around her waist to lead her through the terminal. "Let's go somewhere where we can talk over a quart of ice cream."

"Sounds good to me," Buffy said, leaning on her friend.

It was good to be home.

_to be continued…_


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17 – Going Home**

_William flopped back on his bed, closing his eyes, and tried to lose himself in the music blaring from the stereo. Everyone was leaving for Spring Break. That is everyone but him. No one cared if he returned home or not. So, he was staying at Hyperion under the supervision of several old farts who thought that this school was the center of the universe. It sucked._

_There was a stack of books to read, movies to see with his generous allowance, and he could always get a head start on the schoolwork for the next term. Who was he kidding? He pummeled the pillow as he turned on his side, fighting back the tears that were seeking exit around his eyelids. Everything and everyone sucked. Even Xander. His best friend who was going on a week long cruise with his family. Bastard. Will was alone for an entire week with nothing to do. _

_Why should he expect it to be any different? An accident of his mother's menopausal cycle, not really wanted, but too ashamed to rid themselves of the baby. So, he was born to parents who couldn't care less, and so they let the nannies raise him, and then shipped him off to boarding school as soon as possible. In the end he was always alone. _

"Hey, Spike, you okay?" Xander said behind him.

"Yeah, fine," Spike answered, wiping at his cheeks before his friend could see. Once a ponce always a ponce it seemed. A hand settled on his shoulder. "Said I was fine, mate."

"Yeah, you always are."

"I was just thinking about…being back in school."

"What part?" Xander asked with a laugh. "There were a lot of parts."

"Spring Break."

It needed no other definition. In their minds there was only one Spring Break that really mattered. It was the week they became men. Instead of leaving his best friend behind, Xander had somehow missed the boat, and returned to spend the week with Spike.

Spike turned around with a half-smile on his face. Xander was grinning too. Then they both said the name at the same time, "Harmony." Then laughed. The ditzy blonde worked at the arcade they frequented, and due to extreme boredom the three had spent every free moment she had for days on end in bed. Together. She liked the action of having two men fucking her at the same time. They liked it because she was more than willing to teach them everything about sex. And drugs. It was the most hedonistic time of their lives. Everything in their lives after that week had been affected by it.

"What if I lose her?" Spike said, feeling his eyes fill again. It couldn't happen. It was unthinkable. If only he knew how to treat a lady instead of the women who knew how to play the game that he normally associated with.

"She'll come back," Xander said. "The girl ain't no fool. There's nothing out there that will compare to life with you."

"Don't Xan," Spike bit out, walking past his friend. "She didn't marry me for the money. In fact I think she hates it." He laughed. "Who would have thought?"

"Thought what?" Xander asked, following him into the kitchen. He perched on one of the stools around the island.

"Thought that I'd end up with a woman like Buffy."

"She's a girl," Xander corrected. "And personally, I can see the attraction, but, don't hate me for saying this; she doesn't exactly fit in…"

"I love her, Xander," Spike said. "Don't, okay? I know the pacts we've made, about what standards we'd live up to, but, god, Buffy, she's like sunshine when she's in my arms."

Xander sighed as he ran his fingers along the countertop. Spike ignored him as he pulled out a bottle of soda from the fridge. He knew Xander didn't care much for Buffy despite his words to the contrary. They'd known each other too long for them not to know what was really up with the other. But they were grown men now, not a couple of kids trying to get through life by leaning on each other. And by choosing women who would play just as they once did. There were too many things at stake. Careers and lives that could be lost if the truth was exposed. He bent his head as he put the bottle on the counter.

"Xan, don't take this the wrong way," Spike said. "I need…need to make things right. Buffy is good for me, kind of like a conscience that I don't have anymore. I can't keep fucking around and up. I don't want to lose what I've got."

"So, you're just suddenly going to become all goody two shoes? That's going to be a laugh," Xander said. "Do you really think you can give everything up?" He reached across the counter, engulfing Spike's hand with his own. "Too many good times, mate."

Spike squeezed the hand in his, and then turned away. He knew that Xander's feelings were mixed up about where they stood. Xander wanted to be him, wanted what he had, wanted him. It was all part of their relationship. It was why his friend had slept with Drusilla. They'd always shared what they had, women, drugs, secrets, and possessions. Why should they stop at the wives? A flash of Cordelia willing went through his mind, but he pushed it away as he tried to ignore the ache the image brought. He'd never been with Cordelia, but there had been opportunities when he could have. The whole bizarre situation was just one the two friends had never discussed until he'd married Buffy.

"Xander, I'm thirty-two and tired," Spike tried to explain. "To the whole world I'm this sophisticated author with a dirty secret because of his dead wife. I can't keep it up anymore. I just want to be loved, and to love Buffy. To come home to her, to be what she needs. Please try to understand."

"You saying you don't want to be friends anymore?"

"No, that's not it," Spike said. "You've always been there for me, and I'm never going to forget it. I just can't play that way anymore…the drugs and…you know."

"The sex? Is she that good in bed? Or so blinded with love that she'll let you do whatever you want to her? Has she let you handcuff her yet? Maybe you're starting off slow with a little spanking…?"

"You're pushing it," Spike snarled, interrupting Xander's tirade. "Buffy is a lady and I love her. I won't let you talk about her like that. At least for me, try to respect her."

"Okay, okay," Xander said, throwing his hands up in surrender. "I've always supported you. Don't think you're going to be able to pull it off, but hey, I won't tempt you anymore. No more offering."

"Thanks, mate," Spike said, relieved that he wasn't going to have to choose between his best friend and the woman who was changing his world. "I just hope she comes back."

"Why sit around and wait?" Xander asked, reaching for the soda and pouring it into a glass. "Where is she going to go? She doesn't really know anyone in town, and she ain't running to her Daddy again, so I'd say she went back to Sunnydale."

"Sometimes you just amaze me," Spike said, with a broad grin. "You're right. I'm going to take your advice and go find her. She's got to be with that bird, Tara. If I find her, I'll find Buffy."

* * *

The phone was ringing again. It seemed Will wasn't going to give up. Buffy chewed her lower lip while staring at the phone that just wouldn't shut up. Maybe she should answer it, try to reason with her husband, let him know that she needed time before coming back. Yet, a part of her wanted to tell him to come and get her. She wanted him.

Tara stood up, and unplugged the phone. "Until you're ready," she said, sitting on the couch next to Buffy again.

"Thank you," Buffy said, retreating into the corner again. The pillow clutched in her arms. "I'm so confused."

"You have reason to be," Tara responded. "The man you're with certainly doesn't seem like the man I met at the hotel. It's hard to imagine Will the way you describe him being now."

"He is," Buffy said. "It's not like he's got a split personality or something. He's just…," she covered her face with her hands. "He just scares me sometimes, but I know he'd never hurt me. Not deliberately."

"What about in the heat of the moment?"

"What do you mean?" Buffy asked, starting at her friend. It was already apparent what Tara meant. It was one of the reasons she'd run. Could her husband have killed his first wife in an emotional outburst? How much could one man take before he lost it? Drusilla would have tried the patience of a saint, from what she knew of her. But she wondered about the woman Will had fallen in love with. He wouldn't have fallen in love with her if there wasn't something special about her. It wasn't something she would ever find out from him though. Drusilla was a closed subject unless she wanted to start another argument.

"Buffy, I know you love him," Tara said, scooting closer to her. "From what you've told me though, I'm worried about you being there. He just seems so volatile. Are you going to spend your life trying not to anger him?"

"No, of course not," Buffy exclaimed, and then she quieted again. "Tara, I won't say it hasn't crossed my mind that he had something to do with Dru's death, but I trust that he's a good man. Yes, he has some faults, but I don't think violence is one of them. At least not for a woman he loves."

"He seems to be really possessive. Look, he won't even respect your need for some time alone."

"He's worried about me," Buffy defended him. "And he's afraid I'm not coming back."

"You're going to go back, aren't you?"

"Where else am I going to go?"

"Buffy, it's like he told you. You're rich now. You can do whatever you want to do, including leave him."

Buffy shook her head. No matter what happened between her and Will, she would never take his money. It was a matter of principal, and of her own personal ethics. She married him for love. She wouldn't divorce him for his money. She wouldn't divorce him at all. In only a matter of a few weeks, she'd changed. Her life wasn't in Sunnydale anymore. It was in Los Angeles with William. No matter how hard it got.

"No, I won't leave him," Buffy said, looking Tara in the eye with determination. "We'll find a way to make it work. He won't hurt me...not physically anyway. That much I know."

"I hope you're right."

"I am."

"So, you're going to find a way to co-exist with the ghost of his dead wife?"

"Don't say it like that," Buffy said. "He blames himself. It isn't that he did it in fact, but he thinks he failed her and drove her into other men's arms. The only way for him to be free is for him to know the truth about her and what happened."

"Buffy, what are you planning on doing?"

"Finding out as much about her as I can," Buffy said. The first thing would be getting into that closet. When she first came to the penthouse as Will's wife, she was too naïve to know the truth. A matter of only a few weeks had changed that. Not much would shock her at this point about Will and Dru's marriage. Maybe if he knew that he didn't have to hide his darkest secrets, he could be free to just love her. "I'm going to fight for him."

"You need to be careful," Tara warned. "She was murdered, and it was never proven as to who and why. You stumble onto the wrong information; you could end up in a lot of trouble."

"I'll be fine," Buffy said, with a smile. She crossed her heart with her index finger. "I promise. Now, let's go get some food before you take me to the bus station."

"Buffy…"

"Nope, just be supportive at this point," Buffy said. "Please, I need someone."

"Okay," Tara said, with a shrug. "I don't like it, and I hope you're right, but I know I can't talk you out of it. Please, remember I'm here if you need anything. Okay?"

It didn't take long for the two women to grab their purses and head outside. Buffy's heart thundered when she saw a familiar Porsche at the curb in front of Tara's apartment building. Will was leaning with his arms crossed on the hood. He stared at her as she came closer. It was like a magnetic pull to him that she couldn't refuse.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, stopping a few feet from him.

"Coming to get you," Will said. "I need you with me."

"And what if I don't want to be there?" Buffy asked, glad for Tara's support as the other girl stood beside her. She clasped her hand. It kind of scared her that he would find her despite her request for some time. But she wouldn't surrender to the fear, or to him. When she went back, it would be when she was ready. No matter how much she wanted to throw herself into his arms, and beg him to love her forever.

"I don't know what I'll do," Will said, blinking rapidly before looking down at his shoes. "I'm sorry, baby, for everything."

"And you'll never mistreat her again, right?" Tara asked, with a raised brow. "You're acting a little scary. Do you know that?"

Will shrugged, looking up at Buffy again. "I guess I am. I don't know. Am I scaring you?"

"A little," Buffy conceded. "I needed time, Will."

Pinching his nose, he stood back up. "I needed to know that you were all right. And yeah, I was hoping that you would be ready to come back with me. I'm even willing to get on my knees and beg, but I don't want you to be scared of me, ever, so I'll go."

It was the last thing she expected to hear. Relief flooded her body with a whoosh as he confirmed that all of her instincts were right. He was just a man, with faults, but he really loved her. Buffy grinned, then turned to Tara.

"Rain check on dinner?"

"Go honey," Tara replied, giving her a quick hug. "Good luck. Call me."

"Yes," Buffy said, before hurrying to the car before Will could drive away. She rapped on the window. "Let me in."

The door was flung open to reveal a smiling Will. She climbed in, and waved good-bye to Tara as she buckled her seatbelt. He didn't say a word, just drove off toward Los Angeles.

It was home now. That much Buffy knew. She reached over and took her husband's hand. Somehow she would eradicate Drusilla from their lives, and find a way to free Will from his prison of self-doubt. There was no reason to doubt that she would, because her life was depending on it, too.

_to be continued_…


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Buffy leaned forward to check the mascara she'd just applied in the bathroom mirror. It was fine, but from the corner of her eye, she spotted Will sneaking into her bathroom. He was grinning when he caught her watching him. She smiled at her husband through the reflection as Will crossed the last few feet between them. He wrapped his arms around her waist while kissing a path along her shoulder. She sighed as the first licks of desire fluttered through her belly. She leaned back against him, keeping her eyes opened so she could see everything he did to her. Being a voyeur on their own lovemaking was a new experience, but one that Buffy found to be very erotic.

"So soft…and warm," Will murmured in her ear. "I love you so much."

"You have to be in a meeting in less than an hour," Buffy whispered. She put her hands on top of his to try to still his movements, but yet she hoped that he wouldn't. Their relationship was back to the romantic bliss of their first few days together. Will was attentive and more than loving toward her. He worshipped her body every chance he could, leaving her sated to the point of being lethargic. All she wanted was to lounge in bed with her husband making love, talking, and falling in love all over again.

However, today was his big meeting with David, and the others to discuss the movie deal. It wasn't something he could miss because Buffy wanted to make love again.

"I want to stay," Will said, meeting her eyes in the mirror.

Buffy bit her lip. Her body was singing in response to his touches. He wasn't going to stop his ministrations. She didn't want him to.

"Will," Buffy said, clutching the edge of the counter, and dropping her head as her eyes fluttered close.

"Going to take care of you, kitten," Will whispered. He kissed the back of her neck. "Makes me feel so good to know that I can do this to you."

"I love you so much," Buffy moaned, pushing back. She was so close to the edge. . "Please, Will…"

He bit into her shoulder without breaking the skin. The sudden change of sensations pushed her over the edge. If he weren't continuing to hold onto her, she would have sworn she would have collapsed onto the floor.

"Better baby?"

"Yes," Buffy replied, managing to give a small smile. "You're going to be late."

"No, I won't," Will said, pushing her away with one hand on each hip. "I'm going to suffer until afterwards." He smiled at her surprised expression when she turned to look at him. "It'll be all right." He kissed the tip of her nose.

"But…but it's not fair," Buffy protested. Her hands went to the waistband of his slacks. "I promise it won't take long…"

"I want to suffer," Will explained, capturing her hands. He lifted them up against his naked chest. "For you. Now come on I need to finish dressing."

"Fine," Buffy replied, following as he headed to the bedroom. She plopped on the bed, leaning back against her hands as she watched him dress. "You're going to be late anyway."

"No, I won't," Will laughed. "I've got a Porsche."

"You'll get a ticket."

"No, I won't, Pet. I never have before," Will said, slipping on his shoes. He winked at her. "Now walk me to the door."

It was such a wifely thing to do. Buffy smiled, slipping on her robe on the way downstairs. Things were so perfect between them now, she wondered if she should go through with her plan. Guilt gnawed at her, but she ignored it. She had to know. She'd tried to talk to Will in the last few days about his drug habits and Drusilla. He'd been evasive. He wasn't leaving her any choice but to find the answers on her own. She'd been waiting for this day.

"Be a good boy," Buffy instructed, reaching up to straighten his tie even though it didn't need it. His clothes were perfect. No one would know what he'd done not even fifteen minutes ago to his wife. She smiled at the thought. "Listen to them and let Giles tell you if it's a good deal or not. I'll be waiting with chilled champagne for you."

"Mmmh, I'll be thinking about you," Will whispered against her lips. He kissed her then reached over to push the button for the elevator. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

"I know."

Buffy waited until he stepped into the elevator, blew him a kiss, and then turned toward the terrace. It was all timing. She needed to know that he was truly gone before she started her search. The sun was bright in the morning sky. It made her squint as she leaned over the wall to watch the street below. The day before when Will had made a quick run to the market for her she'd timed how long it took him to pull out of the garage. All part of her plan. Yet it was something else to make her feel guilty.

A glance at her watch told her that his car should be pulling out of the garage any moment. It did. Her footsteps back into their apartment were a little slower. There was at least three to four hours before Will would return. Once she opened the door there would be no going back. Buffy returned to their bedroom and headed for Will's jewelry case. There was a key in the back of the bottom drawer. She'd found it two days before when Spike was in the shower. It was cold in her hand.

"Just like your heart is becoming," Buffy said to herself. She shook her head with vehemence. "No, it's the only way. I love him, and want to stay with him. I have to know."

Without giving herself a chance to change her mind, she turned the key in the lock, and then pushed the door open. The heavy fragrance of perfume hit Buffy in the face making her wrinkle her nose. The scent clung to the clothes hanging in neat rows. She fumbled on the inside wall for the switch, flipping it and letting the light flood the closet. Her eyes widened as she took in the amount of clothes and items filling the small room. Her bedroom hadn't been this large at the house she'd shared with her mother and sister.

"Whoa," Buffy muttered, moving inside. Her hand ran over the clothes as she moved. The materials were soft against her skin, their colors dark, mostly reds and blacks. It was evident that Buffy was the total opposite of Drusilla. None of the clothes was pastels or bright colors. Stopping in the middle, she turned in a circle trying to decide where to start. Her eyes landed on a stack of framed pictures on top of the island cabinet in the middle. They drew Buffy to them. She wished they hadn't.

The top one was of Will and Drusilla on their wedding day. They looked so happy, so in love with each other, nothing like she thought they would look with each other. Her husband's first wife was a striking woman, and again nothing like Buffy. She wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

It was good because she knew Will hadn't married her to replace Drusilla, but then it could be a bad thing because he was still running from his heart. She sighed, putting the stack down before she glanced around the room again. There was a box in the corner. She knelt beside it. Items had been thrown into it without regard to neatness.

She sorted through it. Letters, she stacked them to one side to read later, receipts that she left in the box, and various knick-knacks that she suspected were once scattered over the house. There had to be something else though. These things weren't enough. Then it clicked. If it incriminated Drusilla, she wouldn't have left it in the open for Will to find. It had to be hidden somewhere. Buffy headed for the island. It was cliché, but it was because so many people followed that exact premise.

Stockings and socks filled the top drawer in neat rows. Buffy closed it, and then opened the one below it. She almost whistled, and she never whistled. Actually, she couldn't even do it, but she wanted to be able to as she stared at the array of panties stuffed into the drawer. All small scraps of lace and satin in a rainbow of hues. Apparently, Drusilla's somber appearance on the outside didn't carry over to the choice of her underwear.

Grimacing, Buffy stuck her hand into the middle of the jumbled panties, feeling around for anything hidden underneath. There was nothing. She wiped her hands on her pants before crouching down to open the bottom one. It was Drusilla's bras. This was the limit. The woman owned more clothes at one time then Buffy had in her entire life. She shook her head as she began to search through them.

Once again, she came up empty. So, Drusilla wasn't typical in her choice of hiding places either. Maybe Dru didn't keep mementos of her marriage, affairs, and life. Buffy was sure there was something though. As sentimental as Will was, there had to be souvenirs of their life together. She started to look upwards along the shelves, but she didn't see anything right away.

"Oh, come on," Buffy mumbled. "I know Will hasn't gone through this stuff, so show me all your naughty little games. You seemed to enjoy them too much not to want to have something to show for them."

She circled around the cabinet to peer at the open shelves on the other side. The purses were neatly stacked together. It hit her then. Somebody had gone through Drusilla's underwear. The room was neatly organized. Everything but her panties. Will? Xander? She had no clue, but it made her wonder if what she was looking for was already gone. She wouldn't stop looking though. If there was something to be found…she would.

Buffy carefully pulled the purses out, searched them then returned them to their original spot. They were all empty, cleaned out, until she reached the one on the bottom. In the zippered pocket of the main compartment was a business card for a lawyer in Santa Monica. No notes or anything else to indicate who he was or why Drusilla was carrying it. Buffy slipped the business card into the pocket of her robe for further investigation later.

Next, Buffy moved to the neat rows of shoeboxes stacked in one corner. She looked them over, noting their appearances and the designer names. Donald J. Pliner, Bruno Magli, and Kate Spade to name just a few of the ones Drusilla indulged in. It seemed the women liked to spend money on herself. It made Buffy wonder if Will's first wife ever shopped for him. His closet was pitifully bare compared to this one. It didn't matter to her that the man would be happy if he could exist in his black jeans and t-shirts, Buffy swore to go shopping so she could spoil her husband. It might be his money, but at least she would be thinking about him.

She reached for the first box to continue her search. Box after box was gone through, each one restacked in another neat pile. Buffy found it behind the last stack, buried in the corner, stuffed behind the bottom box. A journal, small with a red velvet cover, bent back from a lot of use. She trembled at the thought of what she might find written within its pages. Would she find the key to free William of his past? Or would she find out something she couldn't live with? Something that would make her leave her husband. She ran shaky fingers over it before opening it to a random page. The date at the top was almost six months before Drusilla died. She started to read the entry, and then wished she hadn't.

_To be continued…_


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

_My dear wicked boy left bruises on me today. Oh, not in anger, but sometimes the passion overtakes him and he can't help it. It was our most exciting lovemaking yet, and I don't think I've ever had so many orgasms. If only he was this exciting all the time. I don't think I would ever need to find anyone else to share my bed. _

_I really hate it when he speaks of love and eternity. Such poetry. I can't stand it. Not from him. I slapped him when he told me how much I meant to him. Silly of him to think that I would feel the same for him. Or even worse, that he thinks this will keep me away from other men. I must have my pleasures._

Unable to read anymore of Drusilla's treachery, Buffy flipped ahead a few more pages.

_Spike was such a bad boy today. He brought me presents, such pretty snow, and red wine to celebrate the completion of the final book. I could care less, but he was so happy for once. We fucked for hours until he passed out. He'll sleep for almost a day. Plenty of time for me to slip away without him ever knowing I'm gone. _

_I have a new lover. He has so much power, and he calls me his little girl. Yet he is easy to twine around my little finger. The gifts though are hard to hide from Spike. He is so suspicious these days. Always asking questions, and telling me not to go out. His anger is boring me. I don't care what he says. Daddy will take care of him when the time is right. Patience and I will have it all. _

Buffy let the book fall to her lap. Her stomach was tied in knots as her hatred for Drusilla grew. It wasn't right, but she wanted to shake the woman, and tell her what a fool she'd been. All William wanted was love, and she threw it away for power and sex. It seemed like such a waste to her. She knew what it was like not to have the love you so desperately wanted. Sighing, she turned the pages until there was a scrawled entry as if the writer was upset.

_I can't stand it, not anymore. How dare he think he has the right to tell me what to do or where to go? He should be on his knees thanking God that I even married him in the first place. He was nothing until he met me. I was the one who gave him the world, and now he acts as if I owe him. How ridiculous is that? Threatening me with divorce. I'll take everything he has, and he'll be back in the sewer again. Or even better, I won't let him go. I'll fight him every step of the way, and flaunt my lovers in front of him. Spike can go to hell, and I'll enjoy it every step of the way._

Tears filled Buffy's eyes at how hurt William must have been by his wife's actions. She was more than a fool. She'd been a heartless bitch. It made Buffy even more determined to find a way to exorcise Drusilla from Spike's heart.

"Hey, Buffy, you decent?" Xander's voice interrupted her thoughts.

Buffy's head snapped up as she turned toward the doorway as if Xander would be standing there. He wasn't. She scrambled to her feet before darting out into the hallway.

"I'm getting dressed, Xander," Buffy called out. "Give me a minute and I'll be down."

"Okay, going to raid the 'frig while I wait."

Sighing in relief that she hadn't been caught, Buffy retraced her steps to the closet. She quickly returned things to where they'd been except for the journal. After putting the key back in the jewelry box, she looked around the room for a place to put the diary. The room was too austere for any decent hiding spots. She grabbed her clothes and retreated to her bathroom. Hiding the journal in the drawer with her monthly supplies, she figured it was a place Spike would never look through, one peek should be enough to send him running.

After dressing in an old pair of jeans, a Juicy Couture pink eyelet cami and brown Frye cowboy boots, Buffy went down to join Xander. She was curious as to why he was there. They'd declared a truce after the disastrous night of Spike's cocaine usage. But she didn't think they were friendly enough for hanging out.

"Hi," Buffy said, going into the kitchen where Xander was sitting on one side of the island. He was munching on sliced cheese and salami. She sat in the chair next to him. "What brings you over? William is gone to the meeting with David and the others."

"Yeah, I know," Xander said, with his goofy friendly smile. "I thought maybe you and I could get to know each other a little more. We both care about William and it would make it easier on him if we were friends."

"What brought about this change of heart? Last time we spoke, you were still drawing lines. It was something to do with me being naïve, wasn't it?"

"Hey, hey, I was wrong," he said, lifting his hands in surrender. "Forgive a guy, okay? I had you pegged wrong. Thought you were just after Spike's money, and or his bod, but it seems you're a bit tougher than I thought."

Buffy shrugged. "So, now that you've decided we're going to be friends, how do you plan on achieving this?"

For a second, she saw anger cross Xander's face, but it was gone before she was even sure it was there. He seemed determined not to fight with her, no matter how much she opposed him.

"I was going to ask you to go to lunch," Xander replied, putting together some more meat and cheese. "Maybe show you around Los Angeles a little or take you somewhere you don't want Spike to know about."

It was bait. One she didn't need to take because she was going to try to be honest with her husband. She started to refuse Xander's offer, but then she had an idea. Something she'd thought of earlier, and here she was given the opportunity.

"You know there is somewhere you could take me," Buffy said, smiling. "I want to go shopping for William. He doesn't seem like anyone has spoiled him, and I want to be the one to do it. Will you take me?"

"No problem. I can take you to Cordelia's store, the finest men's clothes in the Hollywood area."

"Thanks," Buffy said. "I'll be right back."

All she needed was her purse, and a quick double check in the downstairs bathroom to make sure that everything was in place. It was. She hurried back to join her husband's friend who was returning the remainders of his snack to the refrigerator.

"That was quick," Xander commented, giving her a once over. "A woman who doesn't have to take an hour to get ready."

"I was already ready," Buffy replied, with a smile. She headed for the front hall with Xander behind her. "So, let's go. I have to be back before he is, and oh, would you mind buying some champagne so we have some tonight? I told him I would have a bottle chilling, but I think we drank the last one the other night."

"The corruption of a minor, I love it," Xander cackled, rubbing his hands together. "Oh, I made reservations at The Ivy for lunch. Hope you don't mind."

"Nope, never been there," Buffy said, stepping into the elevator. "Always ready to try something new."

It was quite the experience for a small town girl. Buffy was just starting to get comfortable living in William's world of celebrities and money, but sitting down to lunch surrounded by stars and having paparazzi watching everyone's move was heady. Xander amazed her with his ease at the whole scenario and his efforts to make sure she felt included. On the way to their patio table, he even introduced her to a few of the celebrities. People she'd only seen on television or magazines. Yet, he was so at ease that it made her feel the same way. But she was thankful their table was in the corner and out of the way of the crowd.

"Oh, thank goodness," Buffy muttered after they had sat down and she was perusing the menu. "Real food."

"You mean you don't like ordering stuff you have no idea of what it is because it's all in French," Xander said, leaning back in his chair. "Now, what kind of celebrity's wife are you? Get with it, chickie."

Casting an evil eye at Xander, Buffy said. "Will likes me just the way I am." She sniffed and playfully stuck her nose in the air. "Besides it gives him an excuse not to go to those places. He's happier with wings, beer, and pizza anyway."

"And champagne?"

"That's my drink." She put a finger over her lips. "But don't tell anyone. It's our secret."

"Hey, I'm not one to tell."

"I know," Buffy said, staring down at her clasped hands on her lap. She sighed, before looking back up at her companion. "You've been very loyal to Will. It's one of the reasons he appreciates your friendship so much."

It brought Xander back to the table. He leaned forward on his forearms. "Will's been very loyal to me, too. We've gone through a lot together since we met, and I would never betray him."

There was an intensity to Xander's comment that shook Buffy to the core. It was another of his warnings to her. Not that she needed it. She knew she could never break up their friendship, not without seriously damaging her marriage. Sometimes the two men were so close it was like they were one person…or a couple. Buffy tilted her head, studying Xander as she gave the thought serious consideration. She knew they were roommates for years, and were almost inseparable even when they were married. Just like they were now. Hardly a day went by that they didn't at least talk on the phone once.

"How close are you to my husband?" Buffy asked in a hushed tone, leaning forward herself. Forgotten was everything around them as she mirrored Xander's pose. "Tell me, please, what exactly are your feelings for him? And his for you?"

A shadow fell over the table as the server came to take their order. They both moved back, still tense and the conversation not over as they chose their lunch. Buffy taking a vegetable salad while Xander picked a seafood plate, and then asked for a cocktail to take the place of the bottled water they'd been drinking. Once they were alone again, Xander played with his fork while still leaning back in his chair.

"Spike and I are like brothers," Xander finally said without meeting her eyes. He rubbed his jaw. "We grew up together, did what we had to do to survive, and we've shared everything along the line, been there for each other, and kept each other's asses out of the fire. If you want me to say it, then I will." He looked up to meet Buffy's gaze. "Yeah, I love him. I'm not ashamed of it. He's been there for me when no one else has, and I'll be there for him no matter what happens. Does that answer your question?"

"Yeah," Buffy said, retreating. She recognized the fact that she'd pushed him as far as he would go, without the hostility returning between them. It was best if she kept him on friendly terms with her until she knew more. Maybe Xander wasn't the one to worry about anyway. She shook her head, and wished she could get back to the journal, and maybe figure this all out so they could get on with their lives. "I'm sorry, Xander, I just love him so much, and," she paused to give a shrug. "I'm like you; I just want him to be happy, you know?"

"I know, Buffster," Xander teased, with a wink. "So, let's declare the truce on the fact that we want to keep our boy happy."

"Deal," Buffy said, putting her hand out for Xander to shake. "Now, let's talk shopping."

Xander laughed. "Hey, still a guy here," he said. "I'm taking you to Cordy. She can tell you anything you want to know about clothes. She is the Fashion Princess of Rodeo Drive."

"She owns a store?" Buffy asked for clarification of a comment he'd made earlier along with this one. "Why didn't she take me there, instead of the other places?"

"Actually, it's her family's store and it's a men's store," Xander replied. "I think you'd be cute in guy's apparel, but it might cause a scandal."

This time they both laughed. They hurried through their meal, so they could head to Cordelia's shop. _Chase _was one of the few independently owned stores left on Rodeo Drive, established by Cordelia's grandfather; it had been passed down from one generation to the next. One day, she would be the sole proprietor of the establishment, trained since she was an infant for that exact purpose. For most, an appointment was required for shopping in the establishment, but as husband to the future of the store, Xander had no trouble by stepping that rule.

"Hello, Mr. Harris," an impeccably groomed woman greeted them when they entered. She turned her smile to Buffy. "Welcome to Chase. My name is Natalie, and I'll be helping you today."

"Thank you," Buffy said. She turned to Xander uncertain how to proceed; although she'd gained some insight, the day Cordelia had taken her shopping.

"She's shopping for her husband," Xander explained to the salesperson. "Casual stuff. He's not much into suits."

"Certainly," Natalie said, with a nod. "Please come this way. " She led them to a back section of the store where there were stacks of denim on various displays. "Did you have a particular designer in mind?"

"Uh, not really," Buffy said, her eyes widening as she looked around. "Xan, does he have a preference?"

"Hi, sweetheart," Cordelia said, stepping out from a door marked Employees Only. "I'll take over, Natalie. Thank you."

"Yes, ma'am," Natalie replied, before scurrying off.

Without being aware of it, Buffy stepped closer to Xander upon the appearance of his wife. The other woman was so coiffed that Buffy felt frumpy beside her. Plus, her attitude was giving Buffy the impression that Cordelia was better than she was. It made her uncomfortable.

"Hi baby," Xander said, accepting his wife's kiss. "Didn't mean to leave you out, but you weren't on the floor, so I thought you were busy." He gave an easy shrug. "We're shopping for Will."

"Of course," Cordelia said, finally acknowledging Buffy. "It's always a woman's right to mark her man with the clothes she prefers." She smiled, even if it was a bit thin as if she was forcing it. "I've done the same thing."

"Thanks, Cordy, I appreciate the help," Buffy responded, trying to smile herself. "He just never bothers to get himself anything, and I thought I'd help out." Self-conscience, she played with a pile of jeans beside her. "I'm just not sure what designers are what."

"That's not a problem," Cordelia chuckled. "Men don't care as long as they're comfortable. She took Buffy's hand. "Don't worry, sweetie, we'll find what you want to see him in and he won't mind wearing. I'm thinking Just Cavealli, or maybe True Religion, they're already broken in, which Spike will like. Let me grab a couple of each and we'll go from there."

It was almost three hours later by the time they'd finished shopping. Laden with bags filled with almost a dozen jeans, and twice as many t-shirts and shirts, they were heading back to Sanctuary. They'd also fit in a quick stop to pick up the champagne and some deli items for dinner. Xander was insisting he was staying since he'd gotten his favorites, and Buffy was telling him the celebration was for two when they stumbled off the elevator. Both were laughing as they made their way into the living room where they found Spike waiting for them.

"Hey, man," Xander exclaimed. "Your wife is a shopping machine."

Buffy dropped her bags and ran over to Will expecting him to embrace her, but he didn't. Instead, he stopped her with hands on her waist, and then put her behind him.

"Will, what's wrong?" Buffy asked, putting her hand on his arm, but he ignored her. He was directing all of his energy on his friend.

"I won't share Buffy with you," Spike practically snarled. "She's off limits. Do you understand?"

"Will, we went shopping," Buffy said, pulling on him when he took a step toward a stunned Xander. "For stuff for you. It wasn't a big deal."

She'd never witnessed this kind of tension between the two men before. It was a revelation that she didn't understand.

"Yeah, Spike," Xander replied, standing his ground, and clenching his hands at his sides. "It wasn't a big deal. I was trying to be friendly for your sake. Thought it was what you wanted."

"Giles called me," Spike said, shaking Buffy off and taking another step. "It seems there are already photos up for sale. Photos of the two of you, having lunch, shopping, and whatever the hell else you two were up to today."

"Will, how could you think I would be doing anything wrong?" Buffy asked, scurrying to stand between the men. She grabbed Spike's shoulders, shaking him to gain his attention. "I love you. Nothing happened. It's like Xander said, we were just trying to be friends."

"No one is Xander's friend," Will barked. He looked down at her. One hand wrapped in her hair, tilting her head back so the other hand could cup her face. "Did he tell you that he was fucking Drusilla behind my back? He was." His thumb caressed her cheek. "I swear if you ever cheat on me, I'll…"

"You'll what?" Buffy asked, trembling from the chills that were rioting through her body. "You'll kill me?"

"No, I'll kill _me_," Will whispered. "I can't live through that again."

_to be continued…_


	20. Making Plans

**Chapter 20 – Making Plans**

Why wouldn't they shut up? They were all yammering away, trying to decide how to fix the debacle of Xander's little game. Giles had shown up with Jenny, and shortly after Cordelia arrived to join in the scheming. All they were doing was arguing back and forth over whose fault it was, and why did he have to marry such a naïve young girl. Spike held his head between his hands and stared at the floor, wishing he could tune them out.

It wasn't any of their business. He was tired of it. Just like he'd told Xander. He didn't want the drama and flash anymore. The only thing he wanted was to love Buffy, and to write, but the past wouldn't let go of him. These people in his living room knew way too much, and they all felt it was their duty to keep him out of trouble. After all, they did it during his marriage to Drusilla, and even after her death. They thought it was the right thing to do, but he didn't feel that way anymore.

Someone sat next to him on the couch, and he knew it was Buffy. Sweet, innocent Buffy who wanted ice cream on their first date instead of wine, who'd never really enjoyed carnal pleasures before him, and who once thought he was her prince. Not anymore. He could see her eyes change from the bright emerald of innocence to the dark green of jade just a little more everyday. In his selfish desire to warm himself in her orbit, he'd blocked her light instead. She rubbed his back and leaned against him.

"I love you," she whispered. "It'll be all right."

It wouldn't though. How could it? The press wouldn't let go of it. It was too similar to Drusilla's affairs for them not to make the comparison and to speculate on it for weeks. What had Xander been thinking? Did he really think that Spike would look the other way for Xander to fuck Buffy? Maybe Xander was trying to remind him of their past and to make sure that Spike knew better than to change the status quo among their group?

It had been foolish for him to think they'd let him get away. Spider webs were a lot stronger than they looked and theirs had been years in the making. It connected them all in its sticky design. Spike rocked for a second trying to decide what to do. He sniffled and opened his eyes. There had to be something he could do to make this right, for him and for her. It was Buffy who was going to be splashed across the pages of the gossip rags. She didn't deserve to have her reputation ruined because Xander was trying to hold onto something that didn't exist anymore.

"Stop it," Spike said, and then realized he'd whispered it. He stood up. "Would you all shut your traps for two seconds?"

This time they listened to him and the room fell silent. He almost smiled, but then realized their reaction was from shock. Since Drusilla died, Spike pretty much just followed the advice given to him, and lived life as far on the edge as he could without falling off. Or letting the world know he was there. Image was everything in Hollywood, and you had to at least pretend to play her way to get anywhere.

Spike reached down to pull Buffy up beside him. He slipped his arm around her, tucking her close beside him. "Xander, don't you ever pull a stunt like this again. I think I know what you were trying to do, but it's not going to work. I'm married to this woman, and I intend to stay married to her despite what any of you think. So, back off and leave us the fuck alone."

"We can't. Not if you want to continue to have a career," Giles said. "The publishing company has said to proceed on the book as you see fit. You need to do the final rewrites on it, and start on the script negotiations. Bad publicity could ruin everything now."

"Blame Xander," Cordelia bit out as she crossed her arms, and plopped on the couch. She crossed her legs so one foot could swing. She was pissed. "It's not just Spike you fucked over, but us as well. God damn it. You're contract is in negotiations for next season plus the fucking movie of the week. What the hell were you thinking?"

Xander only shrugged and turned to sit on the edge of a chair on the far side of the room. He was putting on a great act of being remorseful, but Spike knew it was only that. An act. His friend never did anything in innocence. Xander carried around a lot of bitterness from his past. It made him a master of emotional manipulation, and hence a great actor. It was all about power. If Spike chose Buffy over their friendship, then Xander wasn't the one pulling Spike's strings anymore. It was something Xander couldn't take.

"It doesn't matter anymore," Giles said, pinching the top of his nose. "Nor who to blame. It's done, and we need to figure out how to fix it."

"Do we issue a statement?" Jenny asked, joining Cordelia on the couch. "Maybe announcing the book and movie information to distract them."

Spike felt Buffy slip away from him. He wondered why she was leaving him, and he stared after her as she headed for the family room. Her absence kept him from hearing Giles argue against the ability of a statement to counteract the too juicy gossip of Buffy cheating on him. There was a momentary lull in the arguments when Buffy returned. Clutched against her chest was one of the very magazines that were making his life a living hell at the moment. There was a hint of triumph in the bashful look she gave him.

"Look," Buffy said, handing him the magazine. She pointed to two pictures of Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey. He sighed, not following her and was ready to put the magazine down. "Read it, William. If pictures can tell one story then why can't we have them tell another?"

He quickly scanned the captions describing the different levels of their relationship. One was of them fighting six months ago, and a more recent photo of them declared them back in love. He still wasn't sure what Buffy was intending. His brows furrowed as he looked back up at her, trying to figure out what she meant. She grinned at him as he if was slow.

"If the photos taken of Xander and I are telling the story that you and I are breaking up," Buffy said. She glanced at the others in the room. Her self-consciousness evident as her words cracked when she continued. "Why don't you and I go out tonight and show the world how much in love we are?"

"They'll think you're doing exactly that," Cordelia said. "And that it's all an act." She rolled her eyes. "So, next plan."

"Wait a minute," Jenny said, leaning forward. "Not if they have a reason for going out. We issue a press release on the contract Spike signed this afternoon, and they're out celebrating."

"It might just work," Giles said. "Very good, Buffy. Now, let's get this in motion."

Giles started issuing orders to get everything in place for the evening, but Spike tuned him out again. The only thing that captured his attention was his wife. He pulled her against him, inhaling her scent, as he kissed her forehead.

"Don't ever give up on me, Buffy," he whispered so that only she could hear him.

"Never," she vowed, squeezing him.

And he dared to believe that she would always be there.

* * *

Everything was perfect so far. The plan was working like clockwork. David's office issued the Press Release as requested. They didn't want any bad publicity either, not when they were willing to invest millions to put the Galaxy trilogy onto the screen. A reservation was made for a table in the main dining room of Morton's. All the better to be seen and gossiped about.

Spike was dressed in distressed jeans and a Just Cavalli Textured Stripe shirt, while Buffy was wearing a Robert Cavalli black, figure-hugging dress with a broach at the neck. It was oriental in design, and was both sophisticated and feminine. They made a striking couple as they stepped out of the Porsche. Buffy smoothed down her skirt while Spike handled the valet. She glanced around, noting the paparazzi across the street, and smiled in satisfaction. There had been rumors of Jennifer Lopez holding a private dinner party tonight at the restaurant, thus ensuring many reporters would be hanging around.

"You ready, baby?" Spike asked, slipping his arm around her waist.

One of the photographers yelled something to get their attention. Buffy nodded to Spike, and in unison, they turned toward the cameras. They smiled, waved, and then kissed before making their way inside. Dinner was just the beginning, afterwards they were going to go club hopping to ensure there was lots of time for them to show the world just how much in love they were.

It wouldn't be hard. Not for Buffy anyway. She was deeply in love with her husband, and just hated the games that were a part of his life. All she'd done was go shopping with her husband's friend and now she was trying to prove to the world that she was faithful. They were shown to a circular booth in the main dining room. The host pulled the table out so they could sit beside one another with their backs against the wall. It was perfect. They could see everyone, and be seen by everyone.

"We're not going to order alcohol," Spike whispered. "You're underage, and…"

"We need to make me as pristine as possible," Buffy responded with a smile. She covered his hand on the tabletop with her own. "It's fine, Will. I'm just sorry that…"

"No," he silenced her with a kiss. "It's over with, and we're moving forward. Lot's of promise in our future and we're going to make the most of it."

"Yes, we are," Buffy promised, nuzzling his face. "I do love you so much."

Their server interrupted them by coughing discreetly, and smiling at them. "I do apologize for interrupting, but may I get you a cocktail?"

"Just an iced tea for me," Buffy replied.

"The same for me," Spike added. "We're celebrating," he laughed at the perplexed look on the waiter's face. "Long story, mate. Tea is fine. Thank you."

"You're a dork," Buffy teased. It felt good to be with William when he was in this mood. It reminded her of the first days when they returned from Las Vegas. He could be funny in a dark humor sort of way, but it wasn't something he showed a lot. She wondered if he could be like this more often if he lost the binds to his past.

"Women like dorks," Will said, putting his arm on the back of the booth. "It makes them feel superior to us mere mortals of men."

"You a mere mortal…never," she declared. "You are a god among men."

The arrival of their drinks interrupted their conversation. The waiter than gave them the presentation of the menu options, so by the time they were alone again they'd lost the thread of teasing. It disappointed Buffy. Everything had been on edge between them since the party where William had met David. She often wished they could be alone together somewhere, but now with the contract and the book compromise, Spike was going to be busier than ever.

"Don't pout," William said, leaning his forehead against hers. "You're my lady, and I love you with all of my soul. Be happy with me…even if only for tonight."

Buffy smiled, and then kissed him. "I'm always happy when I'm with you."

Five hours later she was doing everything she could to prove it to him. He was lying beneath her while she straddled him. Her hands held him down by his forearms while she slowly rode him. He was hard on desire and love only, thrust deep inside of her body. They locked eyes as they became lost in the haze of their fucking.

"Do you like this?" Buffy asked, grinding down on him, taking everything including the air from between them. She threw her head back without waiting for a reply. This was her show. Her trip, and she was taking it as far as she could. She froze when she felt him quiver. Not yet. She wanted to take it longer than they ever had before. "No, I'm not ready," she whispered, staring back down at him. "You're mine…always mine."

"Yes, yours," Spike declared, surrendering to her mastery. "No one else matters…forever."

There was no one but them left in the world, and it was the way they both wanted it. Buffy swore she would do whatever it took to keep them that way.

_to be continued…_


	21. Links

**Chapter 21 - Links**

Could you love and hate someone at the same time? Spike knew you could. As far as he was concerned the two were so deeply entwined you could never separate them. No one was all good or all bad, so how could your emotions for them be one dimensional. Yesterday, Xander had been his best friend and brother in every sense of the words. The emotional bond could never be broken by any outside force, and Spike would have given his life to protect Xander. Today, by Xander's own hand, they were enemies.

Now, they were standing face to face, and all Spike wanted to do was inflict deep physical pain upon him. Xander had touched the one thing in Spike's life that was still relatively unsullied by his dark soul, and in the process he'd smudged Buffy's light. His anger ran even deeper at Xander, because he'd caused a cloud of doubt between Spike and his wife. Buffy had been cast into suspicion by her innocent actions with someone Spike knew he couldn't trust. Why hadn't he ever warned Buffy to be suspicious of Xander's motives? Because he himself had hoped that this time things would be different. That this time Xander would be the friend he wanted him to be.

It hadn't happened though. And he hadn't been.

What did he do now? For over a decade, Xander was the only one to stand beside Spike. How could he just end the bonds between them? And with the secrets between them it wouldn't be safe to deliberately cut Xander out of their lives. Something about the old adage of keeping your friends close and your enemies closer. Xander was both to him. Just like he both loved and hated the man in front of him. Their lives, and hearts were more entwined than his had ever been with Drusilla, or yet to be with Buffy. He couldn't let him go. Not big enough of a line had been crossed yet. Spike hoped it never would.

Sighing, he handed Xander a beer before leaning on the kitchen island.

"What's going on with your contract?" Spike asked, trying to forget all the earlier problems.

"They're still considering it," Xander replied, twisting the top off the bottle. He pitched it across the room toward the garbage can. It ricocheted off, hitting the refrigerator before falling to the floor, where it skittered to a stop at the edge of the kitchen. He shrugged, smiled and turned back to Spike. "Sorry about that."

"You're saying that a lot lately." Spike hadn't meant to sound so bitter, but the truth was that he was bitter, and very tired of life at the moment. "Maybe you should try not doing things that you'll have to apologize for."

"You're probably right," Xander snapped. "But it seems no matter what I do anymore, I'm pissing someone off."

"Going for the pity party now?" Spike snapped back, but then he couldn't stop the twitch at the corners of his lips. It turned into a full blown chuckle. "Sorry, mate, but you're being overly dramatic."

"Me, over dramatic?" Xander pointed at himself while laughing along. He then pointed at Spike. "It's you who's the drama queen. I'm going to kill myself if you don't love me anymore."

"Fucking asshole," Spike groused. He drank half of his beer in one gulp. Xander's words stung, because he'd meant what he'd said to Buffy. He didn't particularly want to live after Drusilla died, and if Buffy was gone, he knew he wouldn't want to try anymore. Life was too cold and lonely without someone to love. It was just him though. "She means more to me than you understand…or want to care."

"Believe it or not I do," Xander whispered, before losing himself in his beer also. He stood and walked into the family room. There he looked out the window, staring off into space.

"Oh, come on," Spike said, following him. He plopped down onto the couch. "You? Seriously? In a deep romantic love? When? With who? Not with anyone since I've known you. Not trying to be mean…well, hell, maybe I am. Who the fuck are you trying to kid? You're a user. You have loyalty to people that are good for you. A good instance is me. Yeah, I know you love me. How could you not? But if I hadn't moved along the same path as you, then I do believe you would have left my ass at the curb a long time ago."

"I still may," Xander said, turning to look back at Spike. He lifted one eyebrow in imitation of his friend. "You are an asshole yourself. Talking to your best friend and buddy like that. "

"You always hurt the one you love," Spike said. He lifted his bottle in salute.

"Isn't that the fucking truth?"

They were both silent for a moment. Each seemingly lost in their own thoughts. All Spike could think of was all the ways he'd failed Drusilla. He hadn't loved her enough. He'd loved her too much. He'd been too possessive. Or had he given her too much freedom? He could go on and on dissecting their relationship and it still would have ended the same. Drusilla wouldn't be in his life anymore. He pushed back the memory of his beloved princess threatening to divorce him. It didn't matter. She was dead before the words could carry any weight.

"Has Cordelia forgiven you yet?

"Of course she has," Xander said. He took a seat next to Spike. "I'm her man, you know? Plus, she has to at this point. Too much invested in this relationship to give up on it yet."

"Yeah, I know." Spike said, slapping his friend on the thigh. "Hey, is it Cordy? The one you've fallen head over heels in love with? That would be rich. Xander and Cordy being in love."

"Do you ever quit being a bastard?" Xander said. This time there wasn't any smile to soften his insult. "You know how much I love Cordelia. She's my world."

"Yeah, I know," Spike replied. "Sorry about that. I know you and Cordy are sealed at the hips and totally into one another."

"Thank you."

It was a lie. Xander and Cordelia had sold their souls to one another. They did love each other, but their relationship wasn't based on that. If there was someone else who could helped them more, then their relationship would have been over faster than they said I do. It was just the way it was. And they loved each other because they were so similar, but in the end they loved themselves more.

Spike sighed. "Do you ever wish we'd taken another path?"

"Not at all," Xander said. "I have everything I want, or it's on the near horizon. So, that would be a big nope on wishing things were different."

Yet the look on his face told another tale, and it made Spike wonder what his friend was keeping from him. And how it would affect him when it came out.

It was unfair. But Buffy was learning to live with unfair. Spike was always locked away in his study working on the final rewrites of his book, or away collaborating with David on the movie project. The one afternoon she'd made plans, he announced that Xander was coming over so they could workout together. She barely saw him anymore, and it hurt that he was taking time off from work to spend with Xander of all people. She was lonely, and it had been days since they'd made love, but yet he could find time to spend time with the man who'd tried to wreck their marriage.

"Quit Buffy," Jenny said, interrupting her thoughts. "He loves you. Accept it and quit worrying about everything else."

"How can I not?" Buffy sighed. She took a sip of her iced tea. She didn't really want to sound like a whiney child, but she didn't understand. Shouldn't Spike put her before anyone else? "I'm sorry. I just miss him."

"You need to start making your own life," Jenny said, sitting back in her chair. She pushed her sunglasses higher on her nose. It had been her suggestion that they return to the scene of the crime; The Ivy. It would lessen the image of Xander bringing Buffy there if she was seen as a regular customer. "You can't sit around waiting for him to entertain you."

"Hence me being here with you," Buffy retorted. "And it's a little hard. I don't know that many people in LA, and I don't drive." She shrugged. "So, what am I supposed to do?"

"Learn to drive. There are many reputable schools that could teach you instead of waiting for Spike to do it."

Buffy didn't say anything. She returned to eating her salad. She liked the whole thing of Will taking care of her. It was one of the reasons she'd fallen for him so hard. To pass lonely times she would often replay their first encounter on the beach. Or the first time she saw him at breakfast when he was watching her so intently. And how would William feel if she started to become independent? He seemed to like being her prince as much as she enjoyed it.

"Buffy?"

"Sorry, Jenny," Buffy said. She sighed and set her fork back down. "Will likes me to stick close to him."

"Like a doll that he can take out when he's bored?"

"Of course not. Never…"

"Oh, come on. You're not that naïve are you? You're a beautiful young woman," Jenny said with a laugh. She held up a hand. "I do believe that Spike is completely besotted with you, but he doesn't see you as a fully functional woman. It makes him feel safe in loving you."

"If that is so," Buffy said, ready to defend her marriage. "Then why the hell would I even think about becoming independent. Doing and making decisions without his input? Wouldn't it cause trouble?"

"Because it will make him respect you," Jenny replied, reaching over to cover Buffy's hand with her own. "And that will only make him love you more."

"Is that the way it was with Drusilla?" It seemed like Jenny knew what she was talking about, and she wondered if she was trying to keep Buffy from repeating the mistakes of Will's first marriage. "Or was she totally dependent?"

"Drusilla was the perfect little girl," Jenny said. "She was feminine, and sweet to the men around her. But it was all an act, because she manipulated them with a cold heart. And every woman around was nothing but competition to be bested or taken out."

"I thought the six of you were all best buddies." Buffy waved her hands around before dropping them into her lap. "Family, and stick together through it all kind of stuff."

"We did," Jenny said, with a wry laugh. "And we do, but Dru didn't take to not being in the spotlight. I didn't give a shit about it, but she and Cordelia used to try and outshine each other."

"Well, how did that work with Xander sleeping with Drusilla?"

"Cordelia didn't care as long as Xander came home to her, and she was still the one who pulled his strings."

"I just don't understand that," Buffy said, shaking her head. She couldn't even think of sleeping with anyone but her husband. The thought of sharing him was enough to make her furious, and there was nothing on earth that could persuade her to knowingly let him have an affair with a friend, and do nothing about it. "I love Will so much. I couldn't bear for anyone else to come between us."

Jenny leaned forward, pushing back the remainders of her lunch, so that she could rest her forearms on the table. She removed her sunglasses, blinked a couple of times, and then turned to Buffy. "I'm not trying to be a doomsayer about your marriage."

"But you're going to anyway." Buffy laughed, and turned her head away.

"Sweetie, there are a lot of things that can cause trouble between you. You're going to need to take the rose colored glasses off and face the reality of who you're married to. Spike isn't an angel. I think you already know that, but you don't know the extent of what he's done. If you want to hold onto him, toughen up, and fight back."

Buffy leaned forward, clasping her hands in her lap. "Don't worry, Jenny, I plan on fighting hell itself to hold onto Spike."

Jenny smiled. "Then maybe you'll keep him after all."

And that was exactly what she intended to do.

_to be continued…_


	22. Velvet Nights

**Chapter 22**

The woman looking back at her in the mirror would have been a stranger only a few months ago, but now Buffy was becoming more comfortable with her. She turned sideways to see how she looked in the velvet Armani dress from the back. The black halter dress clutched tight at her waist, lent her bottom the illusion of being curvier, or maybe she was gaining weight. Her hand went to her stomach as she gazed at that part of her anatomy. No longer the hard abdomen of her cheerleading days, it was now a soft pooch and she pulled her stomach in self-consciously.

"You're still the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," Will said from where he was lounging against the doorframe of her bathroom. "Don't be thinking you're anything else."

Buffy smiled at her husband, grateful for his words as she returned to peering at this new woman. The expensive haircut, makeup and dress had changed her on the outside, but she knew that she was changing on the inside just as much. How could she not when there was no longer any worries about paying the rent, or even if she would have a place to live in a month? The small inheritance from her mother was something Will and she could drop in one afternoon of shopping. Leaning forward, she checked her eye makeup before looking back at William.

"I was just thinking how easy my life has become since marrying you," she said honestly.

Will straightened up, his eyes narrowing as he stared at her with suspicion. "Is that why you stay?"

"What kind of silly question is that?" Buffy asked, going to him. She slipped her arms around him, hugging him as she tilted her head back so she could watch the expressions on his face. "I love you, Will. I just don't want to become a stranger because you have money. You know the old Buffy was a little ditzy, but she had her good points. After all she won your heart."

He seemed to relax a bit. Finally, he put his arms around her, and lowered his lips to hers in a kiss that was almost desperately needy. It was sad that even months after their wedding, he still questioned her affection for him. It was also maddening because shouldn't he trust her enough not to wonder about her feelings? Maybe she should call him on it, but somehow she couldn't.

Instead, Buffy tightened her arms around him, squeezing him, rising on her tiptoes so she could deepen the kiss. Taking control, she slipped her tongue into the wet, warmth of his mouth, tasting the cigarettes and the beer he'd finished earlier. It was her William. Her hand shifted to the back of his head, and into the soft curls that he hadn't put gel in yet, pulling him down to her as she explored his mouth.

His body was tightening with the depth of her caresses. His cock hardened against her stomach, pressing to find the friction it desired. Making a decision that he was more important than anything else in her life, Buffy kicked off one shoe, hooking her leg over his hip. It was all the encouragement Will needed, reaching down; he pulled the hem of her dress upwards so it bunched around her waist. She moaned when his hands cupped her bottom, picking her up so that he could carry her to the bathroom counter. He set her down on the cool marble, never breaking apart from her lips.

Heat was racing through her body, screaming for Will to make love to her until nothing else mattered. Tugging at her panties, Buffy wiggled around so he could drag them down her thighs. She kicked them off, not caring where they landed because Spike was already pushing her legs apart.

Will entered her with a forgetful disregard for her body's preparedness. Like a man possessed, he pushed her back so that she was leaning against the mirrored wall behind her, and pulled her bottom closer to him. Buffy wrapped her legs high around his waist, letting him take her with a roughness he rarely showed. All she could do was hang on as he thrust relentlessly into her body, thankful for its own self-preservation, as her body grew wet to make the fucking a little easier. Somehow, she understood that he wanted to brand her as his woman. Sometimes he tried so hard to push her away, testing her, and Buffy refused to waver in her love for him. The wounded look in his eyes kept her there. He needed her, unlike anyone else in the world.

Spike nuzzled her neck, suddenly gentle, and she whispered to him. "I love you, William. I always will. No matter what."

"I know, pet." He cradled her against him, changing his level of thrusting so she was receiving more pleasure. "You scare me with how much you love me."

Buffy wanted to tell him that he was worthy of that love, but she kept silent. Sometimes it wasn't how worthy he was; rather it was her need to love that was more predominant. A sad situation that left them like two strangers on a deserted island forced to depend on each other so they could survive. So, she just whispered. "Don't be scared. I'm here."

* * *

The party was tedious. Buffy didn't like these events. She was accustomed to them though, like the woman she'd gazed at in the mirror earlier. Keep smiling, a little small talk, and don't go against the norm for the people they were with at the time. She sipped her champagne, making a beeline for the sliding glass doors at the back of the living room. A little fresh air and a second of privacy was a necessity before she started screaming.

"Oh, Buffy."

It was the soft voice of Chrissie, David Rollin's trophy wife, signaling Buffy to join her and a man, Buffy had yet to meet. Plastering on the smile, she changed directions.

"Jon, this is Buffy," Chrissie introduced them with flawless social skills. "Buffy, Jonathan Burke. He's a senior partner in the law firm of Kellerman, Weiss, and Burke."

"Hello, Jon." Buffy took his proffered hand, shaking it with diffidence. She stepped back, studying him, and wondering if she should know him. As far as she knew, she didn't. "Do you work with David?"

Jon laughed, shaking his head as he took another sip of his drink. "Not since his divorce."

Jon and Chrissie shared a conspiratorial glance, before Chrissie laughed. A tinkling sound that resonated with a cruelty even Buffy could sense. "Oh, yes," Chrissie laid a light hand on Jon's arm. "He made sure the bitch was put in her place."

The two laughed, and Buffy chuckled out of sheer politeness, but she wondered if the _bitch_ deserved to be put in her place. Chrissie seemed to be the typical second wife who didn't care about the woman she'd displaced, or the children affected by their father marrying a woman close to their age. Well, maybe she could give Chrissie reasonable doubt because from what Buffy learned from Spike, David's children, were all still young. Which made the whole situation even more tragic. She wondered if William wanted children.

The hand once on Jon's arm was now resting on Buffy's, forcing her to return her attention to the pair in front of her. She crossed one arm over her middle as she took a sip of her champagne to give herself a second to regroup.

"You're so lucky, Buffy," Chrissie said. "You don't have to deal with the first wife. Dru's death was so tragic." The blonde rolled her eyes. "You don't have to worry when she's going to call Spike with all of her little problems moving on with her life."

"Oh, really Chris. It's not like Spike would have been the one to leave…it was Drusilla who was getting the itchy feet."

"It wasn't her feet that were itchy."

They did that conspiratorial thing again, but this time Buffy straightened her back, ready to defend William. Chrissie's hand was still on her arm, it tightened as they noticed the change in her mood.

"Buffy, Spike is a wonderful man, and Dru wasn't the best thing for him. These days he's happier then I've ever seen him."

It was a side to Chrissie that Buffy never suspected. There was almost a kindness to her word, and the gaze cast her way. Everyone in this town seemed to have an opinion about her husband and Drusilla. Yet, no one knew the truth, and if they did, they were keeping quiet about it. Maybe she should drop her questioning into what had happened to the first Mrs. Nagle, and then it would remain this tragic event. However, intense drama touched everything in this town. Where would that leave Spike? Still blissfully blind, and always a bit insecure about Buffy's intentions? Or would the truth free him to be a confident man that could allow her to love him without the constant reassurance? She wanted that. She wanted Spike free.

"Thank you." Buffy smiled gratefully at Chrissie, while squeezing the hand still on her forearm. "I love him, and I hope that I'm making him happy."

"Well, then I guess you won't be making the trek to Santa Monica," Jon commented. He placed his empty glass on a tray carried by one of the waiters constantly circulating around the room. He nodded at Buffy's glass. "Ready for another?"

"Oh." Buffy hadn't realized that her glass was empty. She placed it on tray, accepting a full one from Jon. Her mind was elsewhere as she went through these automatic movements. Earlier she knew that Jon's name was familiar, but she assumed he was one of the numerous players, William had mentioned. He always came back from a strategy meeting in full hyper-mode giving her a running monologue about everything he'd done that day. Now, she realized she knew Jon from somewhere else, and thoughts raced through her mind while she tried to figure out where she'd seen his name. "I know," she said, snapping her fingers so suddenly that her companions jumped. She laughed. "I'm sorry. I was trying to remember where I knew your name from."

"I was wondering when you were going to make the connection," Jon said, looking over her head. "I hope that you won't let that color your opinion of me. I'm not my partner."

"Your partner?" Buffy questioned. "I don't understand. I found your business card in the penthouse."

"My partner was the one murdered in bed with Drusilla."

* * *

The conversation was boring. All business, and Spike's body was still humming from the loving he'd shared with Buffy earlier. He scanned the room to find his beauty, and stiffened when he saw she was speaking with Jonathan Burke. A man he considered partially guilty for Dru's death. Hurriedly excusing himself, Spike made a beeline toward his wife. Logically, there was no way he could keep Buffy from finding out all of the truth, but still he wanted to keep her from learning it.

They were silent when he stopped behind Buffy. His hand slid around her waist, pulling her back against him. "Hello, Luv," he whispered, kissing the curve of her neck. He loved it when she wore her hair up, leaving her throat exposed for him to nuzzle. She melted when he nibbled on a certain spot. Spike looked up to look at the other two. "Hello Chrissie…Jon." His fingers were busy skimming over the silk of her dress. Unmindful of the public situation as he reminded himself that Buffy wasn't wearing panties. It was his request.

"Hi, Spike." Jon clapped him on the shoulder, reaching around Buffy to give him the secret handshake to the fake club of their peers. "I've been hearing nothing but good things about this movie. It sounds like a blockbuster."

"I hope so." Buffy subtly pressed her bottom against his front, waking his soft cock from its boredom-induced slumber. He wondered if there was a place where they could play. "It will be David's enthusiasm that will bring my characters to life on the big screen."

"Who do you want to play Lucy?" A mischievous smile darted across Chrissie's face as she noticed the play of Spike's fingers across Buffy's hips. "Maybe Brad Pitt? Or Nicholas Cage?"

"Too well known." Spike slipped his hand to cover Buffy's abdomen. She released the breath she'd been holding, causing her to lean back on his chest. He wished she were naked. "And too action oriented. Lucy's got soul…despite his bad ass nature; he's got a soft side."

"You want to bank on an unknown to carry the movie?" It was Jon, smiling jovially at him, as if they were long lost friends or something. It irritated Spike. The memories of the day he'd identified Drusilla's body filtered through his mind, along with seeing Kellerman's wife there in the morgue hallway with Jon supporting her as she flailed out her grief for everyone to see. He wondered where she was these days, or if Jon was consoling the widow.

"Not an unknown. Just someone who can fully portray Lucifer's personality." Buffy's hand covered his on her belly, squeezing it reassuringly as his body tensed. "Not someone with a one dimension ability to act." Spike tilted his head. His cheek touched the twisted hair on top of Buffy's head, the connection making him tilt his hips forward. "Maybe that guy on CSI. The one who plays Warrick."

"Might work," Jon commented. He shuffled his feet a bit, sipping the drink in his hand. "Well, I wish you luck in this new venture."

"Thank you," Spike replied, holding his hand out. The two men shook hands. The encounter was over with, and Jon was walking away from them. Maybe later he'd have to find out what Jon had revealed to Buffy. It irked him that his past was open fodder to everyone. Too bad that the murder hadn't been made to look like an accident. It would have made his life simpler.

_to__ be continued…_


	23. Letting Go

**Chapter 23 – Letting it Go**

Buffy was watching William cook while she munched on the vegetables he'd just chopped. Just as she was reaching for another carrot, he swatted her hand away so that he could scoop them up and toss them into the wok. The mixture sizzled as the carrots, broccoli and sugar snap peas hit the heat. After giving them a quick stir, William reached past Buffy, who was sitting on the counter next to him to grab the soy sauce. She leaned forward, planting a kiss on his cheek as he passed by her.

"It smells wonderful," Buffy said, inhaling deep. "And I'm starving."

"Hope you're taking notes so you can cook once in a while." William glanced up with a smile, before returning his attention to their dinner.

"Nope, not me. I don't cook, remember?" She took a sip of her wine, batting her eyes at him over the rim. "I do other things to keep you happy."

William laughed. "I love those things you do, and that's why we're eating dinner at ten o'clock at night."

"Don't complain. You're the one who worked up my appetite."

"We could have ordered pizza and just stayed in bed."

"We need veggies to keep up our strength." Buffy nodded to emphasize her point. The whole day had been good, and last night, too. The moment they'd left the party, they'd started in on expressing their physical love. She'd gone down on him in the car after parking in the garage. Then they'd made love on the couch before going upstairs to bed to fall asleep in each other's arms. The whole day had been spent just being together, either watching movies, making love, or sleeping.

She couldn't complain because her husband was giving her all the attention that she could want. It was just that she wanted to talk about meeting Jonathan Burke, and his partner who'd been one of Drusilla's lovers to see if she could get another clue to the whole mystery. She knew that William would refuse to say anything and tell her to drop the subject. That his life with Dru was in the past. Sighing, she drained her glass, before hopping off the counter to get the bottle out of the refrigerator.

"Do you want more?" She asked, waving the bottle. The rapid motion made her dizzy so that she stumbled a bit. It wasn't her first glass, or even the first bottle. They'd started the day with mimosas and throughout the course of the day, she'd continued with several glasses of wine. William stiffened when she righted herself and giggled. Then he shook his head before turning his attention back to the food. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, pet." William refused to look at her though, and she moved to lean against the counter so he couldn't avoid her.

"I asked what's wrong. Is it bothering you that I'm drinking?"

He shrugged. "It's your choice."

Buffy put the bottle of wine away, and grabbed water instead. She returned to her seat next to him. "Will, talk to me. I don't want you to be upset with me."

Cupping her cheek, he kissed her softly. "It's nothing." He sighed. "I…"

"Did she drink too much?"

It didn't take much for Buffy to figure that it had to be Drusilla again. An interfering ghost in their marriage, casting a pall over everything they did. Buffy always had to hold herself above reproach or risk being compared to a woman who'd invented the word decadence. And she hoped by asking a question she already knew the answer to, that maybe William would open up to her.

"There wasn't much she didn't do," William said. He was drifting away into the past. "Booze, coke, pot, and sex. It was all about feeling good."

"I'm not her."

"I know." He sighed, and pulled the pot of rice off the burner. He fluffed it with a fork before answering. "In the beginning it seemed it was just for fun, and then as time went on it became apparent that she couldn't control herself. Or didn't want to." He dumped the rice into a bowl, and reached for the already cooked chicken to add to the vegetables. "If she wasn't happy, or things were boring, then it was time to reach for a pill, a bottle, or a bag." He snorted. "Or the nearest good looking man."

Buffy pulled him to her, placing him between her legs so that she could wrap them around him. "I don't drink because you bore me." She giggled, rubbing her nose against his. "The last thing you do is bore me. I asked you not to do coke anymore, and if you don't want me to drink then I won't."

Not moving from the security of her embrace, Will turned just a bit so he could stir their dinner. "I feel like a hypocrite asking you not to drink anymore."

"You're not." Buffy held up her right hand. "I, Buffy, hereby solemnly swear not to drink anymore…well, not as much as I have been." She laughed, kissing his shoulder. "I like champagne."

Will turned the stove off, and pushed the pan to the other side of the cook top. Returning to her, he wrapped his arms around her waist. "I love you, Buffy. It's okay. I trust you."

Taking a deep breath, she cupped his face. It was now or never to voice her concerns. "I know you do, but until you completely let go of her then everything I do is going to be judged by her standards."

"Bullshit," William said. "I have let go of her…she's fucking gone so how couldn't I?"

"Then why haven't you gotten rid of her things?"

"Because it didn't seem that bloody important. Things have been a bit busy if you recall or I've been spending time with you."

Will yanked away from her, and occupied himself with the final dinner preparations. Buffy waited while he dumped the chicken and vegetable mixture onto a platter, grabbed the rice bowl and stomped off for the dining room. He slammed them both on the table, and then to spite her, he poured himself a glass of whiskey. She rolled her eyes and slid to the floor before picking up plates and utensils for them.

"I'm not angry about it, William." She put a plate down in front of him, before taking a seat across from him. She sighed. This conversation was a potential minefield, but she was determined to continue since the opportunity had opened. "You don't usually want to talk about her, but no one else has that problem. Anyone that knew her has freely given me their opinion."

"Fucking great," he muttered, pushing his plate away. He drained his glass in one gulp, and then got up to get the bottle. Staring at her defiantly, he filled it to the brim this time.

Buffy ignored it. As her mother used to say, it was time to pick her battle. They could fight over the drinking or she could try to make a few points about Drusilla. Giving him a minute to regroup, she filled her plate and took a few bites.

"This is good. Thank you for cooking."

"Glad I'm good for something, besides paying the bills."

"That's not fair," Buffy said in a small voice. It was something he'd said the night before, and she wondered if that was something else that Drusilla had belittled him about. She leaned back in her chair to look at him. "You know I'm not here for the money. If it was then I'd sure as hell be spending a lot more than I am."

Something broke in him, because his shoulders slumped as he put the glass down. He wiped his mouth before turning to gaze out the window. The lights of the city were bright in the night, blocking out the sky. It was an artificial world out there. It could suck the soul and life out of anyone that wasn't careful. The tears were filling William's eyes as he stared at something only he could see. It was painful to watch him, but Buffy refused to go to him. Finally, he spoke as he came to sit at the table again.

"I know you're not. There are richer men than me, who could give you so much more than I ever could."

"I want you."

"Sometimes I don't understand why you do, but I love you for trying."

"I'm not trying." Buffy said, leaning her chin on her entwined fingers. "I do, and I always will. Stop listening to her voice in your head, and listen to me for a change. I'm here…alive and loving you. I don't need anyone or anything else to make me happy."

"You should though." He finally turned to his attention back to Buffy. "It's not good to hang everything on one person. You love me, but you don't know everything about me." He blinked rapidly to keep the tears back. "Things I've done…the kind of man I really am."

"Maybe the man you used to be?" Buffy prompted. "You don't do them anymore, do you?"

William laughed. "Some things stain a man's soul, and can never be erased. Things that haunt your dreams, and make you afraid to hope because you don't deserve it."

"I don't pity you. You were there to save me when I needed it. You made me laugh, and you made me feel loved. I've seen who you really are, and I believe in you."

"You're so young, Luv." His eyes closed as if he couldn't bear to look at her anymore. "Time doesn't erase everything…and it sure as hell doesn't fix it either."

"Tell me, William." Buffy stood, circling the table to kneel beside him. She put her hands on his thigh and back, hoping that he would trust her enough to let her in. "Please…talk to me. Maybe if you let it out, it won't be so bad. I promise I can handle it."

Instead of turning to her, William jerked away. He stood, moving to look out the window with his hands shoved in his pockets. Buffy sighed. She fell back to sit on her bottom with her arms around her legs. Just when she thought she was making progress, it seemed she wasn't. He wasn't going to tell her anything. Again. The rejection tore through her, but she refused to cry. It wouldn't work, and would probably only anger him.

"I'm going to bed." Buffy said, pushing herself up. "I'll clean this up in the morning."

He didn't say anything, and she shrugged to herself as she turned to leave. Pride was warring with the hurt, and unconsciously her chin went up. Maybe he was right. Maybe it was time that she found some other things to occupy her time. Drusilla was winning. There was a part of her husband she would never have, and Buffy might as well face it. She'd gotten to the doorway when she heard William whisper something. Whirling around, she found him watching her.

"I slept with Xander…we weren't alone, but he was there." He never broke his eyes from hers, waiting to see if she would turn tail and run. "I've done more drugs than I can remember. " He visibly swallowed; turning his eyes temporarily to the side before meeting Buffy's again. "Buffy…oh, god, I wanted Drusilla dead…I loved her so much, but I was never enough for her…and I hated her for it." His arms crossed over his middle as he sank to his knees. "The fucking bitch deserved it…she…" Whatever else he was going to say was lost in a sob.

Buffy ran to him, taking him in her arms as he buried his face in her lap. She ran her fingers through his hair as he cried through his guilt and pain. His words had only succeeded in making her more confused as to whether William was involved in Dru's death. It also made her more determined to free him from Drusilla's web.

"I'm here," she cooed, rocking him. "I love you still…always will, baby. Never going to leave you alone…never."

_to be continued…_


	24. Substantiated Rumors

**Chapter 24**

Buffy slipped from the warm security of her husband's arms, watching him for any sign of wakefulness with each inch she slid out of the bed. Spike flung his arms out as he settled on his back in the middle where just a moment ago they were holding each other tight. She wished that she could live in ignorance so she could keep holding him instead of using the cover of night to uncover his secrets. No, it was more like the secrets of his dead wife.

The only way that their marriage could be everything she wanted it to be was to face the truth, and put it behind them. No matter how ugly, Buffy wasn't going to let it come between her and Spike. He was too important to her soul. There was no way she could survive without him.

She tiptoed from their room, closing the door softly behind her before hurrying toward the stairs. Hopefully, she could find out what she wanted before Spike would wake up. With one last look behind her, she slipped into the den, taking a seat at Spike's desk.

It took a few minutes for the computer to warm up. While she waited, Buffy impatiently tapped on the desk with her fingernails. Every moment she was away from Spike, the guiltier she was feeling. Doubts started to creep in, and she was about ready to retreat when the welcome screen flashed. Her fingers hesitated over the keyboard for only a second before she double clicked for the internet. The deed was done.

"Okay, let's see what the world had to say about your death, Drusilla," Buffy muttered. After typing in Dru's name, she waited for the results. It didn't take long. There were quite a few matches. Mostly basic gossip, the clothes she wore, the parties she attended, but then Buffy found the information she wanted. An article reprinted from the local paper about the murder of a Hollywood legend and a prominent LA attorney.

The headline screamed in bold type, "Studio Princess dies with Lover". Buffy exhaled the breath she'd been holding. The article described the murder scene with eerie details that made Buffy shiver with the truth. A single bullet for each victim, Drusilla's through the heart, and the man was shot between the eyes. Apparently there'd been some attempt at survival because the lamp was broken, and Drusilla's body was draped over her lover's which was half off the bed. The police statement said that they suspected that the murder was personal.

"Like no duh," Buffy muttered when she read the obvious statement. There wasn't anything in the article she didn't already know, so she returned to the search results. There was a follow up article a few weeks later. A reporter looking for a way to extend the sensation when it had already been buried with the couple. He hinted at Spike possibly being involved in the crime. There was a photo of Spike at the funeral with the caption declaring the lack of tears from the grieving husband. Standing beside Spike was Xander who did have tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Why are you crying when Spike wasn't?" Buffy asked to no one in particular. She searched the group for any more familiar faces. Cordelia was standing behind the two men. Buffy's eyes opened in surprise when she saw a half smile cruelly curling the brunette's lips. It seemed someone might have been happy about Dru's death. There had to be an explanation. They'd been rivals, but they were both happily married, or at least content, so why would Cordelia be happy that Dru was dead?

Buffy rubbed her eyes. She hadn't really discovered anything new. There had to be something somewhere that would hold the key to Spike's happiness. She reached to click off the internet window when she saw a reference to secrets in the article. Something to do with the autopsy results. Another hint of evidence that would incriminate Spike. There weren't any more details on the autopsy.

Buffy did another search. This time for the reporter. Surprisingly enough, he'd quit working for the paper a few days after the article was printed. He was now reporting for an independent magazine that he owned.

"Well, gee that's convenient," Buffy thought as she wrote down his name and the address for his office. Apparently he knew something worth knowing. It seemed she'd have to pay him a visit.

* * *

Everything she needed for the afternoon was in her purse, the information folder for the driving school, cash and credit cards to pay for everything, and the name of the reporter Buffy had found in her midnight search. She sighed, throwing her purse over her shoulder before heading downstairs. Tara was waiting for her, the only person she trusted with the truth of her mission. Plus, Tara was fully on Buffy's side because she didn't understand or even want to understand this Hollywood life.

"Will?" Buffy called out on reaching the main floor of their penthouse. "Where are you?"

He didn't answer so she started to search on her own. There wasn't even the clacking of his computer keyboard to break the silence. Buffy headed for the terrace. There he was, lying on a chaise lounge with his notebook across his lap while he furiously scribbled notes for his edits.

"Hey, Will," she said softly, waiting a few feet away until he noticed her presence.

"Hello, pet," he answered, but didn't look up. "Give me a few minutes…okay?"

"I'm leaving…just wanted to remind you."

This time he did look up. Confusion played across his face as he took in her suede jacket and matching purse. "Were we supposed to be somewhere?"

"No, just me," she laughed. "Tara came into town to visit me and we're going to spend the day together. She's going to take me to the driving school."

Spike's head tilted as he searched his mind for the information. It took a second before he remembered what Buffy had informed him about Tara. "Oh right Luv, I'm sorry. " He paused. "I still wish you'd wait for me to teach you to drive."

Buffy shook her head before bending down to give her husband a quick kiss. "We've been over this…you don't have time and I need to learn. Can't have Mrs. William Nagle taking the bus…if Lindsey can drive so can I."

"She's totaled two cars already," Will replied. "I hope your not going to use that as an example."

He was serious, while she was joking. It was because his mind was still on the edits he was making to the screenplay. Buffy smiled and patted his head like he was a child. "It's okay, sweetheart, I don't plan on totaling anything. That's why I'm going to a professional…not that you can't do better, but you're just getting busier…and I need to learn to take care of things on my own."

"I should…"

"No, you shouldn't," Buffy declared, already knowing that he felt her happiness was dependent on him. She sat on the edge of the lounger. "I'm okay with this. The time you do have for me can be spent in better pursuits…like making love," she kissed him again. "Or cooking for me," giggling she nipped his ear lobe.

"Brat," he teased, tickling her sides. "I give. Go on, just come back soon."

"I will," she promised.

Sighing with relief that she'd managed to cajole him into agreement, Buffy rushed to the elevator. It was only when she was halfway down the building that the guilt niggled at her tummy. She closed her eyes, leaning back against the wall, and tried to tell herself it was for the best. She loved William with all her heart, there was no argument about that, and didn't the end justify the means? At least that's what she tried to tell herself as she made her way across the lobby to the revolving doors at the front.

Tara's small economy car was parked at the curb toward the end of the half drive. The doorman gave her the once over as Buffy opened the front door. After seated she slipped her sunglasses on her nose then tilted her head up.

"My poor car is intimidated by the others on this street," Tara commented dryly as she pulled out into traffic. "She doesn't quite fit in here."

"Kind of like me," Buffy said with a sigh. She patted the dashboard. "It's okay. They'll have to accept us…eventually."

"Things not getting better?"

"Yes, of course they are…if you like living in a maze."

"Then why don't you leave?" Tara asked. After a pause, she snapped her fingers. "Oh, that's right, it's because you love the prince and one day you'll live happily ever after."

Buffy laughed. "I don't think that will ever happen." She dragged a finger across the window. "I'd settle for no more clouds over our heads."

"I'm proud of you for fighting back." Tara smiled. "I remember the girl of a few months ago who was certain that life was going to be one of drudgery and barely making ends meet like the rest of us mortals."

"Have I changed?" Buffy muttered, wondering if she had or had just been waiting for this turn in her life. Like she'd been sleeping for most of her life, and was just now waking up to the person she was meant to be.

"Yes, Buffy," Tara said dryly. "So, the driving school first?"

"Yes, ma'am."

They both giggled as Tara maneuvered through the traffic. It didn't take long for them to reach the driving school and enroll Buffy to start instructions in private lessons. Soon, they were headed to the other side of Los Angeles where Allen Doyle had set up camp. The building wasn't hard to find. Not in the best neighborhood but decent enough. Buffy noted it was also clean as the two women made their way through the lobby to the bottom floor office.

Hopefully, Buffy wouldn't be recognized. Not with her hair pulled back into a ponytail and her expensive jacket and purse left in the trunk of the car. She was going for the average young woman look, and could only pray that this quest wouldn't find her in the evening rags. She also knew that a lot of that luck rested with the man she was going to see.

The entire enterprise of Doyle's was in one room with three desks. One desk, apparently the receptionist's, was vacant. Her attention was drawn to a man arguing over the phone at one of the other desks, but that changed when the man at the other desk waved at them.

"You both here about the job," he said, standing to come over to them. "I guess its my lucky day."

"No, actually I'm here about something else," Buffy replied.

Doyle instantly tensed. His gaze darting between the two women as he seemed to try to figure out if they were foe or friend. It made Buffy smile. Or it did, until he stopped to scrutinize her face.

"Ah, you're married to William Nagle, aren't you?"

It was Buffy's turn to tense, but there was no way to deny it. Her shoulders slumped as she nodded. "Yes, I am."

"And what would bring you to my door? Perhaps you're finding it a bit hard to live with your new husband? Has he beaten you yet?"

"Of course not," Buffy snapped. "William is one of the…"

"Kindest men you know," Doyle finished. "Yeah, I've heard it before."

The smirk on the handsome man's face reminded Buffy of Xander's expression when he thought he had something over on Buffy. She wanted to scream in frustration. Why was finding out the truth so difficult?

"He is," Buffy said a little quieter. "I read your article. I know what you think about him, but you're wrong."

"Care to enlighten me then?"

"I have to have your word that my visit isn't going to appear in your next edition."

The man still sitting at the desk in the corner laughed at Buffy's statement. He leaned back in his chair with his arms crossed over his chest. "Lady, are you crazy?"

"Forget it." Buffy said, turning to leave. "Obviously, you don't have any honor and there wasn't a grain of truth in your articles about Drusilla."

"Now, that's not exactly the truth either," Doyle said, making Buffy hesitate. "What did you come here for?"

"Because I need the truth. I know William didn't do it," Buffy said, with conviction. "You alluded to some big secret in your article that led you to believe that he did do it. I want to know what you know."

"What do I get for telling you and keeping my mouth shut about you doing a little detective work on your own?"

"What do you want?"

"I want the world to know that William did do it, so I want an exclusive when this breaks."

Buffy laughed and shook her head. It was Tara who so far had been standing quietly in the background that answered. "There's no way she can promise you anything. Are you in this business for the truth or for the sensationalism?"

Doyle sighed then smiled. "Okay, I'll tell you what I know. Can't give you anything but the facts, you understand."

"It will be more than I know now," Buffy said.

"And one other thing," Doyle said, staring at Tara. "Your phone number."

Tara blushed. "O…okay. I'll wr…write it down while you and Buffy talk."

After nodding his agreement, Doyle turned back to Buffy. "Look to be honest, all I have is information that no one will substantiate. It's factual…just people got paid off to keep some things quiet. I suspected your husband of the murders, but there are others who could have done it." He leaned back against the receptionist desk. "Her father, or the wife of the man who died with her," he paused for a second before dropping a bombshell she wasn't expecting, "or it could have been the father of her baby."

_To be continued…_


	25. Caught in the Web

**Chapter 25 - Caught in the Web**

Stepping off the elevator, Buffy plastered a smile on her face in preparedness for when saw William. She called out to him as she headed toward the living room. There wasn't any answer. Nothing but the sound of her voice echoing through the empty rooms of the downstairs. She glanced at her watch. It was almost six and they'd planned dinner for seven. He should be home.

"William, I'm home. Where are you?" She dumped her packages on the couch as she tried again. There was still no answer to her query. She turned to Tara with a shrug. "Let me go find him. Make yourself at home. The kitchen is over there," Buffy finished with a wave of her hand.

"Thanks," Tara replied with a smile and a slight nod. "I'll be fine."

Confident that her friend could handle being left alone for a few minutes, Buffy headed for the upstairs. The fake smile she'd worn before was now gone as she let her mind sort through the things she'd learned that afternoon. Drusilla being pregnant opened all sorts of new possibilities for motives to have her murdered. Who'd been the father? Which lover was she careless with? Did she want the baby? Or was she going to abort it? Of course the biggest question was had Spike known about the pregnancy? If he did, how did he feel about knowing that his wife was unfaithful to him?

A shudder ran through her as for or the first time she hesitated about finding out the truth. What if Spike hadn't known? Revealing the truth of everything would devastate him if he'd been the father. If it wasn't his child then he'd be even more mortified about his deceased wife's activities with other men.

There was also the possibility that the murderer hadn't even known about the innocent babe caught in the mess Drusilla created. Buffy's heart ached for the child and for the man she loved. Neither of them deserved the treachery of the woman they'd both needed and who'd let them down so horribly.

"Will, are you in here?" Buffy called out just as she crossed the threshold into their bedroom. He wasn't in sight, but she rounded the bed wondering if he was in bathroom.

"Yeah," he said, making her stop as he leaned out of the doorway with a towel hanging low on his hips. Small drops of water glistened on the landscape of his shoulders and chest before they slid down his abdomen before disappearing beneath the towel.

No wonder he hadn't answered her, William being in the shower was as bad as him sitting in front of his computer. It would take a catastrophe of loud proportions to get his attention in either situation.

"Everything okay?" He prodded when she didn't answer him right away, and then took a few steps closer to her. Stopping only when there was a hairsbreadth between them.

Nodding, she flashed him an indulgent smile. He was okay. Relaxing, her eyes swept over him, taking in the beauty of his body. Even after months of marriage, sometimes just the sight of Will could coax Buffy into a state of heightened desire. If Tara wasn't waiting for them downstairs, she would seduce him into a before dinner romp. Not that it would take a lot to get him to agree. The sex between them was one of the best parts of their marriage. She sighed. Physically she took a step back, mimicking her mind putting away the notion of lovemaking for now.

"Yep, everything's better than okay." Unable to resist, Buffy ran her fingers down his arm. "Tara is staying for dinner…if that's all right with you. I mean she drove me all over LA today, so I didn't think…"

"Shush, luv," Spike whispered with a grin. He laid a finger on her mouth, letting it caress the curves of her lips when she stopped talking. "You were babbling." He kissed her softly, and she could feel his lips curve into a smile against hers before he pulled back. Cocking his head to the side, he added, "I hope you don't mind, but Cordelia and Xander are on their way over to join us."

"Oh."

"You do mind?"

In a way she did. So much was happening that her mind was fuzzy trying to keep everything straight, much less play the games that were always played when the other couple was around. Plus, she wasn't sure how they would take to the quietness of her friend with the small town ways.

Once again Spike had to prompt her for a response. "I didn't think it was a big deal." He shrugged his annoyance. "Xander said he had news that he wanted to share with us."

Buffy pulled herself up. Not only was Tara tough and able to take care of herself, but Buffy wouldn't allow them to treat Tara with anything but respect. Even if it led to a confrontation that wouldn't please Will. As for everything else on her mind, it would have to wait until later.

Hoping to placate Will, she slowly slid her hands up his chest until they were resting on his shoulders. "No, its fine, Will. Do you have something planned for dinner or are we going out?"

"Steaks on the grill? Nothing fancy."

"Works for me."

"Give me a minute and I'll be down."

"Thank you," Buffy said, leaning against him for a moment. She could feel the dampness seeping through her clothes, but she didn't care. The combination of the heat of his body and the coolness of the remaining droplets was a sensual combination. It only stoked the earlier embers into a small blaze. Her hands slid back down to so they were resting on his hips. "I love you, William." For just a moment she closed her eyes, leaning her forehead against his cheek, letting herself indulge in a small fantasy.

"Love you, too," he whispered before patting her bottom. "Go on. Your friend is waiting."

"Kiss me first," she whispered, looking up at him from under her lashes. She adored the sinister grin that twisted his lips as he pulled her against him again.

"Yeah, baby?"

"Please," she begged playfully.

"You, my pet, are temptation."

It was the last thing he said before he walked her backwards until she hit the wall. Pinned, she waited for him to follow through, but he didn't kiss her. Instead, he nibbled at her neck while his hands pulled the scrunchy from her hair. He held her in place, hands tangled in her hair while he took the small blaze into a roaring fire that brought tingling to every nerve ending of her body. She could feel her toes curl in her boots as she pressed herself closer to him.

"Will, we have company coming." She wanted this to continue, but it couldn't. She pushed him back.

"You started this." He was teasing but he released her with obvious reluctance. Rubbing his nose against hers for a mere second before he stepped back. "Go on, Luv, keep Tara company."

She wondered why their relationship couldn't always be this easy. Sex between them was never an issue. It was the communication that was lacking. So many things they never said to each other that could have eased her fears of not being loved. All she wanted was all of Will's heart. Not just the part that Drusilla didn't still have a hold of.

As she slowly walked down the stairs, she could feel the chill from her damp clothes send a shiver through not only her body but into the depths of her soul. This whole situation with Drusilla was like fighting a living evil presence that wouldn't leave them alone. But could she exorcise her from their lives? Sighing, she sat down on a stool at the counter overlooking the kitchen.

"Is Will all right?" Tara asked. She glanced at Buffy as she slipped teabags into a pot of boiling water.

"Yeah, he's fine. I just keep having doubts about continuing to dig into his past, but then the next minute something will happen and I'm sure that I'm doing the right thing. I just don't want to hurt Will more than he already has been. What if what I'm doing destroys us instead of bringing us closer?"

"You need to be careful and very sure that you want to know the truth. What if you find out something that would make you stop loving him?"

Buffy watched as her friend pulled the sugar canister over to the pitcher. The simple actions made her long for her mother who always had tea in the refrigerator for those hot summer days. Although it had been mere months, her life in Sunnydale seemed a lifetime ago.

"I don't think that would ever happen." Buffy already knew things that had shaken her heart, but had yet to turn it against her husband. All she wanted was someone to tell her the right path to take. "Should I let it go?"

"That's something that only you can answer."

"This new information…," she glanced behind her at the stairs to make sure they were still alone. "It will kill Will."

"Maybe then you should let it go." Tara stopped stirring the tea to reach over to grab Buffy's hand. "He adores you. Accept it and take whatever happiness you can get. In time, he'll become more comfortable in your relationship and open up more."

Buffy sighed. "Maybe you're right. I just don't want to lose him."

"You won't," Tara reassured her before turning to get some glasses out of the cabinet. It just seemed too simple to walk away at this point. She knew too much, and if William ever knew she was keeping secrets from him then he would end up hating her like he did Drusilla. The spider web was becoming denser with Buffy caught in the middle like an innocent fly. She had no one to blame but herself for the whole thing. Why hadn't she just been grateful for Will's love and left things alone?

Before she could ponder anymore, the sound of the elevator swishing open signaled the arrival of Xander and Cordelia. Everything they did was with flair as they swept into the room with Xander carrying a bag from an exclusive restaurant they frequented. He handed it Buffy and she couldn't resist taking a peek. Inside was a scrumptious looking cheesecake for dessert.

"Ooh, thank you," Buffy said, turning to take the bottle of wine from Cordelia. It was a bottle of Silver Oak Cabernet Sauvignon wine to accompany their meal. She hurried to the other side of the kitchen to put the items away. She barely had time to introduce Tara to the couple before Will joined them. Once he arrived the atmosphere was one of joviality as they moved outside to the table on the terrace.

* * *

"What's the good news?" Spike asked from where he was reigning over the huge built in gas grill where thick porterhouses sizzled over the flames. The phone call he'd received earlier from his friend had indicated that there was cause for celebration. Something much needed between the friends who were feeling the strain from Spike's constant working on the screenplay. He'd been looking forward the evening ever since he'd received the phone call.

"This is better than good," Xander crowed, leaning back in his chair. His legs were crossed with his ankle resting on his knee. He waved a glass of wine in the air. With a huge grin, he looked each person in the eye before he spoke again. He placed a hand on his chest. "You are looking at the new lead in a feature film."

"You're shitting me." Spike grinned. Things seemed to be on the upswing for the group. Between his movie deal and now Xander's new role, maybe the black cloud was finally gone from over their heads. "No one would seriously hire you to hold up an entire picture by yourself, now would they?"

"Nope." Xander threw his arms out wide. "I begin filming two days after the show wraps up."

"Congratulations," Buffy said, standing so that she could lean over and hug Xander. She was smiling as if she was really happy for their friend.

It made Spike feel good. Another obstacle out of the way. If Buffy and Xander found their way to relax the feud between them, it would make Spike's life so much happier. And easier. Having the two most important people in his life competing for his attention was a constant source of friction for him. He loved them both. They knew it, so he wasn't quite sure why they felt they had to fight over him. All he wanted was for things to be relaxed around him. That way he could exist in the worlds he created without being forced back into reality so often.

"Yes, congratulations," Tara added, raising her glass for the toast with the others. Although shy, she acted like she wanted to be a part of them. That was fine with Spike. It was apparent she was someone that Buffy trusted which only added to the acceptance that he'd found for her when they'd first met. Plus, if Tara was around then she could help keep Buffy occupied while he worked. He always felt guilty when he wasn't able to give his wife the attention that he wanted. And that she craved although she never complained about it.

Shaking his head, he tried to clear the clouds that were crowding it. He flipped the steaks, pulling two to the side so that they would remain warm while the others cooked a little longer. He was only paying partial attention to the others until he heard Cordelia make a remark that he'd heard a thousand times before, but yet not for a very long time.

"Yes, my very wicked boy has made me very proud," she crooned, rubbing Xander's back.

"Your wicked boy?" Buffy said, while her face drained of color. She looked between Xander and Spike, making him suspicious. "But I thought…"

It was then that Spike knew something was up. He hadn't heard Cordelia use that phrase since before Drusilla died. How would Buffy know?

"Buffy….?"

"Oh, shit," Buffy mumbled, as she went to stand and knocked over her wine glass. In the ensuing struggle to clean up the mess, the moment to question his wife was gone. But Spike made a mental note to ask her later when they were alone.

_to be continued…_


	26. Sand in a Bottle

**Chapter 26**

It was after midnight with no sign of Cordelia and Xander going home. Xander had just opened a new bottle of wine and was cheerfully filling glasses. Except for Buffy who was trying to remain sober and Tara who was drinking herbal tea. Will was drinking, but nowhere near the amount that his friends were consuming. From the confused glances he occasionally cast her way, Buffy knew that he was waiting for the chance to confront her.

There were two choices open to her when he finally got his opportunity. She could make up a lie to cover the sin she'd already committed by omitting the truth from her husband, or she could tell him what she'd been up to since the beginning of their marriage. Neither was what she wanted to do, but she knew William enough to realize that he wouldn't let go of it. Maybe several days would go by before he'd mention it or he could merely be waiting for their guests to leave. She'd created the situation so she could only deal with it with grace and let him know that her only motivation was love.

"If you'll please excuse me," Tara said, standing. "I'm going to go ahead to bed. It's been a long day."

"I guess it has." Xander laughed, looking at his watch. "That is if you're not used to a little living."

Cordelia giggled along with her husband while giving Tara a scathing look. It had been obvious all evening that Buffy's earlier suspicions were correct. The couple looked down upon Buffy's friend. There were never any overt comments but they always geared the conversation to exclude Tara. It hadn't been the most pleasant evening, with the rudeness of Spike's friends, and his moodiness over her earlier slipup. She just wanted the whole night over with even if it included the inevitable confrontation with her husband.

It was all becoming too much and as she followed Tara upstairs, she pushed her hair back with a sigh. She wondered if it was always this hard to love someone.

"Are you okay, Buffy?" Tara asked as soon as they were alone in the bedroom. She looked concerned, approaching Buffy so she could cup her friend's cheek. "I was so sure this relationship was the answer to all your dreams, but now I'm not so certain."

"It is," Buffy insisted, pulling away and sitting on the edge of the bed. She folded her hands on her lap. Tears filled her eyes. It had been a tiring night. All of a sudden, everything was closing in on her and she wanted it over. "I'm going to tell William everything. All of it. I screwed up tonight and he's already suspicious of me." She leaned forward, burying her face in her hands as the tears slipped down her cheeks. She felt Tara sit beside her before being pulled into her friend's arms. "I love him. So much sometimes it scares me. He makes me feel like no one ever has before."

"Oh, Buffy, I know you love him." Tara stroked Buffy's hair with a gentleness that made Buffy think of her mother. "This relationship is tearing you apart with doubts and a lifestyle you're not comfortable in. You've been married for months and you're still living in Drusilla's shadow. I agree it's time to come clean with Will. Tell him everything. If he loves you then he'll forgive you and you can start over."

"And if he doesn't…"

But neither woman had an answer for that dilemma.

* * *

It was the final straw as far as Spike was concerned. Buffy's disappearance upstairs with that little frightened look on her face only confirmed his suspicions. She'd done something to betray him. His mind was racing with the possibilities of what she could have done. Yet he knew she hadn't done anything that could rival what Drusilla had done to him. Dru enjoyed every moment of pain she gave him. Buffy loved him. That much he would stake his life on.

"So, Spikey old boy, you're not going to keep that mouse around, are you?"

He looked up at his friend. At the arrogance that filled features once so boyish. Spike laughed at the changes they'd wrought on their own lives. The two outsiders that wanted the golden life. The price they'd paid for those dreams to come true…the loss of their very souls. He knew if he died that night there was only one place he'd go and that was hell. There was no redemption for some things. Carefully, he set his glass on the side table. The alcohol he'd consumed was buzzing through his system, but he wasn't that far gone.

"Tara is good for Buffy." Spike said clearly, as he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. "And what is good for Buffy stays around."

"Oh, that's rich." Xander threw his head back with laughter that echoed around the monstrous room. "You aren't good for that girl. Man, she's up to something. We both know it. What are you going to do? Forgive her; take her shit while begging her to love you?"

It took only a second for Spike to fly across the room at his friend. The feel of his fist smashing into Xander's chin was the most satisfying thing of the entire night.

"God damn it," Cordelia screeched. "Don't hit him. He's got to start shooting the fucking movie…Spike, I said stop it."

She pulled on his arm, but the first punch was all it took to relieve the anger. Xander wasn't wrong. It was the way he was with Drusilla. How much would he take from Buffy? As he thought, he sat on Xander's stomach, caressing where blood was dripping from his friend's lips. A memory of a night long ago crossed his mind. Emotions filled his chest, making it hard to breath, and Spike leaned forward until he was forehead to forehead with Xander. His body slid down until he was half lying on Xander.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this," Spike whispered. Xander's arms encircled him just like before when all they had was each other. "It's all turning to dust."

"It won't." Xander pulled Spike's chin up until they could look into each other's eyes. "We just have to keep it together."

"I don't want to…I need to tell her everything."

Spike saw Xander look over his shoulder, and he turned his head. He just caught the sight of Buffy and Tara standing on the stairs before Xander turned him back. Their lips met, and Spike let Xander kiss for him for a moment before he pulled away. It was a ploy. Another trick by Xander to chase Buffy away. His wife would eventually crumble their castles made of sand. He knew it. He stood, staring at Xander and then Cordelia. They were family by love, blood, treachery and death. However, the only chance he had to be a good man again was the woman who looked like she was going to faint from watching him kiss another man.

"Go home, Xander."

Then he ran. Disappearing into his study. His refuge when the world was too much, but all he could do was stare at the blank computer screen while he tasted Xander on his mouth, and wishing it was Buffy.

* * *

The look on Buffy's face was enough to make Xander want to shout in triumph. The disillusionment was priceless. Oh, words were one thing, but to watch your supposedly heterosexual husband kiss another man was another thing. The past made them comfortable with a physical relationship between them. You did what you did when celebrating life's victories with the ones traveling the path with you.

"Come on, Xander," Cordelia said, coming over to help him stand. "I think the fun is over for the night. Wouldn't want the virgins to swoon or anything."

"I'm not as weak as you think." Buffy made her way toward them with seemingly more confidence than she should have had. "I know about your past with my husband. And that's exactly what it is, the past. He's mine now. So, get used to it and quit playing your games."

Once she was close enough, Xander could see the doubts that Buffy carried shining in her eyes. She was still insecure enough, and he was just the man to play on those weaknesses. Not caring anymore about the promises he'd made to stay out of their marriage or to respect this little blonde twit for the sake of his friendship with Spike, he was ready to answer her challenge.

Xander shook off Cordelia's warning hand. He took a step closer to Buffy, grabbing her upper arms and pulling her up toward him. Pressing his lips against hers, he let one hand slide down to cup her bottom. Before she could even fight back, he released her as abruptly as he'd grabbed her.

"You saw what I am to Spike; even you can't be that dense." Xander backed away, grabbing his jacket from off the back of the chair and took his wife's hand. "I'll never be out of his head…or his heart. You've been fighting the wrong ghost. It's me, not Drusilla." He leaned over and kissed Cordy on the cheek. "Come on, baby, let's head home. This place is giving me the creeps."

* * *

Buffy stood watching as the couple left, feeling even more confused than before. None of it made sense. She wondered why Cordelia hadn't had anything to say about Xander's performance. Or maybe the other woman already knew and accepted the relationship between the two men. She quickly turned around to find Tara standing right behind her with pity clearly written on her features.

"It's all a game, Tara. Mind games where Xander tries to tear me apart and make me doubt William. I won't give in to it though. If Will can't forgive what I've done then it's between us and has nothing to do with that ass."

"Are you sure? I…it was…are they…I mean, were they lovers?"

"Apparently," Buffy snapped. She rubbed her forehead. "No, it was just all part of a lifestyle they once lived. One William wants nothing to do with anymore and Xander can't let go of, so it leaves their friendship in a bit of a quandary." After tonight, she figured that her friendship with Tara was over. No one could stand in this snake pit of her life and accept it. Impulsively, she wrapped her arms around her friend. "I'm so sorry." Suddenly she was sobbing.

The hug was returned with astonishing strength. "You're my best friend, Buffy. I don't care about anything but your happiness. And you seem anything but happy. I'll be here for you. No matter what happens."

"Thank you."

They stood holding onto one another while Buffy cried as she'd needed to do for a long time. It was so hard to remain strong when you felt so weak. Choices needed to be made, and the truth needed to be told. She stepped back.

"Go on to bed, Tara. I'm going to have it out with William. It's going to be settled one way or another tonight."

* * *

His fingers caressed the phone for a few moments while he tried to make a decision. There was only one person who could give him some levelheaded advice about his latest fuckups. With a sigh that came from somewhere deep inside him, he picked it up and dialed the number. He thought it was a shame that it was answered on the second ring, because there wasn't a chance for him to hang up. He couldn't call it a mistake or come up with a stupid excuse for calling in the middle of the night.

"Hello…is anyone there?" There was a moment of fumbling before Giles spoke again. "Spike, are you there? Is everything all right?"

"I don't know how to get out of this mess of my life."

There wasn't any need for any lengthy explanations. Giles knew it all. He would understand even if no one else ever did. He always kept Spike's ass out of trouble. More times than he wanted to admit to anyone, especially himself.

Giles sighed. "It's because of Buffy. I know you love her, but she's not only competition but also someone that will always want to do the right thing. Are you ready for everything to be exposed? Or more importantly, are you ready to lose everything you have for her?"

"Are you telling me to divorce her?"

"No, Spike. I'm not. I think the first thing you need to do is tell her everything. And I mean everything…even down to the oath we took the night Drusilla died. She doesn't have any evidence to take to the police, so we don't have to worry about charges. Plus she's your wife and can't testify against you."

"I don't want to lose her." Spike covered his face with his hand. He already knew tears were falling from his eyes. He just needed to feel them. Like he needed his wife. Suddenly, it didn't matter about the slip up of earlier. The information could have come from a hundred sources, and he decided to trust her. After all, she was his sunshine.

"If she truly loves you, she'll stand by you." Giles said.

His words didn't matter though, because Spike had already decided to come clean and tell Buffy every ugly detail of his life. He prayed that she wouldn't leave him. That her love would be strong enough to see the man he wanted to be for her.

"Thanks," Spike muttered, almost as an afterthought. "I'm going to go talk to her."

He hung up the phone with a lighter heart and a rekindled sense of hope. With a smile, he ran up the stairs to find his wife.

* * *

It was time to come clean. About everything. If William truly loved her, then he would understand her desire to make it all better for him. She hugged Tara one last time before hurrying to her bathroom. She would get the diary, give it to Will, and tell him that she'd read part of it. Somehow, she knew it was going to be all right. Kneeling on the floor, she pulled open the bathroom drawer where she'd hidden it. It hit her then. She froze, staring into the contents of the drawer. No, it couldn't be. Her hand went to her belly as she tried to remember the last time she'd had her period.

"Oh god," Buffy whispered, when she realized it had been at least two months. "I'm pregnant."

_to be continued…_


	27. Truths

**Chapter 27**

The dream and excitement for a new start to his marriage propelled Spike to run up the stairs and into the master bedroom. Making Buffy realize his love for her was foremost on his mind, not allowing any room for doubt to enter his mind. He just knew that this was what the night. The moment their relationship would become all he wanted. From that first day he saw her, he knew she would belong to him in every way possible. Now it would come to the full realization without any more secrets between them. His love for her came from a small corner of his soul that somehow had remained untainted by the way he'd lived his life for more years than he could count.

Maybe, finally, Drusilla would leave him alone. Stay out of his dreams, and let the guilt he felt over her death dissipate. All he needed to do was trust that Buffy would be able to handle the truth with her love for him still intact. A smile of anticipation teased at his lips as he quickly moved through the bedroom and toward the bathroom in search of his wife. The closed  
door made him hesitate, but then he knocked softly on the door.

"Pet, okay for me to come in?"

There was no response to his query, but he could hear the slight sound of her rapid breathing. He reached for the knob, trying it, and with relief found it unlocked. He pushed it open, stopping when he saw Buffy sitting on the floor. She was leaning against the bathtub with her legs crossed. On her lap was a book, but she was ignoring it as she stared at some spot on the floor.

Something was horribly wrong, was all Spike could think as he rushed to kneel in front of her. He cupped her face, gently turning it so that he could look down into her eyes filled with tears. There was confusion shining from them, but there seemed to be a trace of hope and joy filtering through somehow.

"What's wrong?" He asked, praying that somehow everything was still going to be all right.

Buffy reached up to stroke his cheek as a few tears slid down her cheeks. "I love you, William. Please, don't hate me for it. All I wanted was for us to be happy."

Laughing with a trace of fear, Spike kissed her forehead. "I know you love me, Buffy. What could you have done that would be so terrible?"

She reached down letting her fingers trace the book she was holding. Then biting her lower lip, she handed it to him. Seemingly unable to handle his reaction, she turned her head so that she was facing the wall. Her arms wrapped around her knees in a protective pose.

Spike's heart was pounding against his chest. He sat on the floor before looking down at the book in his hands. It took only a second for him to realize that it was a journal, and only another moment for him to know that it belonged to his first wife. Buffy had not only read something that was private, she had to have been snooping into Drusilla's closet. He flipped through the pages, recognizing the old-fashioned looping handwriting of Dru. A few words jumped out at him. Hurtful words only because he could hear her voice, so girlish, yet so cruel when she spread her venom.

He carefully put the journal down on the floor between them, before he looked up the woman who shared his life. Once he believed she was innocent, honest, and would only bring him happiness. Suddenly, she wasn't. She betrayed him, going behind his back to find out the secrets he'd been ready to share with her only a few moments before. Now, his confidence in a new beginning for them was evaporating in light of this new information.

"How long have you had this?"

"A few months."

Buffy reached out her hand to him, but Spike ignored it. Almost their entire marriage she'd been lying to him. Their whole marriage had been filled with lies. Just like his first one.

"I can't do it again, Buffy."

"I love you."

"So did she…she said the same thing," he paused, swallowing back the pain. "And she did. Maybe it was twisted…not anything that anyone could understand, but she loved me." He wrapped a lock of her hair around his finger. "I thought you were different…could trust you not to betray me."

"I did it for us," Buffy protested. She shifted to her knees, wrapping a hand around his wrist. "I only wanted to know the truth of what happened to Drusilla. That maybe you wouldn't be so unhappy if you knew who killed her."

"Did you ever think that maybe I already knew?" Spike stood, arm swinging wide as the anger finally reached beyond his pain. "Did you ever think that I don't give a damn, that I'm just glad the bitch is dead?" He took a deep breath, throwing his head back as he tried to regain control of his careening emotions.

He felt her hands on his legs as she knelt before him. Buffy was sobbing, leaning her forehead against his hip. He didn't let the wall slip. Drusilla used tears, sex or money to get what she wanted. Buffy was turning out to be the same. He stepped back, grabbed her wrists before shoving her aside. She caught herself with her hands before her head hit the edge of the tub. Guilt darted through him, but it wasn't enough to stop him. He needed to hurt her as much as he was hurting.

"Have you ever considered that I'm the one who did it?" He squatted next to her so that he could whisper in her ear. "Luv, you better watch it, because you might be next."

* * *

"Fuck you," Buffy screeched at her retreating husband's back. She scrambled to her feet so that she could follow him. "I only lied because you wouldn't talk to me." She caught up to him, grabbing his arm to try to stop him. "You treat me like I'm a little girl or some doll that you can take out and play with when it suits you. You're not the only one who can't take anymore."

William swiftly turned, grabbing her by the shoulders, and forcing her back against the wall so that she couldn't move. She wasn't really frightened. Unless he lost total control, he wouldn't hurt her. She trusted…no, knew him that much. Just like she knew he didn't murder Drusilla. He was too passionate of a man. It was too easy for him to feel remorseful over a bad judgment call, much less a murder. Yet somehow, he'd still loved the treacherous bitch no matter what she'd done. Probably more than he loved Buffy. That was the one thought always echoing through her head and heart even during the best times of their relationship. How could a small town girl compete with a sophisticated beauty like Dru, no matter how evil she was?

"I've always admired the woman you are," Will said, and then chuckled. "No, make that the woman I thought you were."

"Don't do this, Will, please. You know how much I love you even if you're denying it right now. You're scared," Buffy whispered. "I understand, but I'm not Drusilla."

There was a flicker of response in his eyes, but then he immediately shut down again. She wasn't getting through to him. This night could break them apart for good if she didn't tread carefully, but she wasn't ready to let him go. She forced herself to take a calming breath as the heat of his anger fanned over her face. She would find a way to hold onto, not only the man, but also his love.

"Maybe you don't look like her, but you've certainly been acting like the lying bitch. Going behind my back, snooping through things that aren't any of your business."

"Don't." She spoke softly, holding his gaze without fear. "Yes, I lied to you, but I did it because I thought the truth would make things better. We're married Will, anything that concerns you, concerns me. Besides, I know that you didn't murder her. I can't believe that you could be so heartless. Not the man I love."

"Why Buffy? Why do you believe in me so much?" He let go of her to sit on the edge of the bed. "Because you love me? Because you still believe in fairy tales and all that happy ending bullshit?"

Buffy sat beside him, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees so that she was staring at the floor. "I did once…it wasn't so long ago. A man rescued me on the beach, fed me ice cream and swept me off my feet with promises to worship me forever."

"Didn't take very long for you to figure out that your prince was really a toad." Will laughed scathingly as he shook his head.

"No." Buffy took his hand, squeezing it tightly. "Not a toad, but a man. Someone who is real, deep, and caring. I know that anyone who can make love to me so tenderly couldn't be so cold as to murder the woman he loved no matter what she'd done."

"I came up here to tell you the truth. For me to come clean about everything, and I was so excited. Maybe it's me that believes in those happy endings…I thought you were the answer to all my dreams."

"I can't be everything. I'm just a girl."

Will looked up at her with such wonder that it made her insides flip-flop. "No, you're the one. The special woman that only comes along once in a lifetime." He sighed. "Please tell me the truth…about what you read, or found out."

How could she tell him everything? About a baby he never knew existed? Despite his outwardly apparent hatred for his first wife, Buffy knew that a part of him still loved Drusilla deeply. How could she hurt him even more than he'd already been hurt? She sighed, curling her hand around his as she tried to sort through everything that was going on in her mind. Not only was there the fight with her husband but also weighing on her was the possibility of her own pregnancy.

"Only rumors," she finally whispered. "Maybe the truth…the cheating. I didn't read the whole journal. Just bits and pieces, like the nicknames she gave to her lovers. The drug use, and how self absorbed she really was. It made me ache for you…I can't understand how she could do that to someone she professed to love, her husband. It's crazy."

"Her father spoiled her and made her think the universe revolved around her and her wants."

"Why did you have the journal out tonight?"

Buffy smiled. "Because I was going to give it to you, and confess what I'd done."

Will leaned over to press his forehead against hers. "Are you that threatened?"

"Yes. She still has a hold on you. Through the memories you carry, from your relationship with Xander and Cordelia." She hesitated for only a second. "Because you refuse to get rid of her things. You're holding on to her so tightly that sometimes I feel her presence when you hold me or when we have sex."

Suddenly standing, Will went to stare out the sliding glass doors with his hands on his hips. He was angry, but for once, she wasn't afraid of it. She wasn't ready to retreat to get back on his good side and make him happy. It was long past time for them to talk about this, and she was going to see it through.

"I'm sorry." Will turned to look back at Buffy. "I should never have pursued you. You deserve better than to feel second…," he laughed scathingly, "or even third."

"Did you lie about you and Xander?" She suddenly blurted out before she could change her mind. Had Will been having an affair the entire time they'd been married? The guilt shadowing his face made her stomach drop. He didn't answer, but she persisted. "That kiss earlier was more than one of mere friends."

"No, not really," Will said, crossing his arms as he stared out over the city. "We've never…fucked each other, but when there's three people, there's bound to be a lot…touching. Do you want details, Luv?"

"No," Buffy answered. "Are you in love with him?"

"I'm in love with you." He chuckled. "I hate that fact right now, but I do."

Buffy went to him, wrapping her arms around his middle. It took a moment before he relaxed and put his hands on her arms. His fingers caressed her skin with soft strokes. She kissed his shoulder as she garnered the courage to ask the one question she needed to ask. Not that it would make a difference. She already knew the answer. She wanted to hear him say the words. No, she needed to hear him say it, so they could move forward once and all.

"William, did you murder Drusilla or know who did?"

Turning in her arms, he pulled her tight against him. Kissing her forehead first, his lips drifted down the side of her face until he nipped at her earlobe. "Yes, Buffy."

_to be continued…_


	28. Decisive Moment

**Chapter 28 – Decisive Moment**

The sound of the clock ticking in the hallway outside their room was the loudest sound in the cold cavernous place that he called home. It was just a moment in his life, yet Spike could feel everything shift in those few seconds after he confessed to Buffy. He waited, his body tensed for the dark lonely days, which were so characteristic of his life. There was no way Buffy would stay with him. He didn't deserve the light she carried within her soul. After all, he was already condemned to hell. Cast there by the unloving hands of his parents and trained well in the rules by the love of his best friend and former wife.

Spike didn't deserve the hope Buffy gave simply by being herself.

Pride in his debauchery somehow overpowered him. It was a foolish thing, but pride was all he had left. He lifted his chin as he waited in vain. She didn't run away. She didn't look at him as if he were the lowest being that ever existed. Instead, she waited patiently. He wasn't sure if she was hoping that it was a lie, or if she thought, he was playing a joke. It seemed to be a standoff worthy of heaven and hell itself.

"I know," he repeated, shifting his shoulders back in an attempt to be more worthy of her decision.

"Tell me the truth," she demanded finally, taking a step back. "All of it."

"Which parts? The lies and deceptions leading to that night? Do you want to hear details? That while I was working on my book, she was out fucking another man?" Spike turned his head away to stare out the window. He took a deep breath hoping it would keep the tremor from his voice. No weakness. It only led to the place where you were most vulnerable. In his case, it was his heart, it always had been. "Maybe you want to hear about identifying the still warm corpse who was once my wife. " He swung his gaze back to look into his present wife's eyes. "Or maybe how the press and the police were questioning me before I could even comprehend, much less accept, what had happened? What exactly do you want to hear, Buffy?"

"Oh William."

Buffy's voice was full of pity for a man he knew had died when he was still young and dreaming of a life filled with family and love. It made his stomach churn in revulsion. Not because a part of him still wanted it, but because it could never be.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that," she continued. "If I could make the pain go away, I would."

"No, you wouldn't. If you did, we wouldn't be having this conversation. You wouldn't have betrayed me."

It was easier to be defensive. To pretend he was the one who was right, instead of the one who was grasping at the last shreds of his soul.

"Maybe I did betray you." She gingerly sat on the end of the bed with her feet tucked beneath her, while her fingers absently rubbed her forehead. "There's so many things I don't understand…guess I'm just an idiot. I just love you so much," she worried her bottom lip before turning to look at him again.

"I don't think you understand what love is," Spike retorted, his hands fisted on his hips. "Guess I was wrong to marry a kid who wants things her own way."

"Quit making excuses and looking for a way out of this marriage. If you want out just say so."

Yet, he couldn't say it. He didn't want out. His heart demanded that he stay so he stood there looking down at the woman who held heaven in her hands like an oasis in the desert. For a moment, he considered making love to her in hopes that it would make this night disappear from their lives. Inside of her heated, welcoming body, he could feel like the man he wanted to be.

"Please, just tell me who did it." Buffy was staring up at him with hopeful innocence. "You said you know. Tell me."

"Why? So you can leave me with righteous indignation, pointing fingers as you run to the press to ruin me?"

"No. I would never do that to you. All I want is for there to be no more secrets between us. You said you know. Tell me so we can find a way through this together."

It came as a prayer, at first barely heard but louder with each word. "The night Drusilla was murdered, the five of us, me, Xander and Cordy, Giles, and Jenny, were all in my living room, looking at one another and wondering which one of us did it. Giles finally took control." Spike smiled at the memory. Despite the tragedy, it was one time in his life that he felt like he truly belonged. "He did his whole stuffy Englishman routine. The walking around with his hand in his pocket, the cleaning of his glasses before he finally said something."

"What did he say?" Buffy prompted when Spike hesitated in imitation of his friend and mentor. She wasn't as patient as they'd been that night. Lost children looking for direction, or hope, just like Buffy was at this moment.

"Giles looked at each of us, and said that we were the most likely to do it. We had the most reasons, especially me. He told us we were never to confess. Not to each other, to anyone, not even aloud to ourselves. If it were our sin, then the guilt alone would keep us company. To save our asses we were to protect each other, because if one went down then we all would in one way or another. We would never tell our suspicions or anything we might know to each other, the cops, or the press. And we've kept our word to this day."

Buffy hopped off the bed, and pinned him to the spot with eyes blazing. "That's it? You know who murdered Drusilla? No, you don't! You have no idea at all because you're all idiots!" She threw her hands wide. "Did you ever think that your vow of silence was protecting someone else? That maybe none of you did it. Did any of you confess or agree with Giles that you did it."

"It was one of us."

"Was it you?"

"Buffy…don't ask me that, please. I promised that I would never confess if I did, or implicate one of them."

"That's bullshit." Buffy turned away from him, crossing her arms so that he could only see her backside.

Angry and frustrated, Spike grabbed at his hair, pulling at it until it stood up in small thatches. "This isn't the way it's supposed to be," he moaned. "Why? Why? Why is this happening to me?" Suddenly, she was there, wrapping him in her arms.

"It's okay. Shhh, it's all right."

"No," Spike screamed, trying to push her away. He'd thought it was Drusilla for a moment, with her soft cooing way of comforting. It had been a hard lesson, but one he learned quickly. It had only been a lure, so she could strike with the speed of a viper, leaving him filled with her poison. Yet, he always came back for more. "I can't take this…can't do this. She's gone. Don't you understand that? Let it go." His hands clenched unbidden beside him. "I don't give a shit about what happened. She's dead. The world is better off without the conniving bitch and all her bloody selfish whining."

Still she didn't back away from him. He didn't understand why she still held him. Curiosity and wonder made a slight wedge in his overloaded emotions. He inhaled deeply, holding it until she made a move, a gesture, anything to show where this fight was going to head. He was the one who gave first when she moved. He believed she was ready to give up, but he saw her hand, stopped midway to his cheek. Comfort was his if he would only accept it. She waited until he relaxed, and then softly stroked his face until he looked up.

"All right. I won't do anymore digging, but you have to promise me something."

"What?" Immediately he was tense again while he waited for the ultimatum that he knew was coming. Buffy smiled, soft as the rain on a spring morning. Love overflowed from her eyes in a soft stream that made him ache from the wanting. God, he wanted to believe in her and the strength of the love they shared. There were so many scars around his heart that he wasn't even sure if he ever could. Why hadn't Buffy just stayed the sweet innocent he'd first met? Why couldn't she just have been happy to stand on the pedestal he'd put her on? It was so hard to breathe. "What is it you want from me?"

"I just want you…all of you. Not just the parts that you want to give me. Not just the parts that escaped unscathed somehow from your first marriage. I want all of you; heart, body and soul. I want to feel it's just us when we make love. I want us to fight for our dream of the happily ever after. I want us to have a real marriage…a forever thing with _our _house…and babies…and…"

Spike turned from her to stare out the window. How could he tell her that he could never give her what she wanted? Her dream, no, his dream of that kind of forever could never happen. He shrugged his shoulders, unable to form the words that would only cause more unhappiness.

"Please talk to me," Buffy pleaded, pulling on his arm so that he would turn around.

The woman he loved was realizing fairy tales didn't exist. He watched the hope slowly driven from her eyes. Desperation taking its place as the seconds ticked by in silence. His silence. It was an irrefutable fact. Life wasn't fair. She was already familiar with that lesson from the losses she'd suffered. She thought he would bring her dreams to reality and he couldn't do it. Finally her eyes filled with tears as her heart broke.

"Don't you want that too?" Buffy cracked, her voice stumbling over a sob as it welled from deep within. She sounded almost broken. "I said I'd give you what you want. Why? Why can't I have what I want?"

When he didn't answer or even look at her, she pounded on his chest in an effort to storm her way through to his heart. He grabbed her wrist. Twice she'd believed in love and twice she was wrong. One day she would be like him. He swallowed back the rest of his shame, and gave her what she craved.

"Buffy, I don't think I can give you what you want."

"Why not?" She yanked back, but he still held onto her, unwilling to let her go. "You can't or you won't? Why did you marry me? Why, if you didn't really want marriage…a family?"

"I saw you that first morning at breakfast," he whispered, pulling her into his arms. For only a second, she fought him before she gave up and took the comfort that he offered. He played with the silky length of her hair. "You were everything I didn't have anymore. You were light, and purity, and beauty. I was so selfish to take you to my bed…to my home, but I wanted to touch your light so badly. To feel the warmth of the sun for the first time in what seemed like centuries. You gave me hope. I love you. The way you giggle, the way you eat ice cream like it's going out of style, the soft snores in the middle of the night, and god, I love the little noises you make when you cum. That's why I married you."

Buffy tilted her head so that could look up at him. "You don't want our own home, and a family?"

"I do," he closed his eyes so that he couldn't see the disappointment in her eyes. "Luv, I'd love to have babies with you, but…we tried, Dru and me. She never conceived. Not even a flicker of a chance in almost a year. She said she'd been pregnant before me so it had to be me."

"And you believed her? God Will, she lied to you constantly, why the hell would you believe her that time? Plus, she was cheating on you with almost everyone you know, how would you even know if it was your baby?"

"Look, I know I'm a bloody fool, you don't have to tell me again. I just wanted to believe her…I hoped that a child would change her…make her softer. Maybe we would've made it work."

He was crying now, too. Wanting to disappear, he let her go, and he sank to the floor, wrapping his arms around his legs so he could bury his face against his knees. Everything hurt. He was a fool. He knew it, but he'd hoped that somewhere along the way that he could rewrite the past. Like a scene in one of his books that didn't sound right. Just delete a moment here or there, add in something else so the past would be more pleasant and Drusilla would love him the way he'd loved her.

"Will, she had a problem." Buffy knelt beside him. "Nothing you could have done, no amount of love, or a baby could have changed that as long as she didn't want to change. I'm here. I don't want or need anyone else. Why can't you let me love you? Why won't you let go?"

"I want to. I can't. It's me." He finally confessed an echo of what he'd always known. "I was beneath her just like I'm beneath you."

"No, you're not." She pulled him into her arms, and he let her rock him like a mother would a child. He could feel her desperation in the trembling of her hands and the rapid beating of her heart beneath his ear. "We'll find a way through this. I do love you. I want to spend my life with you and if we can we'll have those babies."

It was too much to hope for, but Spike couldn't help but let a little light into his broken soul. He placed a hand on her stomach. It was too wonderful of an idea. All he had to do was trust Buffy and her words of undying love. It was so simple.

Wasn't it?

_to be continued…_


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29 – Changing Courses

William lay in her arms with his head nestled against her breasts. Absently, Buffy played with the riotous curls adorning his head while he slept. A part of her was still angry that her husband wasn't fighting for the truth, but her heart was screaming that her relationship with Spike was more important than the past. Eventually everything would come out. Nothing could remain hidden forever, especially not in Hollywood. She just needed to do what she could to hold onto their marriage.

"You're awake," William mumbled, rubbing her tummy and arching his hips closer to her leg.

"Yeah, I've been awake awhile." Buffy smiled in the semi-darkness of the room. They'd had the forethought to close the curtains some time in the moments of getting into bed. Otherwise, the creeping dawn would have kept them awake. Her hand drifted along William's back. "You okay?"

"Fine, pet, fine."

"I heard Tara downstairs, but I didn't want to disturb you."

William lifted his head, arching one eyebrow while a grin stretched slowly across his face. "So, no shagging this morning?"

"Nope." After everything they'd gone through in the last twenty-fours, it didn't seem right that he would want sex. No more talking or planning, no apologies for his friends, just 'let's get back to our old routine'. She wondered if he thought it would go away if they never talked about Drusilla again. Slipping from his arms, she realized that William would definitely think that way. Pushing it away was the way he dealt with everything unpleasant in his life. "Sleep longer if you want to, I'll go down and spend some time with Tara."

William nodded, flipping onto his back and putting his hands behind his head. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Buffy said, picking her robe up off the chair. She smiled. "Get used to it, buddy. It's not going anywhere."

"Thank you."

They held each other's gaze for a few seconds before she waved and headed for the downstairs. Her mind was already making a list of the things she needed to do. The first priority was finding out if she was pregnant or not. If so, it would change everything in their lives. Maybe it would be the catalyst Spike needed to make her and their family a priority. At least, she hoped it would be, since she promised that she wouldn't snoop anymore…a decision she hoped she wouldn't regret.

Tara was sitting on the living room couch with her feet tucked beneath her bottom. She was holding a steaming cup of something, most likely tea, while she read the newspaper. Tara's presence almost made everything happening with her husband and his pals seem like a horrible nightmare that didn't really exist. A surreal dream, barely remembered in the waking hours.

"Good morning," Buffy said, taking a seat in the chair near her friend. "Did you sleep well?"

"Better than you," Tara turned so she was facing Buffy. "Is everything all right?"

"You heard us fighting?" Buffy didn't need an answer as she stared down at her hands. She was embarrassed at all that had occurred in front of Tara. The spectacle of Xander kissing her husband, the fight afterwards, and even her knowing everything about the marriage that was supposed to be a fairy tale come true. "I'm sorry that I dragged you into the middle of my life."

"Isn't that what friends are for?"

Tara's tone was gentle, and compassionate, but it only made Buffy feel worse.

She was still a newlywed. This should be a time of happiness and endless passion. Instead, it was a game of cat and mouse with her husband's best friend. Xander was doing everything he could to drive her away from William. Buffy was almost tempted to run away before things got any more complicated. It would be a relief to be out of the limelight and give up fighting for the love of her husband, much less worry about a baby she wasn't even sure she was carrying.

"You've been the best friend I've ever had," Buffy said honestly. She chuckled. "I don't think my mother could have handled this life I'm living. She would freak out about the money we spend, the parties we go to, and the whole thing." Buffy waved her hand in the air. "It's good to have someone to talk to that's real."

"I'll say thank you since I'm assuming that's a compliment."

"Of course it is." Buffy played with the hem of her robe. "I need to find an ob/gyn." She lowered her voice after a glance upstairs. "I might be pregnant."

"Oh Buffy, that's wonderful."

Looking back up at her friend, Buffy was elated to see that Tara's enthusiasm was genuine. It made her relax enough to let a little joy infuse with the thought of actually being pregnant. Her hand rested on her lower stomach as her smile grew. She could be carrying a child created in a love that couldn't be denied. No matter how many people wanted it to go away. There was no way William would let anyone or anything hurt his child. Of this much Buffy was certain.

* * *

Xander groaned. Everything hurt.

"Here." Cordelia's voice ripped into his head like a dull knife cutting his brain into tiny pieces. "Xander." This time it was an order, and he forced his eyes open. She was standing over him with a glass he was sure was filled with liquor and in her hand a nice little pain pill that would make the day a little easier to accept.

"Thanks baby."

Cordelia sat on the edge of the bed. As always, she was immaculately groomed and dressed in an Anne Klein outfit. After all these years, he still wasn't sure how she managed to be able to look so gorgeous and function so well even when she hadn't gotten to bed until four am.

"Stay home today," Cordelia ordered, taking back the glass he drained of every drop of vodka. "You look like shit and we can't afford any talk concerning us."

"Yes, ma'am."

Xander didn't really want to go anywhere anyway. He slid further down on the silk sheets and leaned his head on one hand that rested on his pillow. Staying in bed sounded like an excellent idea. The previous evening hadn't gone as he'd wanted. Spike just wasn't letting go of the little brat he'd married. Xander just didn't understand why, but he wasn't ready to give up yet. He just needed to formulate a new plan. A day in bed would give him the opportunity to do just that.

Cordelia pointed at him, shaking it in admonishment. "Don't call Spike either. It will just make you look clingy and uncertain about what you did. Let him stew for a couple of days." She smiled demurely. "He'll call you. He always does."

Xander grabbed her hand, kissing the palm to let her know how much he appreciated her advice. "You're right." He sighed, and then added with a whine. "I just wish that little bitch would go away for good. Playing friends with her didn't help."

"Have dinner with me tonight and we'll figure something out." Before Xander could respond, Cordelia's cell phone rang. They both looked at it, and one perfect brow on her face rose in confusion. "Hello?" She pointed at the phone and mouthed, "Buffy" to him.

Xander sat up again, leaning close, hoping to overhear some of what Buffy was saying.

"Of course," Cordelia said. "Hold on for just one second."

She stood and headed for the dresser where her date book rested on top. Flipping through the pages, Cordelia murmured a few noises of agreement and compassion. "Here it is. You ready, Buffy?" A slight pause and then she continued. "Her name is Willow Rosenberg and her number is 555-2121. Let the person who answers know that you're a friend of mine and they'll get you in right away."

"What the hell was that about?" Xander asked. He was sitting up and impatient to hear why Buffy wanted the name of Cordelia's gynecologist. A sick feeling went through him. "Oh my god, please tell me she's not knocked up."

"She says it's because she needs to get on the pill," Cordelia said, crossing her arms with one toe pointed. She shrugged. "I don't know if she was telling the truth, but don't worry. I'll call later today and ask Harmony what it was all about."

"Call me as soon as you know," Xander said, crashing back against his pillow.

If Buffy had managed to get pregnant, then there would no way he'd ever break them up. Unless, of course, she had an accident. Maybe fell down those steep stairs in their penthouse.

"Stop making plans," Cordelia whispered, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. "We don't know yet. Could be she has a nasty case of VD or something. Tonight we'll make some decisions and figure out how to get our Spikey back to our side."

Xander squeezed her breast as he felt his cock stir in excited anticipation. God, he loved his wife. She was an amazing woman and he was lucky to have gotten her to marry him. One day, he assured himself, one day he would share a bed with Cordelia and Spike. His life would be complete, and he would finally be happy. Yes, it would happen. He was sure of that as long as Cordelia was on his side.

* * *

"Did she buy it?" Tara asked.

"I doubt it," Buffy said, turning to her friend. They were sitting on the terrace where they had some privacy from prying ears. Although, Will was still in bed, she didn't want to risk him overhearing. "She's probably running through all the scenarios right now. I have to tell Will today, one way or another, because if I don't then she'll make sure he'll know about it. Wish me luck on getting an appointment."

Tara squeezed her hand while she dialed the number for Dr. Rosenberg's office. If nothing else then she could be confident that Cordelia would give her the name of someone who was discreet with information. Cordelia wouldn't let just anyone be privy to the most intimate details of her life.

"Dr. Rosenberg's office. This is Harmony, how may I help you?"

"Yes, this is Mrs. Nagle. I wanted to make an appointment as soon as possible."

"Let me get your chart. Hold on, please."

Buffy tried to tell the young woman she wouldn't find a chart for her in the files, but Harmony was already gone. She tapped her fingernails on the table while she waited for the receptionist to return. Any moment Will could come out and then she would have to tell him before she was ready.

"Mrs. Nagle," Harmony said, coming back on the line. "It's been awhile since you've been to see us." Buffy heard paper rustling. "How is the baby? He must be getting big."

"Baby? I've never been to see Dr. Rosenberg before," Buffy protested, and then froze as she realized what Harmony had done. She must have pulled Drusilla's chart. "I'm sorry – you must be talking about my husband's first wife. I'm Buffy Nagle."

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry," Harmony said. "You should have said so before I got the chart."

"I'm sorry," Buffy said, rolling her eyes. She wanted to snap that she wasn't given a chance, but she didn't want to make Harmony angry until after she got an appointment. "Cordelia Chase Harris suggested I call. I need to see a doctor right away."

"Of course. Dr. Rosenberg is quite busy, but let me see what I can do for you." The sound of clicking keys came through the receiver. "Mrs. Nagle, there was a cancellation this morning. Can you be here in an hour?"

"Yes, yes, I can," Buffy rushed out before the offer could be taken away. "Where are you located?"

She carefully wrote the directions down before hanging up the phone. Relief and worry were fighting for domination of the stronger emotion. She rubbed her forehead, and then sighed. At least in a couple of hours she would know for sure if she was pregnant or not. She only prayed that she was, because it would seal her marriage to Will. He would be ecstatic to find out he was going to be a Daddy.

If she wasn't, she would still have to tell him about the doctor's visit and the reason why she went. Maybe if she wasn't, then she could talk him into trying. Perhaps even persuade to go to the doctor himself to prove that he was capable of fathering a child even if he wasn't ready to try. Shaking her head, she stood. _One thing at a time, _she told herself. No reason to plan the entire war when she only needed to get through this battle.

"I have an appointment in an hour," Buffy said, looking down at her friend. "Will you go with me?"

"Yes, of course I will," Tara said, nodding.

At least, she wouldn't have to go it alone. Buffy headed back into the house to tell Will she had to go out. She only hoped he wouldn't ask too many questions. 'No more lies' was the promise, and she would keep it even if she wasn't totally forthcoming with the truth. A technicality she wasn't very comfortable with, but one that was necessary for her to figure out how to proceed.

_to be continued…_


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30 – Truths

Buffy hated hospitals.

When she was a child, her playmate died while recovering from the flu in a pediatric ward. Her intense dislike carried over to doctors. The coldness, the inhuman approach to examinations, and the feeling of exposing oneself to a near stranger only added to the feeling. Those deeply seated reasons were why Buffy had brought Tara along with her to the appointment with Dr. Rosenberg.

She pushed aside the hem of the robe so she could scratch at her knee. It was a relief that she didn't have to wear a paper gown. It was just one of the signs showing the doctor cared about the comfort of her patients. The examination room wasn't the typical cold and sterile environment of most. A couple of pillows were on the bench in the corner and there were wicker baskets for the used gowns and for the trash. Of course, some things couldn't be friendly no matter how you dressed them up.

Leaving her knee alone, Buffy played with the end of a stirrup still tucked into the table. It clacked against the metal and she swung her legs in time with the noise. Her actions made Tara giggle. Buffy glanced up at her friend and smiled.

"Hey, anything to make the nervousness go away," Buffy said. "I'm just glad that Harmony is only the receptionist. If she'd turned out to be the nurse to take my vitals, I think I would have run."

"You wouldn't have had a chance," Tara agreed, with a slight roll of her eyes. "I would have dragged you out of here." She shuddered. "She was scaring me with all her talk about you being the new Mrs. Nagle and how much Drusilla was missed."

"If Dr. Rosenberg is anything like her office help, I'll find someone else."

The only thing she needed today was the answer to the pregnancy question. After that, she could find someone else to take her through to term, and if she wasn't then she had all the time needed to find someone she liked.

"Hello," a cheerful voice said from around the opening door. The next second a petite redhead appeared. She smiled at Buffy, and gave another hello to Tara. Buffy relaxed a little at the doctor's friendly demeanor. In her arms, the doctor carried a chart that she put down on the counter. "How are you doing today, Buffy?"

"I'm okay, Dr. Rosenberg."

"Please, call me Willow," the doctor said with a wave of her hand and a broad smile.

"All right, Willow," Buffy said, relaxing a little bit more under the doctor's warm gaze. Despite where the recommendation had come from, she felt that Willow was very different from the snobs who were some of her clientele. "This is my friend, Tara." Buffy added, nodding toward her friend.

"Nice to meet you," Willow said, casting another smile toward Tara. There was no indication that she didn't approve of the visitor. Instead, Willow leaned against the counter, opening the file to scan for information before looking back up at Buffy. "So you came to find out if you were pregnant?"

"Yeah, I've skipped a period, and that's not usual for me."

"Did you take a home pregnancy test?"

Buffy shook her head. It had never occurred to her to buy one. She felt like an idiot. "I, no, I didn't even think about it."

"That's fine," Dr. Rosenberg said. She patted Buffy's hand. "Not everything is accurate and a physical as well as a blood test are still the most effective ways of positively detecting pregnancy. What do you say to getting all the necessary stuff out of the way?"

Willow spent the next few minutes doing a routine physical examination; listening to Buffy's heart and lungs, a breast exam and then the dreaded pelvic. Tara held her hand all the way through it to give her support, while Willow kept up a running conversation about the news, weather, and Hollywood gossip. Buffy knew the inane talk was meant to help her deal with the embarrassment and nerves. It made her appreciate the doctor even more.

"Okay, sit up," Dr. Rosenberg said, slipping off her gloves. She smiled, her eyes twinkling in delight as she continued, "From the pregnancy test and the physical, I can say without a doubt that you're pregnant, Buffy. I hope this is a happy event for you."

"Oh my god," Buffy squealed, her hand immediately going to her lower belly. "I'm having a baby." She bounced, reaching out to hug Tara. "I'm going to be a mommy."

"Congratulations," Tara said, squeezing her hard.

"It's always good to see someone so happy to be pregnant," Dr. Rosenberg said, reaching for the chart to make notations.

"I know Drusilla wasn't," Buffy said, looking down and clutching her hands together. "Poor Will is going to be so happy about this, or at least I hope he will be."

Dr. Rosenberg covered her hands with one of her own small ones. "Don't let the past get in the way of your happiness. Maybe it wasn't the time for them to have children, and that's the reason he didn't want Dru to take the baby to term."

"What?" Buffy exclaimed, her brow furrowing in confusion. "She was going to have an abortion?"

"Oh dear, I've said something I shouldn't have," Dr. Rosenberg stood, her face flushed. "It was wrong of me…I just thought that…well because of what you said, I thought you were worried your husband didn't want this child."

"No, no," Buffy said, turning to look at the wall as the tears filled her eyes. An innocent life was gone; a life that its father never knew existed. If Will had even been the father of Drusilla's child. "It's one of the few things that doesn't worry me. He'll want this child," Buffy said with enough determination to convince even herself.

Dr. Rosenberg look confused for a moment, and then finally said, "Good. I'm glad to hear that. It will make things much easier for you to have his full support during the pregnancy."

"Drusilla was wrong," Buffy grabbed Willow's hand. "I don't know everything, but I do know that Will didn't know the child existed. He would never…," Buffy wiped at her face with the back of her free hand. "I don't understand how, I mean how could she just destroy a life like that? A baby her husband would have wanted no matter what she said."

"Don't upset yourself," Willow said, squeezing her hand. "It's not good for you. I'm going to have the nurse bring in some pamphlets on early pregnancy and I'll write you a prescription for prenatal vitamins. If you want to find someone else under the circumstances I understand, but I would love to have you for a patient."

"Thank you for your help," Buffy said, sliding off the table. "And I'll be back. You were really nice and understanding, especially about having a friend with me."

"You're not the only patient who doesn't like to be alone and wants a little moral support," Willow said, opening the door. "It's something you and the first Mrs. Nagle have in common."

Buffy stood stunned, unable to move as she realized what Willow's last comment meant. There were only two women Drusilla would have trusted enough to take to the doctor. Jenny or Cordelia. And she'd bet everything she had that it was Cordelia.

"Don't, Buffy," Tara said, with a touch of admonishment to her voice. "You promised Will you wouldn't dig around anymore. Let it go. Just be happy that you're pregnant, and I just know this will be what brings Will around. Drusilla is gone."

"I know," Buffy said, sighing as she reached for her clothes.

And she did know, but a part of her didn't want to let it go. She was angry for her husband even if he had no clue what was going on. It wasn't right that he wasn't given a choice about the baby. Maybe Drusilla knew it wasn't Will's child, and that was why she was planning an abortion. Or maybe it hadn't mattered who the father was, only that she didn't want to be a mother. Her hand covered her stomach again as she wondered how anyone couldn't want a baby with the man they loved.

Buffy promised herself and her baby that she would only do what was best for them and Will. No one or nothing else was going to come between them. She smiled at Tara.

"You're right and I intend to keep my promise. This baby is going to come first no matter what. The past is over with and Will and I have a promising future together with our baby. I can't wait to tell him the news."

Pushing all the questions and doubts aside, Buffy allowed a bubble of happiness to engulf her in its soft prism of joy. She thought about holding her child, Spike's joy and happiness when he held their baby for the first time, and she even allowed herself to think about decorating a nursery and what theme she'd like for her baby. She smiled at nothing in particular on the ride home from the doctor.

Suddenly her phone rang, startling both Tara and her, and she quickly rummaged through her purse to find it. Buffy groaned when she saw it was Cordelia, but answered it anyway with a terse hello.

"How did your doctor visit go?" Cordelia asked in a concerned voice that didn't do anything but make Buffy suspicious.

"Everything's fine," Buffy said, with as much cheeriness she could muster for the other woman. "Thank you for the recommendation. Dr. Rosenberg is wonderful."

"Look, I know you're on the way home, but I was wondering if you could come by my house first. Spike left his jacket here the other day and I thought you'd like to take it to him."

"I'm kind of in a hurry. Can it wait?"

"No, I really think you should come now," Cordelia said. "Or I could call and talk to Spike."

"About the jacket?"

"Don't be obtuse, Buffy," Cordelia said in an exasperated tone. "You and I need to talk about a few things. We may as well get it over with now or Spike could find out some things you wouldn't want him to learn."

"Will and I don't have any secrets," Buffy said, trying to bluff so she wouldn't have to face Cordelia until after Will knew about the pregnancy. Despite the certainty or hopefulness of Cordy not knowing anything that could put her and Will's relationship in jeopardy coldness curled in Buffy's stomach. She didn't want to take the chance of losing him when everything was finally within reach.

"Bullshit. Get your ass over here now or I'll make sure your marriage is over. Who the hell is your precious Will going to believe? You or me?"

Buffy closed her eyes as Cordelia hung up on her. She could bluff, pray and bargain, but she wasn't sure that Will would choose her over the others. Her former joy was replaced with a sick feeling, and tears sprang to her eyes. She quickly explained to Tara what the other end of the conversation entailed, and then asked to be taken the Harris's house.

"Don't listen to that bitch. You know he would choose you," Tara said, pulling into a parking lot so she could turn around. "Don't doubt his love for you, and the strength of truth is on your side."

to be continued...


	31. Standing Ground

Chapter 31

The room Cordelia ushered Buffy into was the couple's inner sanctum. It was obvious that this was where they felt comfortable enough to take off their public masks. One entire wall was dedicated to expensive electronics in the newest models. A bar occupied another wall while the middle of the floor held large pieces of furniture with thick cushions that a person could sink into for a nap or hours of watching the huge television.

Buffy took it all in before perching on a barstool. She didn't want to be at a disadvantage by being too comfortable. Cordelia didn't say anything about her choice, but instead strode behind the bar.

"Would you like a drink?" Cordelia asked, picking up a decanter filled with a clear liquid. "Oh, that's right." She snapped her fingers. "You're knocked up so I guess alcohol is out of the question."

"Do you have some juice or something?" Buffy gave a bright smile as if she had no clue what Cordy was trying to do. "You're right; I do want to take care of William's baby in every way possible."

Cordelia didn't say anything, but her face showed her displeasure in the thinning of her lips and the narrowing of her eyes. Rage displayed every beginning line on Cordy's thirty something face. Lines usually hidden by makeup expertly applied to enhance the brunette's beauty and hide her age. Buffy almost felt sorry for Cordelia's fear of losing her status both in public's eye and with the close-knit people she considered family.

Whatever sympathy she might have disappeared as Cordelia displayed her anger by jerking open the refrigerator to yank out a carton of orange juice. She slammed it down on the bar then reached for a glass that received the same treatment before being filled. Juice splashed out as the glass was shoved across the bar toward Buffy.

"Thank you," Buffy said, picking up the glass to take a sip. "So, about Will's jacket?"

"Don't toy with me." Cordelia slammed the refrigerator door shut making the contents rattle and crash before becoming still. Tension filled the small space between the two women with Cordy staring daggers into Buffy. She waved a hand in the air. "This has nothing to do with a damn jacket."

"Okay, enough with the small talk then," Buffy, said with a shrug. She wasn't going to be intimidated. The baby she carried needed her to be stronger then she'd ever been in her life. "Why don't you just say what you _feel_ you have to say?"

Of course, Cordelia had to try to take back control of the situation. After all, she was the one who'd called this meeting. Buffy watched her pick up her drink, and walk slowly over to a chair to take a seat. Every movement the brunette made was deliberate and predatory.

For a brief moment, Buffy wondered what it would have been like to watch Drusilla and Cordelia interact, if they constantly vied for the most attention or if they moved in sync. No wonder Xander had wanted them both. Two vapid whores for the price of one. A brief smile crossed Buffy's face, but just as rapidly as it appeared, she bit her lip to hide it.

"All right, Buffy," Cordelia started, but then she paused. She took a sip of her drink while looking Buffy over from head to foot. "I now you're pregnant and that you think William is going to be all gaga over his impending fatherhood. He won't though. Parenthood is the last thing he wants right now."

"And I think you're wrong." Please, please be wrong, Buffy prayed to herself. She tried very hard to keep any emotion from her expression. If she could help it, she wouldn't show any weakness to the cobra waiting to strike. "Will has told me he wants children."

"He lied to you." With precise movements, Cordelia put her glass on the side table. "Spike has always lived for himself, for fun, and a child would only interfere with that desire."

"No, that isn't what he wants," Buffy said. "It's what you and Xander are trying to convince him that he wants. Once he hears about this child, he'll be ecstatic." She covered her stomach with a possessive hand. "There won't be any room for the two of you in his life. Not if you're not supportive of our new life."

Cordelia laughed, throwing her head back, and letting it erupt from her belly. Cruelty underlined every note as it resounded around the room. Buffy put her shoulders back, lifting her chin in the air, but couldn't stop the flush that flooded her face. She realized that coming here was a mistake. For all her bluster about finding out the truth and protecting her family, in the end she wasn't anything but a little girl playing grown up. She wanted to run to her husband. Beg him to make it all better and banish the bad children from the playground.

Except she was here with a woman who was more evil than anyone Buffy had ever met before. A woman intent on doing her and her child harm if she could get away with it. Buffy didn't have a choice but to stand her ground and figure out a way to get out of here without any more damage.

"Please," Cordelia said, covering her mouth with her hand. "Do you really believe that? Spike is going to settle for some whimpering female and her brat forever? I don't think so. Especially after this movie is made and he is the hottest property in Hollywood. With his looks, he already can get any female he wants, but after that he'll be fighting them off. Why would he even look at you?"

"Because I love him," Buffy declared. "It doesn't matter if he's poor or rich, famous or just the guy next door. I believe in him, his soul, his heart and I will for all time, and not just for the next good time."

"You have no clue about life," Cordelia sneered. "Spike feels guilty so he went to find a good girl who won't ask too many questions. Who'll do as she's told. He'll get tired of you soon enough. There are too many good times ahead for him…with us, to waste the rest of his life with you."

It was Buffy's turn to laugh. "You don't know me at all, do you? It's really funny, but I know more about you, your husband, and Drusilla than Will probably does."

"Like what?"

Buffy giggled. She could have sworn she saw Cordelia squirm. "Like a lot of things."

"You don't know shit." Cordelia picked up drink, drained the glass before standing to head for the bar. "There isn't anything you could possibly know that could do anything to our relationship with Spike. We've played nice long enough. Xander is miserable because of you. That I won't tolerate." She put her hands on the bar to lean closer to Buffy. "You think you can protect your marriage and the brat you're carrying, but I _know_ that Xander will always come first with Spike. They've been together for almost as long as you've been alive, little girl. You're just a diversion for Spike. It won't last."

"All you want to do is throw empty threats around." Buffy headed out of the room. "I don't have time for this, because my husband and I are going to celebrate." She pulled open the door, turning to look Cordelia in the eye. "And I do know a few things that might change Will's opinion that you act in his best interest." She lifted a hand. "Like that you knew Drusilla was pregnant and she was planning an abortion right before she died."

"Yeah, Drusilla knew what you refuse to see," Cordelia said, leaning forward with her elbow on her knee. "What I know, too. It's a truth you won't accept. Spike won't want this child. It will be an albatross around his neck while you see it as a way to hold onto your man. Grow up, terminate this pregnancy or you'll regret it."

"I don't believe you," Buffy said, rubbing her hands along her upper arms to try to force away the chill creeping its way through her body. She wanted to be anywhere but at the Harris's house. "I know this child will be loved by Will. It will be the start of a new life for us. A life of happiness and hope. A life that won't include all the things that are bringing Will down."

"Well, continue with your little fantasy, but when Spike feels trapped, don't come running to me."

"Believe me," Buffy said, standing up. "I will never come to you for anything."

Buffy didn't wait for a reply or even an expression from Cordelia. It was over as far as she was concerned. She didn't have any doubts about who Will would choose in the end. One day in the not so distant future, Xander and Cordelia would only be a memory for her family. She hurried to the foyer of the large house where Tara was waiting for her.

"Let's get out of here," Buffy said, grimacing. "I should have listened to you and not come here."

"Are you all right?"

Buffy didn't answer until they were both in the car and heading down the driveway. "I'm all right now that I'm out of that snake's den. Cordelia is a bitch. She's threatening to take Will away from me. And saying that he won't want the baby."

"You don't believe her, do you?"

"No, or at least I'm trying to convince myself I don't." Buffy shuddered. "She said that Xander is the one William really loves and will end up with him eventually."

"What about her? I mean if Will does love Xander," Tara said, pulling onto the main road leading back to Sanctuary. "Doesn't that leave her without anyone?"

"I don't know," Buffy replied, staring out the window. "With them, I guess. Not very many morals in that crowd."

Both lapsed into silence until they pulled into the front of Buffy's building. "I wish you didn't have to return to Sunnydale," Buffy said, opening the car door. "It's been great to have you here. I didn't feel quite so alone."

"I know." Tara pulled Buffy into a hug. "I've felt needed for the first time in forever. We'll keep in touch, but you're really starting a new life and I'll be the old maid friend."

"Never," Buffy, and added with a smile. "And not if Doyle has anything to say about it."

Tara blushed. "We'll have to see if he calls me again. There's a lot of distance between LA and home."

"Not really."

Buffy hugged Tara again, before hurriedly jumping out. She gave one last wave as Tara drove away. It was time to tell William the good news as she almost skipped through the lobby to the elevator.

_to be continued…_


	32. Finding Home

**Chapter 32**

It couldn't be true. There was no way Cordelia would keep it a secret from him. They were partners in everything. She knew how he felt, so why would she hurt him by lying? Yet Buffy and Cordelia both spoke of a baby as if it was real. Like Drusilla was pregnant with Spike's or his baby. Something the two men wanted, a family to take the place of the one lacking in their own childhoods.

The closing of the front door brought him from his hiding place in the hall bathroom. He needed to know, needed Cordelia to soothe away the slicing pain. Shaking, Xander somehow made his way to his wife. She was leaning on the bar with her head bowed. She didn't acknowledge him.

"Cordy?"

"What Xander?"

With obvious exasperation, Cordy stood straight. She met his eyes with a coldness that sent a shiver down his spine. His wife wasn't happy. She didn't want to talk. He knew all the signals, but he needed to know the truth. He felt like he was going to throw up.

"Is, no, was Drusilla pregnant? Did you know?"

Cordelia answered him with a caustic laugh. "What difference does it make now? She's dead. It's dead."

"Oh god, it's true then?"

"Stop your sniveling. Did you really think it was your baby? Dru had no clue who the father was and could have cared less about the brat."

"It could have been my child or…or Spike's. The baby would have been wanted. We would have been a family."

Rolling her eyes, Cordelia stepped closer to him. "The three of you? Oh, excuse me, the four of you. A little happy suburban family…two daddies and one mommy. You make me sick because none of you could have handled it. Drusilla hated the mere thought of being pregnant much less ever giving birth. Why the hell am I even married to you? If you could knock Spike up, you would…why don't you go try?"

In a blind rage, Xander backhanded his wife. She flew back against the bar, her head snapping so the heavy cloud of hair covered her face. He grabbed her by it, pulling her toward him. She cried out in fear, but he ignored it as he shoved her to the floor.

All of his dreams were lost to him.

* * *

The study door was shut.

A silent signal from Will that he needed privacy. Buffy pressed her ear to the door anyway, hoping somehow that her husband would know she was there and let her in. She could hear him talking to someone. There was only the sound of his voice so he must be on the phone.

Buffy sighed in frustration.

Why couldn't he be available? She wanted to share the biggest thing to happen to their marriage, but once again, he wasn't available. Crossing her arms, she headed for the terrace. Maybe a little fresh air would help her to find some patience. Will couldn't help being busy, she told herself. It was a major production getting his book to the big screen. There was a lot of details to be worked out, decisions to be made and Will wanted to be involved as much as they would let him.

It was all for their future. At least Will had ambition, wanting more for both of them, which would only enable them to give more to their baby. Smiling, Buffy placed her hand on her belly. A little life was growing inside of her body. She just knew this was going to be what turned their lives around.

No longer would anyone else matter but their child and finally she would be a priority to her husband. Damn him and his pact. Never again would she have to fear losing her husband. She leaned against the ledge, watching the cars pass by below, allowing herself to dream of a house in a nice neighborhood. Some where her child would be safe to play outside in a big yard.

One day maybe there would be other babies for them. Buffy allowed the daydream to unwind with all the secret longings she held in her heart. The need for love and family leading the way to everything she hoped their future would hold. Cordelia's threats faded away to a hazy place in the back of her mind.

"Hello Luv," Will's warm voice broke through her fantasizing even as his arms encircled her waist from behind. "Have you been home long?"

"Not too long," Buffy said, totally content that he was holding her. She leaned back against him, petting his arms with slow strokes. "Everything okay with the movie?"

"Yeah, they're working on getting the cast together and starting tentative scheduling for shooting." Will kissed her neck. "Everything is fine. Did you get your errands all done?"

Buffy turned in his arms, smiling up at him. "Yep, do you want to know what I was doing?"

"Maybe you should just start at how much it cost me?"

"Um, lots and lots, or at least it will," Buffy teased, unable to resist, she kissed the corner of his mouth. He didn't turn away her invitation. Gathering her closer to him, he took possession of her mouth. She dug her fingers into his hair to pull him closer. Their tongues met, retreated and danced in a familiar way, which usually led to the bedroom or the closest surface, but this time she pulled away. She didn't want to wait to tell him. "I've got something to tell you."

"Word games? Now?" Will growled in a playful way. "I've missed you all day and I want to show you how much I love you." He cupped her ass to pull her back to him.

"Yeah, yeah, I get the message," Buffy said, with a giggle. "Let me whisper something in your ear and then I'm all yours."

"Promise?"

"Spike!" Xander's voice spilled out of the doors from inside the penthouse. "Spike, where are you?"

"Just great," Buffy muttered, stepping away from Will's arms. "Go see what he wants and get rid of him."

"Buffy?" Will looked down at her in surprise.

"I need to talk to you…now," Buffy emphasized, hands on her hips. "You get rid of him or I'll tell him myself."

"Damn it, man, where the fuck are you?"

"We're on the terrace," Will called out before leaning down to kiss Buffy's cheek. "I'll get rid of him as soon as possible."

Buffy rolled her eyes.

"I promise, pet."

Buffy gasped when Xander stepped out onto the patio. There were scratch marks down his cheek, but it was his eyes that made her wary. They were wild, never focusing as he looked at her and then Will before looking down at the cement beneath his feet. His body shook while his hands were fisted at his sides. This wasn't the Alexander Harris who was always on for the people around him.

Xander lifted his head to stare at Will. Tears were streaming down his face as he held his hand out to his friend. There was something horribly wrong and for the first time Buffy felt something akin to compassion for Xander.

"What's wrong?" Will asked, hurrying to Xander's side.

"She lied to me," Xander said, sidestepping Will's approach to come closer to Buffy. He pointed a finger at her. "If it wasn't for you, this never would have happened. I told you to go away, but you wouldn't."

He towered over Buffy making her shrink back in fear. She hit the terrace wall behind her, grabbing the edge to steady herself. "Xander, I don't know what happened, but maybe there's something we can do to help," Buffy said, in a low soothing voice. Alarms were going off in every part of her body despite whatever sympathy she felt for the man.

"There is nothing you could possible do to help me now," Xander snarled. "Don't you get it? It's too fucking late."

"Xander, pet," Will said, pulling Xander by his arm to get him away from Buffy. "Come on; let's talk…just you and me. We'll fix it."

"No," Xander pushed Will away from him before turning to kick a chair. "There is no fixing it. Your bitch has ruined everything."

Buffy edged down the wall until she could get behind Will. It was safer there, with her husband between her and Xander. She moved far enough to the side so she could still watch Xander.

"Don't," Will said, with a slight chuckle. "How could Buffy do anything?"

"She knew and she lied to both of us," Xander said, choking on a sob. "It's gone and we never even had a chance."

A cold feeling settled in the pit of her stomach. Somehow Xander had found out something she hadn't told Will. He was going to mess up everything just when happiness was finally so close. It wasn't fair; she wanted to scream at both of them. She couldn't lose. Not again.

"What's gone?" Will asked.

"Xander," Buffy said cautiously. "Let's talk."

"You can go to fucking hell," Xander screamed, trying to reach around Will to Buffy. "I knew you were going to cause problems from the first day he brought you home. All so sweet and innocent and you're nothing more than a lying, conniving gold digger who couldn't stop until everything was destroyed."

"Stop it, Xander," Will demanded. "There is no way Buffy could do anything like that."

"Oh please, she's been sneaking around, digging into our past. She's lied to you and to me about it."

"I know," Will said. "We talked about it last night. She came clean and promised to leave things alone. I forgave her."

"She came clean…about everything?" Xander scoffed. He stared straight at Buffy. "So, she told you about the baby?"

Will froze while Buffy covered her mouth with her hand. She could feel her face draining of all color. She swayed on her feet while a hundred scenarios ran through her mind to explain how Xander had found about her pregnancy before Will did. None of them came out too well. The future was shattering into pieces.

"What baby?" Will furrowed his brows turning to look at Buffy with a puzzled expression. "Buffy, what is he talking about?"

"Will, I was trying to tell you…"

"Drusilla's baby," Xander said over Buffy's feeble attempt at an explanation. "Drusilla was pregnant when she died. Your wife found out about it. She told you since she came clean, right?"

"Oh my god," Will muttered. "How did you find out? Are you sure?"

Buffy hesitated, trying to come to grips with the truth Xander had just spilled.

"Bloody hell, tell me how?" Will shook Buffy by the shoulders.

"It was an accident," Buffy cried, holding onto Will's waist. "I was just trying to find out the truth of who murdered her and someone told me that it was discovered in the autopsy. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but…"

"But what…you lied to me again. What else haven't you told me?"

"Please Will," Buffy begged. "Give me a chance to explain. You promised we would talk."

Xander would twist the truth to make Buffy look bad. She had to talk to her husband first. Tell him everything, including about their baby. Xander had to know about that since the only way he could have found out about Drusilla's pregnancy was from Cordelia. Everything was unraveling.

"Why? So you can lie to me some more?"

"No, no I promise," Buffy said, trying to keep Will's attention on her, but he was looking at Xander who was now openly crying. "Will, please."

"Leave him alone," Xander demanded, trying to push Buffy away but Will was in the way. "It's all gone…everything is gone and it's your fault."

"Shut up," Buffy snapped. "Why don't you just go home to your wife and leave us alone?"

"I can't," Xander said, stepping back. "She knew about the baby."

"What? Cordy knew Dru was pregnant. Why didn't she tell us?" Will ran his hands through his hair, ruffling it until it stood on end. "I don't understand. Why?"

"Because Dru didn't know who the baby belonged to," Buffy said. "She was going to get rid of it." All of a sudden she was tired of the lies, the games and the secrecy. "But she was murdered first."

Xander reached for the wall of the terrace, bending over as he threw up, barely missing his feet. He was trembling as he wiped his mouth and tried to stand erect again. "It was our baby," he whispered. "Mine and Spike's," he grinned. "It wouldn't have mattered who actually fathered it. We would have been a family."

"You're sick," Buffy hissed. "This whole sharing scenario is disgusting. That baby could have been fathered by a dozen different men."

"Shut up," Will roared, pulling at his hair. "It was our baby. No one bothered to tell me…her bloody husband. The bitch did it again and I'm glad she's dead because if she was still alive, I'd kill her myself."

"Don't say that," Xander pleaded. "Not with her being pregnant…if I'd only known, I would have stopped…" he stopped mid-sentence backing away from Spike with wide eyes.

"You would have stopped what? What the hell do you know?" Will said, grabbing Xander by his shirt and pushing him against the cement wall.  
"Tell me."

"Dru was going to divorce you…I couldn't let her ruin you with a messy divorce…Spike, there wasn't any other way," Xander pleaded, sniffling before wiping his nose with the back of his hand. "Cordy did it though, all the planning to make it happen. She didn't tell me about the pregnancy."

"You and Cordy had my wife killed?"

"It was the only way, but I didn't know…I would never hurt our baby."

Will swung, hitting Xander on the jaw and making him lose his balance. He stumbled, the wall keeping him from falling. He held onto the edge. He looked utterly defeated. A man who once held the world in his hands but found it was nothing but dirt after all. He rubbed his jaw.

"You took away the love of my life," Will choked out. "How could you? I would have been a father."

Buffy backed away, ready to run at the words that fell so easily from her husband's mouth.

Finally, the truth was out in the open.

She was only a substitute, someone to take away Will's loneliness and keep his bed warm. She glared at Xander, feeling the hatred return, stronger than anything she'd ever felt before. In Xander's eyes, she saw her feelings mirrored for her.

"You would have cut me out of your life if that whore brought her bastard child to you?"

"She was my wife. I wanted our marriage to work."

Xander laughed, but it wasn't of humor. He was no longer sane.

"Oh god, Willie boy, I thought you and me were first in each other's life. Guess I was the chump, huh?"

"You betrayed me," Will said.

"And I killed my wife for you," Xander said, making Will and Buffy freeze in disbelief. "She knew about our baby, but went ahead with the hit anyway. I thought it would be what you would want. She was the betrayer and I strangled her for that." Xander stopped to regain his breath the heavy sobs were making hard. Tears fell from his chin as he trembled. "I watched the life leave her and I didn't care…because of you." His voice trailed away as he inhaled deeply, staring at his hands as if he didn't recognize them.

"Xander," Will stepped forward but Xander waved him away, backing away from the man to who he'd just confessed his deepest secrets.

"No, it's over," Xander said, looking up to meet her gaze. A half smile twisted his lips as he wiped a cheek dry. "Buffy you've won. I've got nothing left and now you have him to yourself. I hope you know what you've gotten into.

Before either could move, Xander jumped up to sit on the edge of the wall and then leaned back to fall to the earth. The only sound disturbing the bright afternoon was Spike screaming for his lost friend. It _was_ over, Buffy thought as she reached for her husband as he scrambled toward the edge.

_to be continued…_


	33. Brick Walls

**Chapter 33**

Breathe.

He had to breathe, but he couldn't remember how…he gasped, there was a sharp pain in his arm. His eyes blinked as the burning sun tore into his retina. No, maybe it wasn't the sun, but tears blinding him to his surroundings. Where was he? He didn't know. Someone was screaming. Throwing his arm out, he tried to find purchase. Nothing was below his feet as he teetered on the edge of the terrace wall. He swayed between flying to freedom and the hands holding him back.

Spike's stomach revolted. He struggled to find solid ground in the chaos surrounding him. Lost. Xander said everything was lost. Oh god, Xander jumped. He tried to focus to see if he was all right. No, no he wouldn't be.

Xander was dead. Cordelia was dead, too. So was his wife. No, that wasn't true. He shook his head. Buffy was alive. He screamed her name. Where was she? Did she leave, too? Buffy wouldn't. She was always there. Spike pushed at the wall, falling onto his ass, scrambling back to safety.

"Buffy, where are you? Buffy…please?"

"I'm here." Buffy's soothing calm voice filled him, anchoring him, and he followed it back to clarity. "I'm here, Will, I'm here."

Loving arms held him. Fingernails dug into the flesh of his upper arm even as she cuddled him against her breast. It was raining. He looked up. No, it was tears and she was sobbing.

"Xander? Did it really happen?"

"Yes, I'm sorry…so sorry."

Sirens screamed, coming closer to them. Somebody had called the police. They would be here asking questions. Spike covered his mouth with his hand, rocking and hoping it would all disappear into a nightmare and that Buffy would soon wake him.

"I can't…oh god, no," he wailed. "Make it go away…please…"

Buffy shook him, hard enough to make him stop crying. He peered up at her, shuddering at the intensity of her face. His teeth snapped together when she shook him again.

"Will, the cops are going to be crawling all over the place any second. You have to pull yourself together."

Spike shook his head, losing to the agony of the last few minutes. Buffy stood, pulling on his arm with a persistence he couldn't ignore. He stumbled after her until they reached the living room. She pushed him onto the couch while all he could do was stare at her. The sirens were louder from outside and he moaned. Buffy left him to use the phone. She was short and terse before clicking off and then she called someone else.

"Who?" He coughed, trying to clear his closed throat. "Who were you on the phone with?"

"Giles and Tara. They're both on the way." Buffy sat next to him, taking his hands into her lap. They were soft, yet assured, making him feel safe. "Giles is sending over a lawyer. You are not to answer any questions until they get here. Do you understand?"

"But I didn't do anything…"

"It's going to be a mess. No matter what. A lot of people are going to be here and anything…anything at all you say could end up on the evening news. Do you understand to keep your mouth shut?"

Pulling his legs up to wrap his arms around them, he nodded. He didn't want to talk to anyone. All he wanted was for Buffy to hold him. She was the only thing he could hold onto in a world gone suddenly very wrong. A voice inside his head kept whispering that he wasn't worthy of her and he knew it was right.

The elevator opened and hell sent forth its demons to retrieve him. Only Buffy stood between him and them.

"I'm a lucky man," he whispered, reaching for her hand.

* * *

They were gone. All of them. The last of the police and paramedics had left almost an hour ago. Will's new lawyer, Lilah Morgan, had just exited the penthouse. Their home was eerily quiet after the barrage of interrogations, searching and filling out of reports. They still weren't done with them and were told they should be ready to answer more questions.

Drained by everything she'd been through in the past few hours, Buffy collapsed onto the couch, burying her face in her hands as she tried to find a minute amount of reserved energy to get through the rest of the evening. Giles was accompanying Will upstairs for a talk, Jenny sat next to her on the couch and Tara was somewhere in the apartment.

Buffy chuckled. The former pact she once damned wasn't seen in the light it once was, because tonight a new pact was formed. It included all who remained at Sanctuary, plus Lilah and Doyle who had an exclusive inside story to the truth. Or at least, the cleaned up truth as it was decided during the course of the endless afternoon. All the guilt lay on the deceased couple, with William as the hapless victim drawn unwilling into their twisted lives.

"I made you some tea and a sandwich," Tara said, setting a plate and mug on the coffee table. She sat beside Buffy. "You need to keep your strength up."

"Thank you," Buffy said, smiling at her friend. "I don't know if I can eat anything but the tea is certainly a must."

"Try Buffy," Jenny said, rubbing Buffy's back in comforting circles. "If not for you then for the baby."

"How did you know?" Buffy asked, searching the other woman's face in amazement. She'd never said anything about her pregnancy. Not even when Buffy gave the accounting of her whereabouts to the police. She stared at Jenny, wondering how much the other woman knew and how she'd found out. Suspicions crowded her mind. Would Jenny cause more problems? Although the two women had never been really close, Buffy never considered Jenny an enemy. At least not in the way Cordelia and Xander had been.

"I won't say anything," Jenny said. "I guessed." She smiled. "Throughout the afternoon, you would rest your hand on her stomach in a loving, protective way. I think its wonderful news. Something good to come out of all this bad."

Relaxing, Buffy picked up her tea, bringing it to her mouth to blow gently on it. "Yes, it is a good thing. Please don't tell Will. Let me. And I will when I think he's ready for it. Right now, damn it," Buffy squeezed her eyes shut. "This was supposed to be the happiest day of our lives and…"

"Don't," Tara said. "It's still a beautiful thing. Nothing those two did could ever take that away from this baby. When Will finds out, the two of you will celebrate."

"Thank you." Buffy sipped her tea. "I just don't understand." She shook her head. "How…why would Cordelia do it? I know they were rivals, but…"

Jenny sighed. "There are so many things, so much that happened, that I hope you'll never know all of it."

"I already know too much."

"Maybe if Buffy knows more," Tara hinted, looking past her friend to pinpoint Jenny in her gaze. "She could understand so she can help Will deal with everything."

Sighing, Jenny stared at a picture on the side table of Buffy and Spike in a rare carefree moment of their marriage. She seemed to be thinking over whether she wanted to confess what she knew or keep the deadly secrets unrevealed. Finally, making a decision she nodded, tucking her hair behind one ear before speaking.

"It all started off fairly normal. Spike loved Drusilla, Xander and Cordy were besotted with each other, but then things changed. The affairs started, and Xander and Drusilla began their games." She stopped to take a drink from the glass of water she'd left on the glass table by the couch. "Then Cordelia wanted to even the score, but it didn't work. Spike wouldn't have anything to do with Cordelia. He only wanted Drusilla even if she was cheating on him. When the flirting didn't work, Cordy tried to seduce Spike after some party, but he wouldn't give in. She couldn't stand that Dru could have both men, but she couldn't. And as silly as it seems, Cordelia was crazy in love with Xander. She made him into the man she wanted, only to have it backfire on her. She was always second best."

"It's so sad," Tara said. "They were all so beautiful, talented and rich, but they were all so corrupt and miserable. Didn't they ever see there was more to life than money and status?"

"Yes, I think they did," Jenny replied. "A little bit anyway. In their own twisted way, the four of them were family.'

"Where did you and Giles fit into the family?" Buffy asked, sitting up so she could look at Jenny. It was time for truth, all of it, whether it was hurtful or not. There were many decisions to be made in the coming days, and she wanted to make the right ones…for her and her baby.

Jenny's eyes widened, opening and shutting her mouth several times. She was clearly uncomfortable at the question. After a moment, she nodded. "We were all in it together. The fame, the lifestyle went to our heads…all of us, including Giles and me. But know this Buffy, Giles and I never…never condoned the endless partying or the affairs. We both tried to talk to Spike, to get him out of this, but he wouldn't listen."

"Maybe you should have tried harder," Buffy snapped, standing up. She needed to move, to burn the adrenaline pouring into her body. Rubbing at her forehead, she paced in front of the coffee table. "Will needed someone on his side, not someone patting him on the head so they could stay on the gravy train he provided."

"Buffy," Giles interrupted her tirade.

She looked up to see the older man descending the stairs. He looked tired, almost desperate for another reality then the one they were currently living. Just like she did. A hint of sympathy drained a bit of the fury she'd been feeling. No matter how much she loved Will, she couldn't change him or stop his self-destructive relationships with Cordelia or Xander.

It wasn't anyone's fault but Will's. He was the one who chose his friends, married a woman who used him, and took the drugs. Nothing she nor Giles or Jenny could do anything to help a man who didn't want it. Buffy sat down, hard, on the edge of a side chair. A sob caught in her throat as she gave up. It was over because she couldn't fight anymore. If Will didn't love her enough to make their marriage a priority and put it before his other relationships, then she didn't need him.

Her hand covered her mouth as she let the truth sink deep into her being. Before she met Will, she'd been ready to strike out on her own and make herself a life. She could do it again for not only herself, but for her baby, too. It was something she swore she would never do, but if Will didn't change, then she'd take his money, buy a small house and raise her child. Tears streamed down her face, crying out as her dreams shattered around her as surely as Xander Harris had died that afternoon.

Arms encircled her shoulders, holding her as she collapsed under the weight of the truth.

_to_ _be continued…_


	34. Basement

Chapter 34

All he could see was a blackness that crept on forever, covering everything until vertigo sent him spiraling downward to a tiny spot of red. Spike screamed while clawing for sides that weren't there, tears blinding him until hands reached out for him. Soothing him to a safe landing of a mother's warmth and whispered words of comfort. He reached out for the body connected to the hands to find curving softness welcoming him home.

"It's all right, Will, I'm here…," Buffy murmured in his ear as he burrowed close to her. She ran her hands down his back, over his hips, upwards to his chest and then repeated the caresses.

"I love you," he said, kissing the side of her neck with a fevered determination to feel his love returned. He shouldn't have worried. There was nothing but love in her touch, just as it had been since the first night they met. Sighing, he forced his eyes open so he could see the love in her eyes. It was there, along with an exhaustion that wasn't there earlier. As if she was weary deep down inside of her soul. He'd never seen her in this state. It scared him to the point where he forgot his own fears. He kissed her forehead, pulling her close to him so she could rest. "Go back to sleep, Luv."

"It's okay. If you need me…," she trailed off as she studied his face with concern.

"No, I'm fine," he reassured her even as he pulled the covers over her, tucking her in so that she was comfortable. "As long as you're here, I'm okay."

"All right," Buffy said with a wan smile. Her eyes fluttered closed, the dark eye lashes accentuating the black circles vibrant against her pale skin.

Spike stayed, watching as she fell back asleep. It didn't take long, but even in sleep she looked unhappy. Guilt ate at him. Buffy's malcontent could only be the result of his own self-absorption. He stared at her for a long while, digging deep into his soul for answers he wasn't sure he wanted to face. He never had in the past, but it was time. Everything he once counted as his world was now gone. The only thing he felt sure of was the woman lying next to him. But how long would she hold on to a man like him?

Easing away from Buffy, he slid from the bed to pad over to his jewelry box. He hesitated, unsure of what he was about to do. He trembled, glancing back at his wife, before he pulled the bottom drawer out.

The closet key lay there shining from the terrace light like a beacon to his soul. A part of him had been lost earlier in the day. His past was truly gone with the death of Xander. His best friend for most of his life, his confidante, his lover in every way but the physical, and the only one who knew the deep blackness of his soul. Now Spike, alone, knew the secrets never told to anyone else.

He caressed the key, feeling the coldness against his flesh, before picking it up. He forced himself to swallow back his distaste for the task he was about to undertake. A man could only take so much before breaking. He was at that point, with too many people pulling at him, demanding his attention, and he couldn't please all of them. He'd failed to please any of them. Just like Drusilla repeatedly told him as she flaunted her love affairs before him. His failures led to the deaths of his friends. Of that he was sure.

In the brief time he'd been single, alone and fucking his way through Hollywood, he thought he'd conquered William. He was living the good life with only fun directing him. No longer the shy young man corrupted so long ago without a thought to being good. Then he'd met _the one_ who tried to pull him into the light. Instead he stayed hidden in shadow, afraid of seeing himself without the cover of darkness.

Buffy was the only left who truly cared for him. She was there. Had been there through every stunt his friends had tried to drive her away. She stayed when he was distant and cold. If it was because of money and status maybe he could understand her determination, but for love, that confounded him. For a moment, he stood over the bed, staring down at the beauty that lay there.

Spike wondered why she bothered, why she cared for him of all people. Buffy was a dream come true for a man such as he. The money and fame didn't seem as important as holding on to this treasure that lay so innocently in slumber. Except he didn't know how to even start.

The key burning into his palm brought his gaze back to its luring call. Drusilla's memory whispered to him. Not once in all the time since Buffy came home with him had he looked at his first wife's possessions. Instead, he pushed her presence aside, hoping it would disappear just like her death. This time he followed her call to the closet. Not even hesitating as he put the key in the lock, Spike barreled into the small room, and then overcome by the sensual scent she wore clinging to everything, he fell to his knees.

He could hear her laughter surrounding him. All of his attempts were for naught. The gossip would only be worse after Xander and Cordelia's death. He was a man marked for ruin. The transition to film would be put on hold. Every thing he did would be under a microscope that would leave nothing out of the public eye.

Covering his ears with his hands, Spike fell to his knees as the ruination of his life crumbled upon him. Some of her clothes caught under his weight covered him as if Drusilla was trying to suffocate him. He would never be free from her and eventually he would lose his light. Buffy was on the edge too and she would tire of his lack of control and leave him.

There was no longer any need for grandstanding to try to be the envy of everyone, no illusions of being a good husband left for him to dream of, and there was no pretending he wasn't the nuisance his parents considered him. He was nothing but William, afraid of himself and of the world. Overwhelmed by the breaking of his heart, he curled into a ball on the closet floor, and waited for the rest of his life to disappear.

* * *

The sunlight beaming through the windows roused Buffy from slumber. Heat lay heavy on her and she pushed the comforter away while she rolled to a place still laying in shade. It was cool there. She wondered if that's why Will preferred the shadows of his past to the fire of their love. Pushing her hair away from her face she felt the heavy burden of her husband's life dragging her into a place she never thought she'd end up. Nor wanted to.

Once, she'd promised for better or worse, and now she wasn't sure if she could keep that vow any longer. Her hand covered her belly as her priorities became clear. The baby she carried had to be first in her life. A smile crossed her face as she thought of the future watching her baby grow up, but immediately her smile turned to a frown as she wondered if Will would be with them. The way it looked now, he would be absent from their lives, missing the joys of fatherhood. She squeezed her eyes shut as she fought back a wave of sorrow.

"Please God, help me to deal with…everything," Buffy prayed, reaching out despite her doubts. From where she was, it seemed to be only way out of the mess of her life, was for a higher power to intervene. "Show me what to do about my baby and Will?"

A sense of comfort encompassed her as she let go of some of the worries weighing so heavy on her heart. She knew living with Will in his current state of mind wasn't healthy for any of them, but there was time to give him to heal from the deaths of his friends. Maybe with a little time he would find his way back to them. And if he didn't, then she would do what was best for her baby and leave.

Rolling over, she saw that it was almost ten. The muted sounds of voices and rattling dishes told her it was way past time for her to get up. Buffy climbed out of the bed, stretching her hands way over her head to wake her body up. A small groan escaped as she felt her back crack in several places. It felt good. She shook herself loose before heading toward the bathroom.

The cracked door to Drusilla's closet made her stop in her tracks. She remained still for a moment, waiting to see if any noise would give her a clue as to why it wasn't locked tight. Nothing. Taking a deep breath, she pushed it gently, peering cautiously into the brightly lit room. The dresses that once hung in rigid categories were now in disarray. Some were lying on the floor in a cloud of myriad cloud of colors and fabrics.

"What the…," Buffy muttered, stepping forward. She glanced around the rest of the closet to see if there was anything else disturbed. Everything was in its place. She started to back out when she saw him. William was leaning against the back wall, hugging his knees with his eyes were closed. At first, she thought he was sleeping, but then she heard him muttering.

"Oh god, Will," Buffy said, rushing to his side. She dropped to her knees, clasping his face in her hands. "What happened? Are you all right?" Her eyes roved over his body while her hands fluttered along with them. There wasn't any sign of injury. "Will, answer me. What's wrong?"

"I hurt the girl," Will mumbled, turning his head aside. "Disappointed them all. Not a good man."

"That's not true." Buffy caressed his face as tears filled her eyes. "You're a good man. Please…look at me. I need you."

However, there wasn't any reply from the man she loved.

_to be continued…_


	35. Decisions

**Chapter 35 – Decisions**

The sun was setting outside the picture window of their bedroom, sending fingers of light streaming across the pale beige carpet. They framed the shadow of her husband who sat in one of the large chairs in the corner. He stared into the brightness, ignoring everything else around him, motionless as if waiting for an invitation to the beyond.

Buffy hated daylight. It took her husband from her arms. She had to give him up, go about the business of surviving the mess left by Xander. Will stayed silent, avoiding everything and everyone. He sat in that damn chair from morning to night until she wanted to scream at him. The doctor said it wouldn't do any good. It could cause more harm to his already damaged mind. Will needed to process everything. The death of his friend had traumatized him on a very deep level of consciouness. Eventually, Will would return when he could handle the grief.

Sometimes she wondered if he ever would. Or if he wanted to come back to her at all. All the things that were asked of her in the absence of her husband confused her. The choices she was forced to make made her feel lost and overwhelmed. Sometimes she wanted to pull up a chair across from Will and join him in his strike against life.

Only the nighttime gave her the strength to continue. In the darkness, Will held her tight, clinging as if she was the only thing he needed. It was her name he screamed when the nightmares brought his terrors to life. She would hold him; caress him until he fell asleep again. In sickness and in health was one vow she made to Will and the other was until death did them part. She was doing her best to honor those promises.

After checking to make sure Will had everything he needed, she leaned forward to kiss his cheek. No indication he felt it or even knew she was there. "I love you, Will. No matter what, I'm here," Buffy whispered in his ear. "Just come back to me. I need you."

His eyelashes fluttered against her cheek. He uttered a soft sigh. All she could feel was elation that maybe he was in there, that he was starting to become a part of life again. But when she pulled back, he was still staring out the window. Tears welled up in her eyes. She refused to let them fall. She'd cried more than any one person should since the morning she found Will huddled in the closet.

"If you need me, I'll be downstairs," Buffy said. She left him as he was, without looking back, because if she did she might fall apart. The bedroom door was left open so she could hear if he made a move. His silence continued throughout the penthouse. No music played and no television entertained, in case Will made a sound. The house was a tomb.

Buffy reached the bottom floor. Tara was in the kitchen preparing dinner while Giles and Jenny were at the kitchen table. Teacups sat in front of them. It was so normal, and she wondered if she would ever share something so simple with her husband. Her hand covered her stomach as she took her strength from the only thing that gave her hope these days.

"Everything all right?" Tara asked, looking up from the vegetables she was cutting up for a salad. "Any change?"

"No." Buffy slid into a barstool across the counter from her friend. "For a second I thought..," she shook her head. "It was nothing."

"Did you bring up the funerals tomorrow?" Giles asked. "We have to get him there."

There was concern in his voice, but Buffy didn't care if Will went to the funerals or not. The gossip rags were tearing him apart, judging his lack of public appearances or a statement of grief over the deaths. They insinuated things that weren't true, trying to ruin his reputation without knowing what really happened.

She didn't care if the whole world went to hell if all they wanted was dirt. Will had picked her up when she was at the lowest point of her life, gave her love and she would be loyal to him if for nothing else other than that reason.

Except if the baby was in danger. Unless Will became angry at her, blaming her for what happened, or if he continued to cling to Drusilla's memory. All the things her heart whispered to her when she was tired of fighting everyone and everything for the marriage she so desperately wanted. Even herself.

Buffy leaned forward, burying her face in her hand. "No, I didn't. I don't see how he could get through it. Giles, he won't even look at me, at anyone. He won't get dressed, eat, or work on his own. The only thing he'll do is take a shit by himself and I'm in wonder at that." A sob clogged her throat. She tried to swallow it back, but it seemed to be more determined than she was.

Arms slid around her, hugging her tight. It was Jenny. "Things will work out, Buffy. He'll come back to you, to us. It's just so much for him to process."

Leaning into the supportive embrace, Buffy let the tears course down her cheeks. "I don't know how to fight for him like this…I don't even know if should. Look what happened because of me."

"It is not your fault," Giles declared, standing. He strode over to join them. "Spike should have been upfront with you instead of leaving you in doubt. And Xander's actions certainly cannot be blamed on anyone other than himself. You did what anyone would do in that situation."

"Yeah, like I ever will again," Buffy snorted, pulling away from Jenny. She wiped away the tears on her cheeks. "Maybe denial is the best way to go."

"That's why Will is in the condition he is in," Tara reminded Buffy. "He couldn't face the truth of his relationships. Instead he kept hoping that things would work out without any effort on his part." She slid the diced carrots and tomatoes into the salad bowl. She reached for the head of leafy lettuce. "You need to continue to fight," she continued as she started to tear apart the lettuce. "If not for you then for the baby."

Jenny sat on the stool beside her, cradling Buffy's hands in her own. Buffy already knew what was coming. Another lecture on what was best for her and the child she carried. She shook her head.

"No, I don't want to hear anymore," Buffy said. Standing, she backed away until she could look at the three people she now considered family. Lifting her chin and crossing her arms, she gave each of them a stern look. "I will not put William in a psychiatric facility until he can deal. No, I won't leave him in a nurses care to take a vacation. No, I won't file for divorce so I can save my own good name." She faltered when another sob came forth. "I need to cling to my own dreams and my love for him. I want to believe that he loves me enough to return to me on his own. And I need…damn it, I need him."

"Oh sweetie, I know," Tara said, rushing to Buffy's side to give her a hug. "No one is asking you to, not anymore. Whatever you want is what we're going to do. Okay?"

"You promise?" Buffy whispered. She looked over Tara's shoulder to look at the others. "I know. I understand, but I can't. Not yet. I'm fine. The baby is fine." She pulled away from her friend, tried to wipe away the tears that were falling faster than she could get rid of them. "Just a little longer…please, leave it be. I promise I'll leave if it gets to be too much. If he doesn't come back, I'll consider the alternatives. But it's only been days, and I still can't get the awful night out of my head. How could I expect Will to deal with losing his best friends and finding out they murdered his wife? It's too much for anyone."

"All right," Jenny agreed. She glanced at Giles. "But we want a promise from you."

"What?" Buffy asked, standing straighter. There was no bargaining. As much as she'd come to count on the couple, she wasn't going to let them bully her or do anything that would potentially hurt Will.

Jenny smiled. "We want you to promise that you'll let us continue to help you. Ask us for anything you need."

"You're already doing that."

"I quit my job," Tara announced. She sat on a barstool with a sigh, and then she smiled. "I called earlier and told them I wasn't coming back. Buffy, may I stay here until things are better with you and Will? I know I should have asked you first but you've been dealing with so much…" She trailed off as she looked anywhere but at Buffy.

"What else has been decided in my best interest?" Buffy demanded.

Jenny took Giles hand. "We've decided to get married." She looked at Giles. "Actually I've decided to marry him. It's not always like Xander and Cordelia." She returned her gaze to Buffy. "Sometimes love is tough and worth fighting for. You taught me that. And I don't want to waste another moment of life."

"Anything else?" Buffy asked, trying hard to fight the first genuine smile in what seemed forever. She was both relieved at Tara's decision and elated that Giles and Jenny were finally going to make it legal. "Come on. 'Fess up. I can see the guilt on your faces."

"Just that we're here for you and for William. No matter what changes or what comes up," Giles said. He pulled his glasses from his face to fumble with them.

"Even if he never writes another word? Even if he never makes you another cent?" Buffy had to ask. It was crude, but she needed to know where Giles stood. Needed to know if he genuinely cared for William or if he was hanging onto one of his most lucrative clients until he knew for sure if the gravy train would roll again or not.

Giles slipped his glasses back on, and then he put his hands on Buffy's shoulders. "Buffy, I've come to care for Will as a son. Something I didn't fully realize…or accept until this tragedy hit. You, my dear, are the best thing to ever happen to him. I'm proud of you, standing your ground and protecting him so fiercely. So, to answer your question, yes, I'm here even if he never writes publishes another book in his lifetime."

Sincerity shone in Giles' eyes, something she never saw in her own father's eyes, and she accepted him at his word. She relaxed, nodding her head because her voice failed her in the face of so many declarations and emotions. She leaned forward, letting Giles bring comfort to her battered soul.

This was what family was about, this solidarity in the face of problems, and a sense of not having to go it alone. She knew with these people around her, that somehow she and Will would find a way through these rough times. She just had to keep her faith in the love she held for her husband and the belief that the child she carried would unite them in the marriage she wanted so desperately.

* * *

They thought he couldn't hear them. That he didn't know of their discussions of what to do with him, of how to handle the publicity and the fights Giles was having with David concerning the script. He knew about how hard of a time Buffy was having, about Tara's continual support, almost that of a sister, and the parental roles Giles and Jenny had taken with his wife. He even knew about the baby they spoke about in hushed whispers.

Their words echoed around the empty, silent cavernous penthouse, bouncing off the cold metallic furniture to echo in his mind. He listened to them, but chose to keep silent. His mind raced so fast that he couldn't decipher all the messages and memories bombarding him. Drusilla's words that he would never father a child crashed against the understanding of Buffy's pregnancy. Xander's lies to keep him around, and the decision to murder his wife. It was too much and he waited for the calm at the end of the storm to face the world again. Until then only the loving comfort of Buffy's arms kept him sane.

But he also knew that time was running out. Tomorrow everything would change again whether he was ready to handle it or not.

_to_ _be continued… _


	36. Morning

Chapter 36

William lay in darkness, waiting for the first sound of someone moving around downstairs. He knew Giles would be up at the crack of dawn. The old man was a creature of habit. Something that Will admired, but knew he would never be since his mind flittered from one dream to another, from one lifetime to another as easily as others breathed. Focus only came when he gave in to the calling of his soul and let these thoughts be transferred to paper. Being a writer was one thing in his life that he was sure of.

The other was the woman snuggled into his side. The softness of her hair floated over his arm and chest, tickling his skin but he refused to give in to the sensation. He didn't want to disturb her sleep. He enjoyed the warmth of her flesh against his, the gentle waves of her breathing, and the tangle of their limbs as if they were one creature. Buffy loved him.

The past few days had shown him that she truly loved the man he was, the good and the bad, no matter what he was or had done. Every moment she stayed with him, or defended gave proof to that reasoning.

For her he would give all that he had, but she only wanted him and a future for them and the baby she carried. He ran the back of his hand over the soft rise of her stomach. Without realizing it, he smiled, the first time since the day when the blackness of his heart was ripped from his chest.

It was time to stop mourning. The funeral was the dividing line between his past and his future. He didn't want to die with Xander and Cordelia, he wanted to tell them goodbye and wipe their mark from his life. He wanted to be the man Buffy saw when she looked at him.

"I promise I will never let you down again," Will whispered. He kissed her temple before easing out of the bed. Buffy moved into the spot he'd vacated. Still far away in happy dreams she wrapped her arms around his pillow. Tears rose in his eyes.

She was happiness.

He crossed his arms around himself, rocked back on his heels, as he felt the chains of his past start to unravel. For years he'd been imprisoned by the fear of being alone, letting it lead him into a hell of his own making. He swore if it was the last he did, he would find his way out. He left her in his bed to head downstairs just as Giles was heading to the kitchen.

Turning from the sink, Giles reached for the knob to turn the stove on. He yelped like a puppy when a shadow fell over the counter. He looked up to see a ghost standing on the other side. Giles stepped back, hoping he was still asleep and in the middle of a bad dream. The figure before him was gaunt, paler than fresh snow and his hair curled in a riot of blonde and black.

"It's me," Spike said.

Giles shook his head. "Good lord, Spike. You nearly gave a heart attack." He put the kettle on the burner to heat. "Not that I can say I'm not happy to see you."

A moment of silence stood between them as they appraised the other. They were both changed men from the last time they'd spoken. Lives changed, ended and began around them and Giles wondered if his young charge was going to survive it all.

"Not Spike," Will said, shaking his head. "Will."

"All right, Will then."

"Will you help me?" Will stared at the floor, waiting as his hands moved up and down his arms as if to ward off the chill. But Giles knew that the other man stood on a precipice. One wrong move or word could lead to the total mental collapse of a tortured genius and a man worthy of so much than he believed.

Giles came around the counter to take Will's face in his hands. "Yes, Will. I will help you. What do you want?" Will's eyes closed.

"Funeral is today?"

"Yes."

"I need to go. For Buffy." Will opened his eyes like a newborn seeing the world for the first time. He blinked then gave a soft smile.

"Yes, you do need to go. Now, I know you have a suit and a limo is already scheduled to pick us up," Giles said, going through a checklist in his mind.

"No," Will said. He raised a hand to run it through the unruly curls. "Need to clean up."

"Of course you do," Giles agreed. "I know someone who will come to the house. Anything else?"

"Afterwards…," Will hesitated, looking around his home. His lips curled in a sneer. "I don't want to come back here." He met Giles gaze with a determination that made the older man proud. "Will you make reservations at a hotel for us? A suite so Tara can come too. But I don't want to ever set foot in this place again." He shuddered.

"Well, that's the longest speech you've made in weeks," Giles said, chuckling.

"It's time…"

"Yes, it is time," Jenny said, coming down the stairs. "For all of us," she stopped beside Giles, putting her arm around his waist. It was a lovely feeling, and Giles hugged her back. "I'm happy to hear you making plans."

Will took a step back. He shook his head.

"Will, its okay. One step at a time. Okay?"

Will nodded.

"I'm sorry," Jenny said, squeezing Will's hand. "I came on a bit strong."

"Yes," Will said.

When nothing else came out of him, Jenny giggled. It was that easy. Maybe the man of words was going to be one of short speeches from there on in, but it wasn't a bad thing. If Will continued like this, at least no one would have to worry where they stood with him. All they had to do was listen to know.

The kettle whistled. Giles left the other two to return to the kitchen to make tea. He pondered on Will's declaration to go to the funeral for Buffy. The girl's love was changing all of them. For the better as far as he was concerned. Only a month ago, money and status meant more to him than anything. He didn't care what Will and his friends did as long as his bank accounts continued to grow. Sighing, he poured the hot water over the specially blended tea he preferred.

This new life seemed so much better. There was going to be a lot of difficulties. Like arguing a new contract with David over the movie deal, and the publisher about forthcoming books, but mostly the humble pie Giles was determined to eat. He needed to tell Will that he was wrong about Buffy. She was the best thing to have ever happened to Will, to all of them really.

Giles assembled the teapot and cups on a tray to take into the dining room to join his fiancée and the man he'd come to see as a son. He took a seat at the table, setting out the cups, fiddling really while he listened to Jenny talk gently to Will. She was an amazing woman, and he was grateful she finally agreed to marry him.

Maybe things were going to be all right after all.

A shiver danced along her spine. Something was wrong. Of this, Buffy was certain. Sitting straight up, she wiped the last of sleep from her eyes.

"Will," she called out when she realized he wasn't in the bed.

No answer. She threw back the covers, ignored her slippers and robe in her haste to find her husband. Every morning since that day, she woke still wrapped in Will's arms. She hurried down the hallway, glancing into the closets on her way. At the end were the bathrooms, but he still wasn't to be found. Fear clutched her heart at the thought that something was wrong.

The night before while they waited for sleep, she'd mentioned the funeral. As usual there wasn't a response, but now she worried that it was too much for him to handle. What if he left in the night, running from a truth that wasn't waiting for him to catch up anymore? What if Will was through with everything?

Buffy turned back around, running as she hit the hallway.

"Will, where are you? Will?" She yelled as all of the stress of the last couple of weeks caught up to her.

"Buffy?"

It was Giles. Not Will that answered her. She grabbed the banister to the stairs leading to the bottom floor. Somehow she missed the top step. She screamed as she scrambled to find her footing. There was nothing but air until she grabbed the banister breaking her fall and sending her solidly down on her ass. She took a deep breath as she tried to pull herself together. A flutter in her stomach sent blind terror racing through her.

Her baby! She cried out, but this time someone was there. Arms pulled her close, rocking her as she tried to fight her way to reason.

"I'm here, Buffy, I'm here," Will crooned in her ear.

Maybe it was all a nightmare brought on by wishful thinking. But no, because the arms were strong around her. She covered her stomach with her hand, and another hand covered hers.

"You know?"

It was a stupid comment but everything came crashing into focus when his hand was protective into its gesture. She stared up into his face, searching for truths she'd been hoping to see for so long.

"Yes, I know," Will whispered. "Are you all right?"

"Maybe we should call an ambulance?" Tara asked, rushing up the stairs to sit beside them.

"Did I wake you?" Buffy asked, still lost in the inane question land.

"Just a bit," Tara smiled, pushing her hair behind one ear. She self-consciously pulled the bodice of her nightgown closer together.

Jenny was the next to join them on the stairs. "Maybe we should call your doctor?"

"No, no, I'm fine," Buffy insisted. She took a second to listen to her body. There wasn't any pain, or discomfort except for on her bottom and where she wrenched her arm. There wasn't even a quiver from her womb now. "Really," she said when disbelieving eyes looked back at her. "Look, why don't I lie on the couch for a while and see if anything changes? I promise one twinge of anything uncomfortable and I'll call the damn ambulance myself."

"No, I want you checked out," Will said. He squeezed his eyes shut. "I couldn't take it if…"

"I'm fine." Buffy cupped his cheek. He rubbed against her palm like a kitten seeking comfort from its mother. She let her thumb trail across his lips before leaning closer to him until their foreheads touched. "I'm not going anywhere and neither is our baby."

"You promise?"

"I already promised…remember when I said I do?"

"You were so beautiful…my shining light."

Tears fell as she gave her heart to this man again. Despite everything that had happened she knew Will was her future. He just needed to believe it, too.

"I want you in that light with me," Buffy whispered. "It's cold without you and I need you."

Will pulled her closer to him, burying his face against her neck. "Wherever you are, I will be. Til' the end of time."

The hard times weren't over yet. Buffy wasn't naïve enough to believe in happy endings anymore, but Will was there in her arms, wanting her and the baby, and that was enough for a new start. She looked around at the people on the stairs with them and knew they would help her and Will to start on that new path. Just like she and Will would for them. No longer was she the scared girl who once ran away from her problems, but a woman with family strong enough to weather any storm.

She'd found her sanctuary.

The End


End file.
